Hi there!

[Camo72]

Hi my name is Camo and I am a newbie here.

A brief introduction 43 yo married 18 years with 2 kids, I live in rural NSW were I grew up on a farm. I'm not sure what to say here but when I did the k10 test my score came up as high. Last year I went to counselling for about 6 months for anxiety and depression, of all things it would manifest itself when I had to do work with my cattle (which i have been working with all my life) this had been going on for at least 5 years.

My mother who was agreat person had depression and a addiction to anti depressants sadly she died when I was 16, which sent my dad down hill for a long time. My sister ended up with a serious drug habit and sadly couldn't cope with it and took her own life when she was just 22. About 4 years after that my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer I helped care for him for 12 months till it beat him. Since this period in my life I have struggled to know what its like to be happy.

Some days it is a real struggle and I seem to be pissed off most of the time for no good reason and I AM SICK OF IT.

Last year I was made redundant from my job of 6 years and this I got another job on the local council until they put me off due to going home for morning smoko and lunch even though I was working in the town I live in.

I do a lot of volunteer work in my community, to try and keep the black dog away but since losing my job I can feel it coming back.

[geoff]

hi Camo, thanks for coming to the site and by having a high score on the K10 test obviously means that you have been struggling with this for too long, and it's not only bad enough when you are single but when you are married and have children it seems to go through the whole family.
We can never seem to comprehend why someone loses their life to depression, but in reality that's how powerful this illness is, it has the ability to control our lives and destroy what we once loved, and I'm very sorry for you to lose your dear mum and unfortunately caused a chain reaction for you, your dad and then your sister.
There is no explanation why people get cancer and like depression it's something no one ever wants to suffer from, as they cause so much damage, but here you have many friends who can relate to what you have told us and know the situation you are trying to cope with.
I know that by me saying to you that I'm pleased you have recognosed that you do a problem, is much better than us trying to convince you that you need help, so that's the first step, because you won't be able to overcome all of this by yourself, so you need to see your GP, but it doesn't end there he/she may want to refer you to a psychologist on a mental health plan, where you you can get 10 free visits, so to begin with this is what you need to do.
I don't know how your wife and kids are feeling at the moment, because this too is very important as this support would be very helpful.
Can I suggest that you get government help, if you haven't already, and stay in this volunteer work so that you can get the help you need, because at the moment any work you may find to very stressful so that you are unable to keep your position.
It takes time and help to overcome all of these sad times, but I do hope that we will hear back from you, because that's what we want, to help you get through all of this. Geoff.

[Starwolf]

Hi Camo, good to meet you. Welcome to the forums.

You have had a lot on your plate, no wonder it has taken its toll...Life often delivers negativity as a package and it feels we're under attack on all fronts. Dealing with several distressful situations, being someone's carer often results in losing track of ourselves. Our personal needs are forgotten on the back burner.

Your well being is a priority. I agree with Geoff that there is no need for you to struggle alone when assistance is available. With the right help, support and persistence, depression and anxiety can be managed.

Hats off to you for volunteering your time to help others. Losing a job is not easy to cope with but you are doing what you can in your given circumstances to lead a useful life. This takes a big heart. When illness strikes, parts of our lives necessarily fall by the wayside. It doesn't mean they can't be reclaimed -perhaps on a different level- when we feel stronger. Sometimes a page must be turned and a new chapter begins. Acceptance of what cannot be changed is a hard call but it sets the ground for healing to begin.

Joining these forums was a brave and wise decision. They're a safe place to connect with others who are/have been in similar situations. Venting thoughts and feelings helps unload some of the weight off your shoulders. Your contribution here will always be appreciated.

Great to have you on board.

[Narniakid]

Hi Camo72, welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am sorry to hear about your family and their struggles. It is unfortunate that depression can run through the family, and death can be a major trigger for our own mental health. You have a lot on your plate and even though you may be feeling low at the moment, I applaud you for still being able to get up in the morning despite all that has occurred.

Geoff and Starwolf have posted some great advice that you should take on board, and I encourage you to consider seeking professional help - you mentioned that you've previously seen a councillor, how did that go? Did you find the therapy helpful? Would seeing a different specialist be preferable? Would you be willing to give it another go? For me personally, I would not be where I am today if I didn't see my psychologist. I had to try a few different ones before I found one that I really connected with, but it was very well worth it.

It is so lovely to hear that you are engaging in some volunteer work! I too am an avid volunteer worker with a number of different charities and organisations, and it's not only a fantastic distraction, it's so rewarding and you get to meet some of the best people, so good on you!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Crystal

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Thanks for sharing. You've been through a lot of pain and loss. I don't have the most eloquent reply but just wanted to say keep holding on. Hang in there.

Dottie