Hi

[Bmugg]

This is a first for me, normally I am just like eeyore - head down, one foot in front of the other. Recently I just feel like life is continually tripping me up.

I have a very medically complex child (2yr old) who requires 24 hour care to keep her breathing - that’s not even an exaggeration.. she has many other challenges also and is linked in with palliative care.

i have had a heart attack due to stress and an undiagnosed heart condition that lead to open heart surgery last year.

I have two other children 7 and 1 year.

I have a history of depression and have been back on medication for awhile now.

my partner struggles with pretty bad anxiety.

My mother is currently fighting cancer, and my father is not coping well.

my family circumstances have lead to very little interaction with friends, I don’t get good sleep, have very little time to relax and unwind. And have constant fear that I am letting my family down, not earning enough, will miss something with my little girl etc.

im climbing a mountain and cannot see the top - it’s been a long 2 years and I’m short on energy and optimism. I don’t know what to do and often have bad thoughts.

any ideas would be fantastic.

[Croix]

Dear Bmugg~

I would very much like to welcome you here, you sound at the end of your tether. Here you will find understanding - and care.

There are many people in the world who love widely and as a result try to ease the paths of all they feel affection for. This is wonderful, but such people also tend to regard themselves as bottomless wells of strenght and care.

Then when they find they are human and have limits guilt, frustration and feeling of hopelessness with no way out start to rise.

There is a sign above passengers' seats in aircraft

"Put oxygen mask in self before helping others"

Seems obvious, it not being selfish, just practical - and applies equally to you.

If you drive yourself too far into the ground, exhaust all your mental and physical resources you will help no one -I'm sure I do not have to tell you that, it worries you now.

So where does help come from? At one extreme you may end up in hospital, so it means other must work with you. Your husband may have anxiety - so do I, plus digression at times, but even through all the mental processes that brings it does not mean he is incapable of helping, may not be everything you need -but a bit.

I'm sorry your mum has cancer, is she still someone you can talk to? Being in her situation may still leave her conscious and with all the instincts of being a parent, and be a comfort.

I'm not surprised your dad is not coping well, with a life long partner so ill it makes for a huge hole in his life -perhaps helping you may ease him a little -have you asked for help?

Maybe my specific suggestions about help are unrealistic, I don't know the situation like you do, however in the same way you struggle to get help for everyone else you have to include yourself, and find help for you.

Ring our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) and ask what is available in your area, from respite services to Social Welfare. If they don't know ask them who might -and so on. Ask everyone, friends, your GP, the palliative care nurse, everyone. Don't stop till the burden has been largely lifted.

I know you mentioned being driven to bad thoughts. I have too and I found the the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) was the place to contact. Don't be put off by the name, they will talk of many things. They are there for all people and can be a real comfort, knowledgeable, professional and realistic - plus you can call them more than once without repeating yourself.

It would be wonderful if you came back and talked more,

Croix