Help my 20year son driving me crazy

[Mum-23]

Hi I have a 20year old son who hasn’t had a good year. He has had lots of life changes and not coped well. He has health issues as a result. His drinking is a huge problem. He thinks he doesn’t have a problem, I have family history of issues with alcohol which I haven’t hidden and he’s aware but nothing seems to get through to him. Drinking and driving is huge problem, pls help

[indigo22]

Hi Mum-23,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out. You may already be aware of this but I will say it anyway. Your son is drinking because he is not able to cope with what he is feeling inside, it is a way for him to escape having to deal with how he feels 24/7. You said he has had a difficult time in the past year and has not coped well, I would suggest that perhaps it is more than that, that perhaps he has become overwhelmed. Are you in the type of relationship where you can both talk openly? If so, please try to get him to open up about what he is feeling deep down so that can be addressed, the alcohol is just a symptom of the real issue. Let him know he will not be judged whatever the problem is, you just want to listen and offer him some help. I hope this is of some help, feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo22

[sbella02]

Mum-23,

Thank you for reaching out, you're doing the right thing here. I applaud you for having the strength to open up to us about the difficulties you're observing with your son. 

I'll echo Indigo's words in that it's important to open a non-confrontational, non-judgemental conversation with your son to ask what he may be struggling with and if there's anything you can do to help, whether it be listening to him, spending more quality time with him, or getting him help or resources. There is definitely a deeper issue at hand accompanying (or provoking) his alcohol use, and he may not necessarily feel comfortable discussing it but will likely appreciate your unconditional support. Remind him that you're there for him and that you aren't judging him, but do relay your concerns if his alcohol use continues, particularly with respect to your family history.

It sounds like this is distressing for you as well, and it's important that you're taking care of your own wellbeing too. If there's anything you like doing to relax - taking a walk, having a bath, engaging in hobbies etc. - these may help keep your mind safe while you're helping your son.

Please continue chatting with us if you wish, we'd love to offer more support if we can.

Take care, SB