I feel so messed up

[Theheff1998]

I hate the way I'm currently feeling, my loved ones always push me away when I need them. I try opening up to them and reaching out to them but they seem to be pushing me aside.

[Just Sara]

Hey Heff;

I see you're testing the water to gauge if it's warm enough to jump in. 🙂 Well it is...

Welcome to our caring community. It takes courage to write those first words eh? So well done my young friend! Your thread topic; 'feel so messed up' gives me an idea of where your head's at. I'm sorry things seem this way; would you describe it as feelings of rejection? Or could it be about not feeling heard and acknowledged?

Either way, I'd like to know more; some specifics maybe? It doesn't have to be long winded, just enough to broaden things a little. I'm here if you need someone to listen...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[geoff]

Hello TheHeff, can I welcome you and I know it's not easy to post your first comment but pleased you have.

Depression will confuse you and will make you have negative thoughts so family and friends may try and listen to you at first, but eventually won't know what to do or what to say in response to your queries, so they tend to vanish, disappear because they have no experience in Mental Illness.

This doesn't mean that they don't love you but they don't know how to handle your situation.

What I suggest is for you to double book an appointment with your doctor, if you can't double book then book a single one, and if you can then write down as much as you want on a piece of paper, this will break the ice when you hand this list over to your doctor, because they will ask you 'what can I do for you'.

This will stop you from forgetting something important, especially when you leave their office and say to yourself 'oh damn I wanted to say this.'

Please let us know how you get on, and sorry for the long reply. Geoff.

[Theheff1998]

Honestly there's so much going on and I'm not sure how to handle it I'm trying so hard to be strong but I feel so weak.

[Theheff1998]

Thank you I'll be sure to try that thank you.

[Theheff1998]

Growing up I lost my father and then a lot of bad stuff happened to my family after that, I'm the youngest of the 4 children and all I've wanted is to be close to my siblings but growing up they just pushed me around and treated me wrong, they would ditch me when we went places and my brother honestly just pushed me away when I wanted to be closer to him and wanted to spend time with him and my other siblings and they would all make up lies to not spend time with me and all I want is for us all to be closer and the only person that is helping me is my mother and see doesn't even make much time for me and I just want us to be closer.

[Just Sara]

Awe Heff;

I feel your pain and rejection. Losing your dad and dealing with what followed would be just awful. And now wanting closeness only to be shuffled around is an unfortunate place to be. I hope talking here has helped you cope.

Do you think you're feeling a backlash from your dad's passing? Sometimes we don't get to grieve properly which leaves us feeling empty and sad. We try to fix this by getting that nurturing we're wanting thru other loved ones, but it's not the same.

It's no doubt all your family are probably feeling similarly. Everyone grieves in their own way, and it's not always the way we think they should.

At 20, you're still developing your sense of self, and if this is interrupted by grief for instance, effects can interfere with this process. Do you have someone to talk with about how you feel? Even if it's a friend or aunt/uncle.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you hun. I try to address everyone's replies as soon as I can. Please forgive me...

Sez

[Mitch112]

Hey mate,

I can see where you are coming from.. I'm 1 of 4 siblings and also the youngest.

It can be so hard trying to connect with them on any level, Especially when they don't understand how vulnerable and hurt we can be.

Here to talk if you need.

Mitch.