Hey, not feeling the best

[couldntthinkofone]

Jeez it feels stupid starting with hey but had to start with something. It's currently midnight and I've just searched the internet for some self pity when i came across this website. May as well give it a shot so here it goes. Not going to say my name or age or anything like that. I am still in school and i have constantly been, well depressed and i don't like to throw that word around for nothing. Both my parents have and are dealing with depression and so is my little brother. I live with my father apart from my mum and siblings and go to a school i don't belong. I have never been able to do anything right and have always been the dumbest one of the friendship group. In fact i just had a meltdown to myself because there's an assignment due tomorrow i haven't nor will do. When my brother was diagnosed with depression both my parents forgot about me and he's the center of attention. Don't get me wrong i'm so happy he's getting better but i've always been the let down kid and for once would like them to be proud of me. They both know i don't belong in a fancy school that i currently go to and so do i. I've even been asked by them "Do you even think you belong there?" (Sorry if i keep going off on tangents i'm just still emotional). At school the basic situation is i am pretty ugly, generally piss people off, pretty sure my "friends" hate me, worry for one of my likewise depressed friend and as basic as this sounds, feel so bloody alone. I hate everything about me and wish i had the guts to do something about it. Sorry to end off on a sad note but yeah that's me i guess. Nobody else but whoever reads this knows who i really am. Don't know what this is supposed to achieve but hey i gave it a shot.

[TimOG1990]

Well....that is a tough spot. Hi, I'm Tim, I too am struggling in my little life at the moment. First and foremost you are not alone - you are here, with us.

Life can be so hard and so "unfair", I was in a similar spot in high school. I was 100kg in year 8 and terrible to look at, I couldn't read or write until I was 13 and I taught myself. I had barely any friends and lived in my brothers shadow.

Here I am, now 28. I am an ex commercial pilot and air traffic controller. I am married to the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet and we own 100acres where we are building a farm.

My point is that life does get better, first you have to empower yourself which will enable you to help you. Which, I know you can do!

I said I am struggling, whilst this is true - I am so glad I went through what I did as a child/teenager because it has driven me to where I am now. Life taught me life skills - you will be fine. There is a great book called 'feeling good' by David D Burns M.D. This is an excellent resource if you're interested.

Take care,

Tim

[therising]

A warm welcome to you and I must say I'm so glad you found this site. I see Tim has already touched base with supportive words, solid advice and obvious understanding. He's definitely spot on in saying that you are not alone.

You obviously have a lot of challenging things happening all at once so it makes sense for you to be feeling lost among the lot. Not sure if the following will provide some form of enlightenment but here goes:

• How were or are you being led to positively/constructively identify yourself with your parents' depression being a factor in the household/s?
• How were you led to positively/constructively identify yourself during your parents' separation?
• How have you been led to positively/constructively identify yourself in relation to your brother and his needs?
• How are you being led to positively/constructively identify yourself in an environment where you feel you don't belong, such as with school (the people within this environment included)?

• How are you being led to positively/constructively identify yourself whilst you navigate the challenges within depression?

You probably noticed one common theme: How were or are you being led to positively/constructively identify yourself?

In relation to our environment, including the people in it, it's impossible to avoid the process of forming or reforming our identity. It's how we continuously reform that becomes a key factor in how we perceive our self. It's definitely interesting to consider the idea that very few of us are raised in a way where we're made conscious of how we're forming/reforming our identity.

I'm mum to a 13yo boy and 16yo girl and I must say that I try my best to make them conscious of identity based stuff, including factors like mental processing and the chemistry involved in influencing things such as 'happiness', 'sadness', 'anger' motivation etc. Such attentiveness stems from having lived with depression myself for about 15 years, in the earlier part of my life. A false sense of identify (aka lies) led me in. Discovering the truth, with help, is what led me out. By the way, I know it sounds simplistic but when lies conflict with the truth, a war of sorts plays out in our head.

Sounds like it's time to seek out the most positive and constructive form of guidance. This may come in the form of a mental health professional or perhaps a close compassionate and inspiring relation who understands the complexity of depression.

Take care of yourself on your quest of reformation

[geoff]

Hello, and it's really good you have had the courage to post your comment because there are so many people here on this site and even those who haven't registered who know exactly what you are referring too.

Thanks to Tim and Therising for their good replies.

Sometimes we may want to be alone when we are so impressed with ourselves but normally we need friends to help build up our confidence, credibility, especially when we feel proud of what we've done, but when people don't allow this to happen that's when we feel alone and even more so we tend to criticise ourselves and believe that something is wrong with us, that's the main point, because we start to ask questions and then try to answer them, this is where people begin to feel alone.

Loneliness and not being able to express your feelings is not a suitable situation, so are you able to give your dad a letter, that way it's easier to let him know how you are feeling, because if you start talking to him then you maybe worried about what you have to say, and then not mention it.

Pleased that you have contacted us and hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.