Help me please

[Dr_OBS]

Hi everyone.

I hope you guys are doing well and are safe and healthy. I recently finished uni and came back to Australia and I have to leave the country again for work purposes. I have always been close to my parents, especially my dad. This year I lost my best friend and it made things really difficult emotionally. I now have this sort of death fear. Not for myself, but that it’ll strike someone in my family. Please don’t tell me that it takes everyone, I now that. I just want to stop being convinced that it’s coming for my loved ones soon. It gives me so much anxiety and I don’t know why it keeps happening. It gets triggered whenever someone passes away in an untimely manner. I want to die sometimes just to shut the voices up. I don’t know what to do and I haven’t got the resources to see a counsellor at present. Do you guys have any coping mechanisms that might help?

[Sophie_M]

Dear Dr.OBS and welcome to the forums,

We understand that it would have been very difficult to share your story and we think you are so strong for reaching out to our community. We want you to know that things can always improve with the right support, and there is always support available to you. We understand that you feel right now that things might not get better, but they absolutely can. It sounds like you have been through a lot of grief and loss which can be very painful. We are sorry to hear you have had trouble getting access to mental health support, We would really encourage you to contact us at our support centre. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area and hopefully help you find something more accessible for you.

Another option in times of crisis in the Suicide Call Back Service, who you can contact on 1300 659 467

Warmest Regards,
 

[james1]

Hello Dr.OBS,

Welcome! It's nice to meet you.

I'm really sorry to hear that you lost your best friend - I can't imagine how painful that must be, and it sounds like it's really affected you.

As Sophie_M mentioned, BeyondBlue have a telephone service which might be good to contact and talk through some options. Otherwise, I'd also suggest reaching out to a bulk billing GP if you have one around you, as they can also give you some thoughts and options.

Otherwise, have you spoken to any of your friends or even family about your anxiety? In my own experience, I found it much easier to manage my anxiety if I felt I was able to tell people - especially the people my anxiety was about.

James

[Dr_OBS]

Hello James. It’s nice to meet you too. Thank you so much for your response. My bestie’s boyfriend and I have been leaning on each other for support. All these days he leant on me and today he came over, and I cried all over him. I miss her, I also broke down about the fact that I have this death anxiety regarding my family. Other than that I speak to my boyfriend about it a lot, and he’s been incredible too, but he’s overseas so he isn’t physically there to talk and stuff. My best friend and I became doctors at the same time and now I’m starting my internship year without her. People keep saying I have to be a good enough doctor for the both of us. But the truth is, she would’ve been better than me by light years. I’m still gonna try my best to make her proud though. I will try the call service because I don’t think things will get better without help. I don’t want my patients to suffer because my anxiety and depression have taken over.

thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart for replying to me.

[geoff]

Hello Dr.OBS, and a warm welcome to the site and deeply sorry for the loss of your best friend, this seems to open more doors than you're able to choose from and only compounds on your situation.

Can I first say that you are able to get 10 Medicare paid sessions with a psych per year if you ask your doctor about 'the mental health plan', the other issue is the thought of death, something most of us fear and by becoming a doctor still doesn't avoid this feeling, we are still human beings.

If I can also ask you to search for 'intrusive thoughts' either in the above search bar or in your browser, which can be related to anxiety, something which I've struggled with over the years fortunately now they haven't stopped but they don't worry me anymore.

Your best friend may have been better in some areas but I'm sure you could reciprocate other ways, but hold her tightly next to you, she will support you as much as you allow her to, but please get back to us when you're available.

Geoff.

[Dr_OBS]

Hey Geoff

Thank you for the lovely words. I will give it a go, calling the helpline. I wasn’t able to get a psych referral because I usually see my GP with my mum and I don’t want her to know about it. It’s complicated. My mums lovely and supportive I just don’t think she would be okay if she knew how badly I had it. I will hold my best friend tight always, I feel like sometimes she is with me somehow. I miss her terribly. I hope there’s a light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

[geoff]

Hello Dr.OBS, thanks for getting back to us, it means a great deal to know that what we endeavour to do on the forums is working, one way or another.

Are you able to take your mum with you to the doctor, but just say to her that there is something personal you want to talk to them about, and that you will tell her after the appointment, whatever you say to her is up to you, a little white lie may not hurt at this time, although it could be along what's happening, but slightly not say what you don't want to.

I know your mum is lovely and supportive, but each one of us hides just a little from those we love, not necessarily intentionally, but we all have our little secrets.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Dr_OBS]

Hey Geoff

I’m gonna be going overseas today. I’m starting my medical internship overseas. I am excited, but I’m incredibly, deeply sad to leave my family behind. My sister is also off to med school interstate in a few days. The house will be almost empty, with just my parents and my other sister. And I suppose that also makes it very hard to leave. We are a very close bunch. And we’ve been deprived of a lot of time together due to academic commitments and the pandemic too. I’m not alone in that, so many families have had the same problem. I’m happy I’ve got this forum. It brings me some comfort to hear everyone’s advice. I’ve decided to set myself up with a therapist overseas so that I won’t go down a dark road, because I’ve been heading there a while and not gonna lie I took a few hundred steps in. I’m grateful so many people replied to me. I will stay active on the forums just to be safe.

Take care and be safe

Warm regards

dr obs

[james1]

Hello dr obs

Good luck with your internship! I'm glad to hear you are looking to get a therapist overseas - it sounds like that could be really helpful, especially since your family will still be here.

Have a safe flight, and feel free to check in with us.