I feel like no one gets me

[Sunflower219]

Hi all,

i am a newly motherless 26 year old and and recently found out my gorgeous bf is a drug addict ( he is not seeking help in rehab, which is great!) but I am constantly feeling so sad, lonely and distraught... I am starting on medication ( I start them this week) because I worry myself. I have a great extended family and friends but I am an only child so feel lonely most of the time. I have even had to leave work some days because I can't stop crying.

People say it will get better and my friends and family help but only while I'm physically with them, so I go out for lunch or dinner with them, then the other 95% of the time I'm alone, trapped with my own mind and thoughts... I'm so sick of having head aches, crying and hating myself!

Does anyone feel the same? How do you make it better? Any tips?

Thank you!

[Quiettall]

Hi Sunflower

You have taken a good step by posting here. It is confidential and there are others online that have or are suffering similar things to you and will be able to help you. Check out the various links on this site as there are lots of great resources dealing with anxiety and depression.

Having such a supportive family network sure is a bonus. Reach out to them, because if they were more aware of your struggles, I am sure they would be there for you and support you to set a positive path for yourself.

Keep posting and hopefully between here and your family, we can help you through. The other thing you might consider is to go and have a confidential conversation with your GP. He/She will be able to put you in touch with a range of resources to help you too.

[Fairywings]

Hello beautiful xx nice to meet you I'm venessa. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and the destructive path in which your gorgeous bf is on, you have def come to the right place to get him some help. I am going to give you a couple of contacts you can just google and call, which will do outreach. ( he is not seeking help in rehab, which is great!) i'm just a little confused is this meant to read he is in rehab? if he is that's awesome news, if not just google YSAS and Headspace they will be able to help you. I know exactly how you feel I suffer with self hate everyday. I have body dsymorphia amongst other nice little surprises , it's so mentally debilitating i just don't have any words to describe it. What i find helps is listening to metal music really really loud, if metal isn't ur thing then find ur fav band / music and crank it up, going for long drives where i do have to worry about anyone just my son and the open road, taking my beautiful boy who is just about to start 4 yr old kinder on wed out for walks in the pram out in the fresh air. being in nature in a nice quiet spot always does the trick for me there are many days where i feel like just running away from it all but I put my runners on and just walk it out or get it the car and drive it out. My son needs me he has severe autism and is very reliant and dependent on me. I am happy that you have family and friends to support them use them!!!! that's very important for you right now, i know this may sound kiddish but have yourself a girls night in and have a few people round some helium balloons and just act like kids for the rest of the night i'm sorry i guess i'm just a big kid at heart lol. what ur going thru might be hard right now but it's not always going to be. now that u have started meds they will hopefully help stabilise things for you and you can begin to enjoy ur life again. Grief is never an easy thing to deal with but let me tell you ur mother will always be with you in spirit she will never leave your side you may not feel her all the time but she will be there to watch over you and guide you she will leave little signals for you you might notice butterflies or bird feathers u may just stumble across out of no where that means she is near you helping you to get thru ur darkest hrs. I find comfort in talking to my loved ones who are no longer with me, actually my other 4 children they are with me all the time. trust me they r they and they do listen xx hope this helps 🙂

[Sunflower219]

Hi Venessa!

i just realised my typo and I meant he has gone to rehab... I think I was just emotional writing and didn't spell check it before! Ops! I try and listen to a lot of country music funnily enough but I need something that isn't so sweet because it just makes me cry sometimes ... I will try metal! Isn't it so unfair how people like you and me can have so many things that hurt us?! I'm sure you think. Why me!? What did I do wrong to deserve this!? I always think it ... I try and be a good person. I don't take drugs, I barely drink and i try and be honest and kind so I don't understand why people like us have to undergo such pain!?! When you say 4 other children... do you mean they aren't here anymore? ... if so, I don't know how you do it! You're so amazing! I feel almost bad sitting here complaining about my problems when I don't have the pressure of having to support a child and deal with my own issues ... I can't imagine what it's like ... it's so weird because a year ago, I was a completely different person... I was happy and Energetic! I love your idea about girls night! My gfs have been amazing but sometimes I find it hard because they can only sympathise not emhpathize ... if that makes sense. Do you ever just get sick of being sad, angry? I get this gut wrenching/ heart ache and you literally feel like you can't be saved? all these emotions are so intense ... I'm just waiting for the day that I smile again or actually be happy! I am currently trying to 'fake it Till I make it' with happiness ... hopefully one day it will actually be real happiness.... thank you for the google sites! I'm going to look them up!! Thank you so much ... your reply means so so so much to me xxx

[Sunflower219]

Hi hi

thank you so much for your reply! I have been looking for an online forum to talk to people and so happy I found this!

I wil continue to explore the site and am looking forward to meeting people that have similar issues or experiences as me... I feel so isolated and feel like no one else knows how I feel ...

thank you so much xx

[White_Rose]

Dear Sunflower

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. So pleased you are enjoying writing in here. It's a good place to swop stories and coping strategies as well as to help and support each other. I am so sorry that your mom has passed away and you are hurting so much. Mothers are such special people and even though I am a grandma now, I still miss my mum.

I know how it feels when you are with people who care for you and how lonely you can be as soon as there is no one there. How long ago did your mom pass away? The hurt must be very raw at the moment. It feels as though you will never get over it and never stop hurting. May I make some suggestions? They may not be useful or appropriate at the moment but think about them anyway. You need to have some activities to do to keep you from constantly mourning your loss. But you also need to give yourself some time specifically to mourn and honour your mom.

To honour your mom find a time each day, possibly the same time each day, and sit down to remember her. Look at photos and other items that remind you of her. Perhaps you can make a photograph album of your favourite pictures of mom or a scrapbook. Reread books she read to you as a child, remember the places you went together. You may do this for one hour then stop. Then go and do something completely different. Go for a walk, go to the cinema (I did that a lot), clean your bedroom or something else, talk to someone on the phone. I'm sure you can think of many different things.

This is so you can mourn properly without being a mess all day. I don't mean to sound uncaring. I found this really helped me. Find something active to do after remembering your mom. It won't stop your pain necessarily but it will help you to function for the rest of the day. When you remember mom in those unexpected moments, stop for a moment and say "Thanks mom", then move on to the next thing until your time to remember mom comes round again.

When you are with your family encourage them to talk about mom, the scrapes you got into with her, memories from her siblings, in fact anything that brings her back to you so you can rejoice in her life. The pain will be there for a while but you will live with it more easily as time goes on. You will never forget her.

I found meditation and/or mindfulness very helpful. It will allow you to sit with her memory and let it settle inside you with a warm presence. I hope this is useful to you.

Mary

[Sunflower219]

I meant he is in rehab! Sorry for the typo

[Fairywings]

Thanks for coming back to me yes that's awesome that he is in rehab. My 4 other children yes they r in heaven 😇 my angel babies trust me what doesnt brake you will only make you stronger crying is good it helps the soul to heal. My son also does hip hop classes atm we r in the loungeroom listening to missy elliott he had a nap earlier today fell asleep to sounds of silence by disturbed beautiful melody made me tear up and does everytime i hear it. First line is hello darkness my old friend. I guess the point i want to make to you is yes we must embrace our darkest hrs in order to become stronger and heal from them i am living proof that they're is always light at the end of the tunnel. Linkin park metallica and disturbed help me alot and my son loves it too his fav song atm burn it to the ground by linkin park. Yes those questions u speak of ran thru my mind for many years not so much now bc i have taught myself to challenge the negativity and fight it xx and let me tell you life in general isnt fair it always takes the beautiful souls i remember my hubby then bf drove me to my psychiatrist one afo we parked the car and he noticed another pretty girl walking into the same place i needed to go and he said to me why is it always the pretty ones with all the problems those words were spoken to me over 10 yrs ago and i haven't forgotten them since so yes those questions they do cross my mind every now and again. I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and everything that comes with that so yeah been medicated for the last 20 yrs. Never think ur complaining on here this is what we r here for so you can express your feelings about anything knowing that you r in a safe place to do so. Yes hunny i get those feelings all the time bc my depression bipolar disorder boderline personality disorder and body dysmorphia reak havic at least once a month they used to multiple times a day b4 i was medicated my psychiatrist told me there was no saving me i can't be helped hospital admissions wouldn't have helped me bc my depression isnt bc of a biological desposotion its bc of social factors meaning my abuse lucky me yes hunny that is how I got by most of it after i had my downfall in my very early teens things esculated but i gained control just b4 my 18th birthday. It took me a long time to find that inner peace and harmony believe me never stop believing in yourself and fighting you will get there sweetheart xx nice to have spoken with you again take care xx