Hi, I’m new

[Dellychoice]

I’ve decided to post this today as I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what i’m feeling except lost. I should be happy, I don’t really have anything that should be making me feel down, yet I am.

Its like a switch flipped one day and things just started to get to me, I got promoted at work about 6 months ago and things were really looking up.
About 4 months ago I started playing an online game on discord, and I made some new friends even tho they are from overseas I was happy because I haven’t made any friends where I live since moving in with my partner 3 years ago. And then every day from the moment I woke up till the time I went to sleep, I was on my phone to play or watch the game and talk to my friends, my partner never communicated to me that she didn’t like it until yesterday. For the last few weeks she felt ignored and I didn’t even realise how obsessed I was. It was like an escape and i’m struggling but I’ve deleted discord. I still talk to 2 of my friends on Facebook but my partner still thinks I should remove them and find friends were I live. I just don’t know.

Sorry this is just a rant and I don’t even know if this will make any sense.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

(Forgive me in my reply, I can just spew out what is in my brain)

Ranting is OK - better to get it out than ...

.. and it does make sense. 🙂

In another lifetime (early 2000s) I could say that I was addicted to online games. I was working from home. And the want or need to play a game rather than working was strong. Working from home meant that there was little social interaction with other people so would substitute that with people in online games. I also played the game(s) as I could imagine the NPCs as customers. ODD, huh!

The needing to play creeps up onto you, and don't really notice the effect is can have on you. It may take a short while before the struggling feeling you have passes.

Your solution was to delete discord.

Finding friends where you are should be possible. What sort of things are you interested in? What about people from your work? Before Covid-19 were there any work/social activities?

Tim

Do you need to remove your online friends as well? That part I cannot answer.

[Emmen]

Hello Dellychoice,

Welcome to the forums.

I understand your partner was unhappy with you playing online games, but has she explained why she wants you to not have contact with your two friends? You can certainly make new friends where you live (and I'd think that would be a good practice in any case), but you could also ask her why she feels uncomfortable with those two friends (e.g. is it because she thinks they'll draw you back into games, or are your online chats with them making her feel ignored?) Once you know the root of why this is making your partner uncomfortable, you may be able to address it better.

Take care,
Emmen

[missep123]

Hi Dellychoice,

Welcome to the forums!

From my own personal experience, a lot of misunderstandings can come from miscommunication. Have you tried to explain to your partner the importance of these online friends? I also agree with Emmen's idea of understanding why this is making your partner uncomfortable.

I can understand it can be really hard to make friends when we move somewhere new! Is there anyone at your workplace that you connect with? Otherwise it might be an idea to look for local clubs or gyms that have hobbies that you enjoy!

Here for you!

[Dellychoice]

That’s the thing I honest don’t even know what my interests are besides gaming. I’ve tried to connect with people I work with but outside of work it’s just different. Before covid we had work parties twice a year and I’d always go to them and have a blast but other than that no. I even invited some work friends to my birthday last year and out of the 7 of them only 1 person let me know they weren’t going to come the others just didn’t show. And 2 that did came extremely late. So I guess that’s why I’ve stopped trying to make friends with people at work.

She is okay with them being on facebook but has said she doesn’t want me going back on to discord again. I think her main issue was that I did ignore, and then said I wouldn’t go back on it and then I did.

She doesn’t understand how I can’t try and keep in contact with my friend that lives a few hours away compared to the people online. Even if I try and start convos sometimes they don’t go anywhere but with my friends online they actually want to talk.

ive struggled to find clubs around my place, I really don’t know where to start.

thanks again to everyone’s replies

[missep123]

Hi Dellychoice,

I think it's really great that you attended the work parties! I'm sometimes not brave enough to go to them. That's the hard thing with work friends because it's the line between work and friend. A lot of different personalities, values and ways of doing things.

When my partner games I know it's 'him' time because with his headphones on he can't hear me or he can't pause the game. So we made a deal that for x hours on x days that would be his gaming time with his friends (negotiable of course!) which meant that the other times I wouldn't feel ignored and we could spend quality time together. Would this perhaps be an option for you and your partner?

here for you!