Hi guys

[Greyhound123]

Hi guys,

I am new here, (obviously). I have had OCD and seen a psychiatrist for as long as i can remember. I do not really do the rituals any more, however i really obsess over things sometimes. About 9 months ago my wife convinced me to stop taking my SSRI's so after discussion with my psychiatrist i stopped. However the pressure of university, my wedding and work built up and i decided to start taking them again after a few months. Fast forward to 3 months ago and I decided to stop again, because i really want to know what life is like not on medication. Everything was not too bad but i do tend to obsess, first it was over moving house and changing careers, which i got over, then it was uni results. But worst is over the last few days it has been over weather i am a good person and a good husband and good enough for my wife. I obsess over mistakes i have made in the past, like being rude etc. Over weather i am to grumpy with her. Over many things, i will dissect things over and over and over again in my head, all day and all night, the same thing, until i can't think of anything else, and want to cry. Over the last few days i felt suicidal. I will never do it, but i just felt like i have no worth, that if i died the repetition would stop and that i would be better off dead.I have thought about the same mistakes in the past and when in a sound frame of mind laughed to myself that why i would get upset over such trivial things. But at times like this it feels like the end of the world. I could talk to my wife but she doesn't understand. I have an appointment for my doctor in two weeks so hopefully I will calm down before then.

Many years ago i was active on an online anxiety support forum and found it a rewarding experience, hopefully i can get that from here too. I am also keen to hear from people who have stopped their medication for an extended period to see if it does make a difference in their lives.

[White_Rose]

Dear Greyhound

Hello and welcome. Grey hounds are one of my favourite dogs, probably because they are essentially lazy and love curling up next to you on the sofa. Sounds like the perfect description of me.

I can relate to not wanting to take medication. I have tried to live without them on several occasions. If you do this under medical supervision you run fewer risks of becoming ill. By that I mean having withdrawal symptoms which can be severe. Last year I had an experience of my SSRI interacting with another medication. And it was the pits. Once I found out the cause I stopped the other medication immediately. Because I was so unwell I decided I needed to stop the SSRI also. There's logic for you.

The weaning off the SSRI was too quick so I added withdrawal to the rest of my woes. Eventually I recovered and thought I was well. For a short time. What I experienced was some clarity of thought which had been disastrously missing in the previous five months. The side effects of the SSRI disappeared and that was great. I had not realised some of these belonged to the AD, but believed there was some other cause.

Eventually my GP persuaded me to try another AD and this time I tried a tricyclic med. I understand this is the first group of ADs on the market and now are very old. I understand they work because they target a broader spectrum. Anyway, however they work, they are good for me.

Your comment about wanting to see what life was like without meds really resonated with me. That was my idea and I still think it is valid. Now I know I do not function really well without them. I really think I can manage my life without ADs because I know so much more about me, my triggers etc. Taking medication does not cure me. It help to keep me on a more even balance. In many ways I believe I was mildly depressed for much of my adult life, and this was exacerbated by my difficult marriage. I think I will need to take this AD for the rest of my life, but I no longer fight against this.

I still worry about the things I do and say and get upset over actions from many years ago. Now I can deal with these so I am more comfortable. How much does your wife know about depression and anxiety? Do you think it would help if you browsed this web site and got BB to send whatever you would like. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on the topics of your choice under The Facts.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are going.

Mary

[Greyhound123]

Thanks for that, It is interesting that other people feel the same way about living without medication. I am still very unsure what i will do and have rang my Psychiatrist for an earlier appointment to discuss things.

My wife knows a bit about depression and anxiety as she keeps reminding me she studied psychology at uni as part of her law degree. But to be honest i think she thinks she knows more than she does, there are a lot of cultural boundaries there as she is from overseas in a country where mental health is extremely stigmatized and anyone with mental health issues is seen as child like and without control of themselves or their emotions (at least from what i see among her family and friends attitudes towards others who are open about it, and her initial reaction when i told her 5 years ago). However she is a deeply caring person and she is fairly understanding. The cultural differences from when we met to now are alot less as through the years together we have become closer and we both understand each other better, she is becoming more and more open, hopefully as the time passes she will understand better. Unfortunately i think formal information and pamphlets will fall of deaf ears.

[Tickles]

Sending love and hugs as you go through this yuck time. I'm there right now and it's not easy. I can't say anything helpful but I am sending love. X

[geoff]

hi Greyhound, I had thought that I replied to you, but it hasn't appeared, as I understand what OCD is all about as I've had it for 56 years.
Can I say that obsessions are what causes rituals, and the medication you have taken is not something that can be stopped and started just as it feels that that's what you want to do.
OCD is a powerful illness and once you have it, then there's a chance that your obsessions could decrease, but when you are under any type of pressure they will return.
Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Hello Grey hound

Dropping you a line to ask how you are going? Have you found any other threads here that are helpful? Perhaps you can give support to those who are struggling here. I find it helps me to help others. So often someone has put my concerns in writing and I can say, "Yes, that's me".

Mary

[Greyhound123]

Hi Geoff, thanks for the advice, I think your right I am just waiting for my appointment with my doctor to see what to do.

[Greyhound123]

Thanks mate hope you are feeling better

[Greyhound123]

Hello thank you very much for checking up on me I really appreciate it. I am actually feeling a lot better however the low I got to was a lot worse than I have had in years. I am going to see my doctor on Friday I tried to get an earlier appointment but she is on holidays, and will see where to go from there. I am actually very glad I found his forum. Years ago I was active on an anxiety/depression one in the "MySpace" days and have sometimes missed it as I gained a lot of support just reading others posts and helping where I feel I have something of value to add. I have been reading around an really gained a lot thanks. You guys do a great job of looking out for each other and helping random people which I really admire. You too Geoff and blond guy

[Marcsa]

Hi Greyhound123,

My posts and threads are coming out all higgelty-piggelty.

I want to say that before you decrease your medication, I would be consulting with my GP or whoever had prescribed me the medication. I'm sure you know that.

The other thing I wanted to mention is Mindfulness. I think it has similarities to Meditation. Perhaps that would be of some use in calming your thoughts.