Help.... my boss is a narcissist

Molly83 · ‎16-04-2018

Hi all,

I've never used any kind of support page before so i hope me posting on here is ok. I dont even know where to begin, firstly i would love some advice but otherwise any kind of support is just nice.

I currently feel like im out of options and all i have left is just a case of suffering in silence and hoping the matter will eventually go away. My problem with narcissistic abuse is with my boss, im trying to look for another job but thats easier said than done, i used to love my job but now its a struggle to get out of bed everyday because i know I'll have to face him.

Ive been reading up on the behaviour of a narcissist and can see how my situation fitted into his personality, as some would say i suppose he "groomed" me, making out to be a friend when he wasn't, in doing so i confided in him when i had personal problems, i later started to get suspicious, i started to feel he was manipulating my circumstances for his own personal need, it then got to a point where we had a new girl start in our team, i noticed the matter even more as he would try and play me off against her which i tried not to react to but it does slowly break away at the confidence i once had, im now working on a project with this girl and we both report directly to him, im sure you can imagine how it now feels, ive tried to open up to the girl and make her aware of what his like but i feel like she is manipulating the situation to further her career so at the moment i feel very much on my own in this situation.

Apologies for such a long message, i know there isnt a lot that can be done in this situation but any comforting words are welcome.

quirkywords · ‎16-04-2018

Molly,

Welcome the forum. I am glad to chose to send your post. No apologies needed it was well expressed and not long at all.This is a caring and supportive community.

t sounds like you are in a very awkward situation with your boss. Normally I would say have word with your boss, but that is hard when he is causing you problems. Is there anyone else at work , like in Human Resources HR,or anyone at all at your work who is supportive, that could help you or you could talk to you so you don't feel so alone. The feeling you are on your own and being manipulated is a very isolating one.

I was wondering with the new girl that if you open up too much she maybe reporting back to the boss. I maybe wrong here, but is sounds like you feel the environment is not a safe one where you feel ok about being honest to others about your feeling.

Was your boss always been like this or was he different when you first started.?

It is important you look after yourself in this uncomfortable situation.

Feel free to post here when you want to.

Quirky

Molly83 · ‎17-04-2018

Hi Quirky,

Thank you for the response, ive worked at the organisation for about 7 yrs now, he was never like it to begin with, well not to me anyway, I've recently found out he was like it with past employees though, i never had much interaction with him at the start but when i got an opportunity to cover higher duties that was when he started to interact.

I do have concerns that by opening up to the new girl she may have passed that back to him and i feel like the damage has already been done so im being mindful with what i say now which i suppose makes it all feel worse as its just making me feel more isolated.

Unfortunately the HR dept isnt the greatest where i work, im aware of other matters that have gone through HR and the results were not good so im concerned the matter could back fire on me.

I have tried to open up to a couple of girls who have seen the ways my boss has been treating me and dont agree with it and they have been great but i dont want to burden them too much, 1 of the girls has had the same experience as me and now feels like she is in a good place so im trying to be mindful of that as i dont want to ruin that for her.

Thank you again for the reply.

MrDonut28 · ‎17-04-2018

I've never been in a situation like this myself, though it does seem a bit complicated. It does seem like there are unethical things that your boss is doing in taking advantage of you in some ways. More often than not, just hoping the problem will go away, is that it won't unless if something is done about it.

If HR isn't doing their job, is there a job advocacy group, like Fair Work Australia where someone like that could help you?

The other question is, is your boss intentionally doing this manipulative behavior to fulfill his own gain, or is he unintentionally doing this? If I was doing something that someone didn't like, I would feel more comfortable the person telling me what the issue is, and then I could make adjustments in my professionalism. But thats just me.

Hope this helps!

Molly83 · ‎30-04-2018

Hi MrDonut28,

Thank you for your reply, I'll try and do some more research and look at fair work Australia, he definitely knows his doing it intentionally, I've told him on more than 1 occasion, even a work colleague had tried to make him aware but he just has the attitude that he doesn't care.