Hi new here, my experience with emotional wellbeing

Catto23

Hi There,

Sorry if I post anything not allowed in this post, but I'm happy to be here! happy to have this safe space to write down my thoughts about mental health, share experiences (and to low key vent). I found this forum a long time ago, a lurker and I'm finally posting. I have had a long experience with mental health problems or looking after my emotional well-being I guess... I literally didn't know it was a thing, ... for the longest time. I guess growing up in an immigrant family. Pretty much bottled up my feelings of grief (loss of a caretaker) and breakup (that I didn't class as a breakup) that pretty much sent me off the tracks a lot. I am feeling much more open to sharing these now... and emotional care is quite important to me now. (I have anxiety, and had depression)

For me, I have found finding a psychiatrist that listens and takes me seriously, and it has helped me greatly. She monitors my meds and has helped me direct me to see an appropriate psychologist (so many treatments out there, and varying types of psychologists! in my case cbt, schema therapy, ifs therapy etc). In my opinion fit is super important when it comes to matching with a psychologist.

I guess what I'm working on now - and why I came to this forum, is that because of my life experiences I am I think experiencing distance from my emotions, maybe dissociation possibly? and unfortunately, it makes me feel like I am living a lie, cos I dissociated when I was 21 (and 10+ years have gone now). When I think of my emotions, gosh , how will I ever intergrate myself (my emotions and thoughts into one unit). I have a own life now, a boyfriend and trying to adult D:, but I have no idea if my emotions even know my boyfriend at all, hence the feeling like a lie bit, and hence the post

Thanks for listening to that rant, appreciate the space that this is. I will lurk and be a slow replyier if there is any, thanks

therising

Hi Catto23

It sounds like you've gained a lot in the way of self understanding. Such a tough gig at times, this self understanding business. So many questions too, such as

Who am I?
How do I tick or why do I tick the way I do?
Why do I suffer so much at times?
Why do I feel the way I feel or why do I not feel anything in some cases?

and the list goes on.

To find a great guide who can guide us to certain revelations, skills, strategies etc can definitely make things somewhat easier. Someone to help shed light at certain times that can feel incredibly dark can come as a relief. I'm glad to hear you have a great guide in your psychiatrist. 'Alone in the dark (of depression)' can be such an intensely challenging feeling.

If it's of any help, I like to think of emotion as 'energy in motion' or you could call it e-motion. You can feel a particular type of energy moving through you and in some cases not moving through you. While we could feel a sense of 'joy' (one type of energy) moving through us or a sense of 'excitement' or a sense of 'inspiration' etc, there are times where the question can be 'What's the deal here, why can't I feel or sense anything?'. I've found the answer to be 'I can still feel and still sense. What I'm feeling or sensing is a lack of something'. Whether it's a lack of much needed revelations, a lack of dopamine, a lack of serotonin or oxytocin, a lack of soulful adventure or a lack of vision of the way forward, it can be far from easy to identify what it is that's actually missing. I've found a lack of the things I need in order to feel life running through me can definitely feel depressing at times.