Help! Stress at work close to triggering a relapse/episode. Need a way out!

[highfunction]

Hi everyone,

New member/first post

I hope you are all well and thank you so much for reading!

A bit of back story: I'm a middle aged man with Bipolar 1. I was diagnosed at 27 years old at the start of 2011 when after many months of battling depression and suffering a complete inability to sleep, I had my very first (and only) psychotic break/manic episode. After voluntary admission, I spent a horrible 2 months inside a mental health ward under the public system in Queensland. It took about 6 months to start to adjust back to reality and about 12 months to feel "normal" again, not before losing my fiance, and my job at the time.

I haven't had a single case of severe depression or a manic episode since that first one back in 2011 now that I have found a good combination of meds with the help of my case manager and GP. I've managed so well that for the past 6 years I haven't had to see my case manager at all, just my GP for script repeats and check ups. Since 2012 I have held down jobs successfully, payed rent and bills, managed relationships, lived and worked around the country and abroad. For the most part, all has been fine.

Here is my problem now though - my new job. I'm a project manager. It's a job I have wanted for many years. The problem is that being project oriented it's intense for short periods and i'm finding it incredibly stressful. I can feel myself slipping and symptoms starting to show. At the moment it's just anxiety and stress but I am finding it hard to concentrate properly and am making poor judgments. Soon it will become clear that I'm dropping the ball and am no longer dependable or reliable. I am worried that eventually, on this trajectory, i'm a ticking time bomb 😞 worst part is that this level of stress is only set to increase over the coming weeks.

I feel that in order to avoid the inevitable, I need to find a way to leave this job. I just don't know how to approach it with my boss. He has no idea about my illness. We are getting a senior manager for the project in about a month, but I honestly can't handle this job any longer. I feel like I need take some downtime and focus on a new career that is less stressful. My mother is a big hoarder and desperately needs help with her house. I'm considering resigning from my position and spending time with her to help her clean up whilst I regroup and look at other career options.

Have you been in a similar position? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!!!

-HF

[Summer Rose]

Hi HF

Welcome to the bb forums and thank you for sharing your story.

You've certainly been through a lot of pain and suffering and you should be so proud of yourself for finding a way back. You sound really adept at managing your health and again deserve a big round of priase. I know it wasn't easy to get where you are today.

I am a mum who has cared for a teen, now a young adult, with anxiety and OCD who has also reached recovery after a five year battle. She started university this year and found maintaining her part time job stressful. She wanted both.

I'm going to tell you what I told her: put your health first. You've worked hard to achieve it, so safeguard it.

If this job isn't right for you, that's fine. There will be a better, more suitable, one for you down the road.

Alternatively, because you say it's your dream job, you could see your GP, take some sick leave (and help mum) and see how it goes when the new person comes on board. You might find that with a mental health break and proper support at work that it gets better.

What do you think?

[KittyCat23]

Maybe you thought project management was your dream job, but sometimes we make that decision from the outside looking in, unaware of the downsides of the position. If you truly think this might not be the job for you why not have a chat with your boss. Be honest and say you love the company, and the work but perhaps project management isn't for you. Through this conversation one of two things will happen....he/she might say, thanks for your honesty and actually we'd hate to lose you how about this other job we have. Or they might say we'll accept your resignation. My point is, if you think you are going to quit anyway there's nothing to lose by approaching your manager first just in case they have another job for you. If not, then nothing is really lost is it?

It's okay to admit when something isn't for you and it looks better if you can admit it and say you made a mistake. No-one will hold that against you.

[highfunction]

Hi Summer, thanks so much for your reply and sage advice, I found this very helpful. Congratulations also on your daughter making it into university, you must be very proud 🙂

I definitely need to put my health first. It is my dream job so I think your alternative idea is my plan for the moment. Get back in touch with my old case manager and see my GP + look at taking some time off potentially. Like you say, perhaps with a break and proper support + when the new person comes on board things will get easier, too.

Thanks again

- HF

[highfunction]

Hi KittyCat23

Thank you, this is also great advice and made me think. Especially the outside looking in part. I was expecting to be able to manage the stress of the role, but maybe I’m just not built for it. The return of symptoms like those I mentioned is very unsettling and alarming. I’m just glad my sleeping is still OK.

I’m lucky I work with a close friend and have confided in them since I made this post. They have helped a lot. I will see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks again

-HF

[Summer Rose]

Hi HF

You sound like you're on the right track. The most important thing to do is to alleviate your symptoms. Nothing, not even a dream job, is worth sacrificing your health. One step at a time and you'll work it out.

Best wishes to you