Hi first time on here. I just want to be happy.

[BEP19]

Hi all,

This is the first time I have reached out for help as i have finally admitted to my self that i have depression. My problem is ....I am a people pleaser. So when i have hurt someone I feel so terrible inside and it doesn't matter how many times they have hurt me I still feel like a worthless piece of trash. So with having this problem i can no longer be my self. I am who people want me to be which has resulted in me feeling lost and not knowing who i am anymore. I am just wanting to be happy again and to find me again. So i am just wondering where to start and what to start with.

Thank you for your time.

[Hang10]

Hi BEP19,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and a happy new year as well.

It hard I know. I am too a people pleaser and feel upset with myself if I don’t make someone happy or if I upset someone.

I find when I get like this I read books on self esteem and I love listening to music. Pleasing people is draining and I hope you can find some hobby or relaxing time to recharge the batteries.

There nothing better when pleasing someone and they are thankful for it. It gives you a natural high knowing you made a difference but the flip side when they don’t appreciate you pleasing them this can lead to anxiety and depression issues that you are experiencing. Try to only deal with people that you know that enjoy you as who you are. Where you don’t have to over extend.

When you get upset, always remember that you are a nice person and that you got a lot going for you. Beening sensitive is hard but on the flip side again it can be beautiful and rewarding.

Take care.

Hang10.

[BEP19]

Hi Hang10

Thank you so much for your reply. It's nice to know that i am not the only one out there that feels this way. I also love music as music is my escape. I think i need to understand the fact that you can not make everyone happy and not everyone in the world is going to like you. Once again thank you for your reply it has really lifted me. Thank you.

[Kris78]

Hi there, this is my first time on here as well, you’re not alone I also am a people pleaser. I’m so tired and drained and like you just want to be happy for me.. I am so much of a people pleaser that even when my adult (20years old) child wants a drink she will message me from her bedroom and I will bring her a drink, I basically do everything for my partner down to scrubbing him in the bath after a long day at work. I am at the point where I am unable to work the anxiety of waking in the morning scares me. So what I try and do lately is making sure I try to put my thoughts first (think before I react). Being a people pleaser I think is just enabling other people to be lazy. Why should we allow this to impact us. I now try to take the time to sit and read a book or for me cleaning is another way of handling my anxiety. Or just hoping in the car and going for a drive either to sit on the beach or just drive around.

And I also find that Getting rid of items that I have no use for. Decluttering a room helps me declutter my head. I hope some of my little tips help you as well.

I look forward to hear progress with you

[BEP19]

Hi Kris78,

Thank you so much for your reply and your helpful ideas to deal with this. I think this all comes from my mum. She is a people pleaser too and i grew up being taught that its the right thing to put people first and would get told off if i didn't. So im finding it hard to change my mind set after 27 years of being taught this way. It's now starting to get to me as i dont know what i like, what my interest are as i just keep doing things for others. So it has resulted in myself being depressed. But when i have hurt someone or if someone doesnt like me the pain i feel inside can not be described and it hard cause alot of people do not understand it. Plus when i do do something for my self someone doesnt like it or i just feel terrible for putting myself first. My depression with this is now affecting my relationships.

So i have hit my limit and gone i need to bring some happiness in life and i thank you very much for reaching out to me and suggesting ideas. Wishing you alot of love, laughter and happiness.