I don’t know whether I’m well enough to go back to work

Elenora · ‎27-03-2019

Hi everyone.

I work freelance and am supposed to be going to Sydney for work in three weeks for a three week stint. I’ve been out of work since November, partly from being removed from my last job because of my anxiety, partly by choice, because I wanted to get on top of things, and partly because I stopped applying for jobs.

Over the last six months, my anxiety and in particular, my health anxiety has spiralled out of control. I’m seeing a psychiatrist and a new psychologist, as well as regular checkups with my GP, but I don’t feel like I’m getting any better. I feel like every day everything gets a little bit worse.

I don’t know whether I can go back to work, because I’m stressing so much about my health and I’d be away from my team, but if I don’t go back, I don’t know whether things will get worse or not. And because I’m freelance, finding the next job would be harder too. And I don’t want to rely on my family anymore financially.

I don’t really have anyone outside my family to talk to about this and they’re just getting more and more frustrated with me.

I’m at the point where I have to make a decision either way, so they can find someone to replace me, if I’m not going to go.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for or what to ask. I just feel alone. Thanks for reading this.

Doolhof · ‎27-03-2019

Hi Elenora,

Welcome to the community here. Have you been able to discuss this issue with your support team?

If you do accept the job, can you contact any of these people in any way for support while you are away?

Are there other forms of support you could connect to? You have reached out here, other people may have some ideas for you.

I find that I sometimes have to step out of my comfort zone to enable me to grow and move forward.

Can you perform other tasks before you need to go away to help build your sense of esteem and self?

Hope you can come to a clear decision soon.

Cheers from Dools

Elenora · ‎28-03-2019

Hi Dools. Thanks for your reply and those thoughtful questions. I don't quite know how to tackle this, so those questions give me a starting point. So thank you. And I've rung up this morning and booked in to see my psychologist sooner than originally planned, so that's good. But thank you again for such a thoughtful response. x

Doolhof · ‎30-03-2019

Hi Elenora,

Hopefully your appointment with the psychologist will be helpful in allowing you to voice your concerns and work out which way you want to go with the job in Sydney.

I find that indecision in itself can be frustrating! If I can make up my mind one way or another, then accept my decision, that helps. Life is not always that easy though is it!

Recently I started volunteering in a home for the elderly as I am presently between jobs. This is an industry I previously worked in, suffered a back injury and had issues with the boss and work cover.

I questioned long and hard if I really wanted to return to that environment. I am pleased I did. Being a volunteer is certainly different from being an employee, I still have responsibilities but have a lot more freedom as well.

I guess the point is, until I started the volunteer work, I had no idea how much I was going to find it both enjoyable and pleasantly challenging. If I had told myself I couldn't do it, I would have missed out on the opportunity.

I don't know if this helps you or not! Anxiety can hold us back unless we can find ways to push through it.

Cheers from Dools