hi! I am new here...

[eliza_s]

Hi, saw this website when I googled depression and tried to understand myself. I am ok most of the times, but there are just days when overwhelming emotions that I can't contain just came rushing over me and I feel crazy trying to understand while trying to pinpoint memories when I was a kid as a culprit, hurting over something that it's not even a big deal if I have to be logical about it. It makes me crazy trying to figure out the WHYs of how I am feeling... anger over something trivial , sadness , helplessness, or a feeling that I don't even have a word for it.

Talking to family about it doesn't seem to be a good idea, the last time I attempted, I was at the peak of feeling of frustration and I was interpreted as someone who is disrespectful and ungrateful and I am still in the process of accepting that they won't be able to understand me. All the more now, I am scared to be judged on why I feel what I feel so i normally resort to suppressing these feelings over the last few years.

[Petal22]

Hi eliza s,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Have you thought about talking to your gp about the way you are feeling?

You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist.

Just a little quote for you…

Sometimes our emotions are neither, good or bad right or wrong. Feelings are what they are. They simply exist.Judging your emotions won’t make you feel better. Remember that they will pass. When an emotion is strong it can feel like “ the truth.” Just alet yourself feel it, allow it then let it go.

It can be exhausting trying to pin point the way we feel.

Im sorry that your family have reacted to you in the way they have I understand this would feel unheard to you.

Its ok to express the way you feel and not be judged for it.

By seeing a psychologist you can openly speak about the way you are feeling and not be judged for it.

We are a very supportive non judgmental community and we are here to support you. Please reach out anytime

[Banksy92]

Hi Eliza,

Welcome to the forums, it's great to have you here and thanks for being honest and opening up with us about what you're going through. I think it's a good sign that you are trying to understand yourself and are asking questions to try and feel better.

I also understand what it's like to try and make sense of unsettling memories only for my family to shut me down. Not everyone will see it the same way or feel ready to explore these things, so it really is better to venture this path alone.

Have you considered talking to a doctor to get onto a mental health care plan? Finding a psychologist or counsellor you trust is a great step to work through these challenges and build the strategies to feel better.

I'm so sorry you're struggling with these low days, it's an awful feeling and so hard for us to help ourselves when we're drained of energy or unable to think straight. Do you have a friend or someone other than family you trust who you can speak to about how you feel?

[Mark Z.]

Hi Eliza_s,

I understand it's overwhelming and frustrating.

Neither you and I, or your family are professional, so it's very hard to diagnose with limited knowledge. I think it's time for you to seek professional support. You can try either contact Beyond Blue hotline 1300 22 4636 (24/7) to have a chat, or see your GP for a referral to a good psychologist, or do both. When the mental health issue is serious enough, time will not heal and it will escalate instead, so don't wait.

Hope everything will be better soon.

Mark

[Sophie_M]

Hi there, eliza_s!

We are very glad that you found us and have decided to join our community here online!
Depression is truly very cruel sometimes, especially in how it sometimes seems to drown all our other experiences.  - sometimes there is no one culprit beyond simple brain chemistry, or a memory we can barely grasp, traumas we can hardly remember.... it can be impossible to trace a source. Luckily finding just one source is not necessary to your healing and moving forward.
Let us also encourage you to remember - nothing depression or anxiety does is logical. When it triggers it triggers, and if it finds a trigger that hurts you - well, that’s just what that does. Please try not to judge your feelings - the depression will want you to. it will want you to believe your feelings are bad! Always remember, emotions do not need to be justified. They need to be experienced, but then dismissed, depression doesn't deserve to own you.

We are very sorry to hear that your experience of seeking help from family did not feel very caring and supportive - certainly that can leave us down a dark pit sometimes. Always remember that we do not need to rely solely on those most closely around us for support - you are worthy of support no matter where you need to find it - though the hurt of it not coming from family is understandable/

We have no doubt many of your peers here in the community will want to provide that support and be with you very soon - in the meantime, we are here for you 24/7 - call 1300 22 4636 or click here to start a webchat.

Thank you again for joining us - many will feel less alone reading your post and know you share experiences with them - please reach out soon!

Regards,

Sophie M.