Hidden behind a smile

[Bailevie]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Dean I’m new here and just after some advice. I’m 28 and actually find myself quite lucky in some ways because I have a wonderful partner and an 18 month old who I adore but can’t shake the feelings I have of myself. For some time now I’ve felt quite lonely outside of my relationship with my partner and our child mainly due to the fact that I’ve distanced myself from former people who I thought were my friends but ultimately it turns out they weren’t. This has of more recent times escalated to my immediate family who I do care for but their lack of seeming interest in my daughter, their granddaughter, is tearing me up a little bit and adding to that is my constant approach of maintaining my happy go lucky nature which I had for the most part of my life and mixing it with my social anxiety leaves me here today exhausted at the constant front I’m putting up. And the worst part about it is this is now effecting the people left in my life who I genuinely love and care for and that is my partner and daughter.
My partner and daughter are so supportive of me and we have great times but I’m having sudden outbursts which are mostly over minuscule things due to this pressure I’m putting on myself and it’s starting to effect and wear out my partner who has already got her hands full raising our daughter and having to deal with my issues as well.
She is pushing me towards speaking with someone which I know I should but I really struggle to open up to anyone. The fact I feel I’ve got no social network (friends/family) to openly speak to isn’t helping me either so I thought this might be a small step in the right direction.
Sorry if I’ve rambled on a little bit but I really appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read this and if anyone feels in a similar situation I would love to hear from you!

[Not Asking For A Friend]

Hi Bailevie.

I posted here for the first time tonight as well.

I can relate with you on many things you said. Today I confessed my wrongs to my partner and am seeing a GP tomorrow to get help. Whilst my future is very uncertain (we may still end our long term relationship). I am looking forward to sitting down with a professional.

Whilst it is not really advice, I can definitely say that simply making the decision to seek and accept professional help did feel positive.

[smallwolf]

Hello to both of you and welcome to beyond blue.

To Bailevie -

It may seem daunting to open up to someone about how you feeling though one of the things a professional will do will do is create some sort of rapport with you so that you might feel comfortable in talking with them. Secondly, most of what you say to them is confidential. And while you feel that you cannot open up with someone else, you have explained your situation quite nicely in your post. Perhaps you might find that writing here will give you the answers you are looking for? I would say that if you were to look at professional help you would also get tools and strategies that will help you with the issues you mentioned in your post.

To Not Asking For A Friend - I hope all goes well for you with the GP. It is a big step and one you should be proud of. I crave certainty but is something will never get - after all, we don't really know what will happen in 10 or 20 days from now.

Peace,

Tim

[geoff]

Good Morning to both Dean and Not Asking For A Friend and also welcome both of you alongside with Tim.

It's easy to distance yourself from people, your friends because that's how you feel in the relationship with your partner and your young child, it doesn't happen on purpose, but once the child arrives then your partner pays more attention to the baby.

There is much less time to be together, to socialise, to talk about future plans once the baby arrives and although there is no doubt you love both of them, you feel as though you have to hide what you really want to say.

This then flows through with most people but you can't take away that life definitely does change once the family grows, just as your relationship or marriage does.

Write down how you are feeling on some paper when you go and see your doctor, that's what I didn't do because I forgot what I wanted to say and this starts you pretending to answer any questions that may arise.

You're not alone here.

Geoff.