I don't feel valued

[azzland]

I'm 37. I am in a never ending decade ling career rut. Spent several years at uni to get a STEM bachelors degree but stuck in a never ending cycle of low skilled manual labour work. I completed a Grad Diploma and Grad Certificate in STEM fields I enjoy more but nothing. 

I spent 18 months teaching English abroad but that came to an abrupt unexpected halt in April 2020. 

I have been at a complete loss what to do since. 

I am going through cycles of bad social anxiety and depression. I don't think I'm worth shit as a person and I can't put myself out in public to strangers in conversations and small talk.

I have always been suspicious about having Aspergers.

I had a bad arm flapping problem as a kid and I got bullied over it. With no support from family and friends. This was the 1990s. 

I had big problems making friends in high school and often spent time outside school bored.

I was crap at sport and I got ostracised over that.

I had a bad acne condition as a teenager and got bullied at a school I went to for one semester in year 8. I was also shy and nerdy and became an easy target. 

I always had good academic brain. I won Dux in Year 12.

However I spent the first few years chopping and changing courses at uni because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and I pigeon-holed myself into engineering.

After 7 years, a few failed units many shit grades I came out with a Bachelors Degree in a fairly nichey enginerring field that is more a science field than engineering. 

The first two years were great for employment (I even relocated interstate after getting headhunted) but I got made redundant at the end of 2012. It's been shit since. 

I dreaded my days as a teenager but hoped my talents would see me do well as an adult. I was wrong.

I thought after all that bullying and struggling to make friends as a teenager things would get better. They really haven't. 

I have a strong interest in geography, maps qnd data. 

But it doesn't matter because I know I'm not valued in an employment sense. 

[Croix]

Dear Azzland~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Support Forum. A good move as you can look and see how others have managed to cope.

Being bullied at school is no trivial thing, it can can leave a mark that changes how you think about life and in many cases this feeling does not simply go away. Although it is other people that are to blame often the recipient comes to feel they are of no worth. I don't know why, it seems sort of inbuilt - perhaps if you are treated badly you mistakenly feel you are not worthy of being treated well.

That can make a big difference ot confidence and trust when around other people.

May I ask if you are seeking professional help for you anxiety and depression? The reason I ask is I could never get myself in a better state by myself and only started my recovery wiht the aid of medical professionals

You've obviously plenty of brains, your academic qualifications in the more rigorous area is testament to that and you also have specific interests - something not everybody can find for themselves.

There may well have been either a downturn in your particular area, or perhaps you are not as good at selling yourself as others (so get help with that), however the things you like, geography, maps and data are becoming increasingly important, for example in the medical field. 2023 will be a year where planning how to spend limited budgets to best effect is going to depend on those three things.

While you may be stuck in low skilled manual work at present just to keep your hand in until something better offers have you considered any of the Citizen Science areas, another field where these three are vital?

Trying to cope with all this by yourself is hard. Do you have anyone, family or freind perhaps, you can speak frankly wiht and get some support?

You are welcome here anytime

Croix

[Atleigh]

Hi azzland,

I can relate to your story. School and high-school were pretty average times for me too but when i got to uni I too thought finally things would go well, I loved my bachelors in Science and worked hard to get employed in mu field for a while thinking my life was finally on track. It was 2014 for me when it really crashed out. I had already moved sideways career wise then came redundancy and then working hospitality for minimum wage in my 30s to get by.

I got real low then. I had to make a real change to my thinking as it became clear my career was going no where. I realised one of the things i was good at was fixing problems logically and that actually works well in fields i hadn't looked at before.

I just started applying for anything that looked remotely interesting and juat saying sure I could do it even if it wasnt my field because to get to the qualifications we have we are friggin intelligent and capable of more than we get valued for. I also stopped caring about being "loyal" to a job, if i see something i apply for it now and make a decision when i have to on either taking a new opportunity or staying put. Our generation was taught to work hard and dont complain and eventually we will get our turn but the generations after us dont wait. If they want it they go for it so we have to do that too.

Im doing ok work wise now, jumped to several different roles and have got my self back up the top end. Its not my Science degree but the way i use my background to fix issues now makes me stand out. 

I hope you manage to get some opportunities this year- I do know your skills are vital in things like emergency management so maybe look in aome new places like goverment and emergency services? All these natural disasters are going to need some geospacial planning help...