I know I'm most likely not hopeless but neurochemistry disagrees :(

[Klatremus]

Hello friendly people,

The strange title is not the most positive of introductions, but then I guess depressing stuff is what the forum is for. I am already trying hard not to apologise for myself.

I often feel like I am two people. One is kind of confident and surfs along most of the time, but when something goes wrong (and it can be the smallest little, stupidest little thing), my world suddenly plummets into the abyss of anxiety and/or depression and this other self-flagellating pathetic whimp who cannot seem to get out of the stupid-thinking loop all of a sudden inhabits my body.

Who the is that?

My childhood self? How can I convince that child that everything will be ok?

And who is this talking now? Psycho-therapeut self? I am not even qualified....

Is this normal to feel like you are several people at once? It's like I cannot determine who is the real "me". All of them? Probably, but how do I stay the confident "me", even when stupid little things happen? I have tried talking to myself (like you would reason with a child), but then time goes and the same happens again. The programming isn't working.

The worst thing is I now worry that someone will reply and give me great advice, but I will look at it and be too anxious to even reply, because I am worried about committing to something...that doesn't even exist.

I hope I am not scaring people away, because I seem to be good at that, at least.

Pushing people away. It is how I stay safe. Like I am scared to live, or something.

I hope you all feel better than me today. Seriously.

Thank you for letting me post.

[Aaronsis]

Hello Klatremus

Welcome and thank you for posting such an honest and open account of how you are feeling, it is not easy and you have done that.

I will make a deal with you..I will not post any advice so you don't have to feel worried about committing to anything, doing anything or being anything other than you.

You are welcome here, you are not scaring anyone away and you are welcome to post as often as you like, to chat to us and to let us know how you are feeling, we are here to sit and listen and to let you know you are not alone, that you are going to be ok.

I understand what you mean by feeling like you are many people at one time. I put it down to different situations present different feelings to me and as I am human and do have feelings sometimes I will feel good about something and sometimes I wont, and that it is fine to change from one to the other. There are no rules.

Your childhood self is a very important part of your life, I am learning to confront mine at the moment and to make peace with so many things that as a child I could not possibly have been responsible for or could not have had any influence on the outcome..why? I was a child, lead by adults whom were doing the best that they could but who maybe were also having their own troubles.

I also wanted to share the number for Lifeline with you which is 13 11 14 and to let you know how wonderful they are should you feel that you need to chat with someone about how you are feeling. Also if you are not safe to please call an ambulance on 000.

I hope that you feel welcome and safe here and that we can chat some more.

I am here to listen and to support you.

Hugs
Sarah

[quirkywords]

Klatremus

welcome to the forum and thanks for your post.

I will not offer advice but share some of my experience which relates to what you wrote.

I have felt like you being ok coping with life the a comment by someone can make me feel low and teary so I wonder who I am. I can be chatty I am quiet and I feel they are all part of me.
You are not alone, we are listening.