Hello

[Robo]

Hi, my name is Rob, I'm 59. I have always been a happy guy that likes a bit of fun and humour to go with life. In the last few years I have been progressively feeling that things are not quite right for me. I am a horticulturalist by trade and have always loved my work ( a bit too much i think) I used to jump out of bed and could not wait to get to work for the day, but I do not remotely feel that way anymore. I was promoted to the manager of where i worked and loved the responsibility until we had a new headmaster come on board and then the harassment started for no reason other than he wanted his people there, I stuck with it and did my job but found no-one was by my side through this. I eventually left because i had no choice and i had had enough and that is when it all started for me, i could not look at emails, answer the phone and everything was a struggle, i tried talking to my wife about it but she did not understand which did not help me at all, I carried on with life and could not get a job that gave me a sense of worth. We nearly lost our house and everything we worked for, I even felt isolated from my family and at the time my dad was dying of cancer which made things a whole lot worse, we packed up and moved state to where the wifes family lived and we started again. I got a job back in Horticulture and was hoping i was on the rebound but that didn't quite go as i planned I was only looking forward, i was finding myself being overlooked at work for promotions that i should have been given, i was overlooked many times and the promotions went to friends of management so i found another job in local government to which i am still employed. I have retrained into administration and safety and am now a safety officer in local government but I am now starting to find the haters again (they surface every time you better yourself) and I am now struggling again, i always now have a sense or worthlessness and and feel i have no purpose on a daily basis and lack confidence in everything i do, i find it hard to get motivated at all and i just can't see any point in doing anything. It is a constant struggle to stay afloat with this and it is making me tired, in the beginning of this post i said i use humour a lot in my life I just wonder if this is a defence mechanism for coping. I do drink a little alcohol and smoke a bit, i like it, it relaxes me but find i can not control it like i used to. I an of to the dr's next month and will chat to him.

Rob

[indigo22]

Hi Rob,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

Sometimes when we are in a low mood, it is hard to see the wood for the trees and everything seems difficult.

I'm sorry you are going through one of those patches, but I have to say, the problem is very clear to me from the outside looking in.

You were one of the lucky ones who followed your heart and did what lights you up. Horticulture was clearly what you were born to do which is why you couldn't wait to spend your day doing what you love.

The only thing that can change that for us in when we allow someone to deflate our sense of self worth which I believe is what happened with the new headmaster. We don't necessarily do this on a conscious level, but I imagine that you are a sensitive soul and the lack of respect you received had an impact on your psyche. You went from being totally satisfied with your work to totally dissatisfied with your situation, which took the joy out of your work. I think if you had departed sooner, you may have found something better was waiting for you. But as so often happens, we stay too long in the hope that things will change and miss out on other opportunities.

I am not at all surprised that you have been spiralling over the past few years. You have gone from doing something you love, working with nature, to something that is the opposite, which is not fulfilling your soul urge.

It is never too late to change things around though. What if you were to work towards running your own nursery? Or perhaps starting up an online nursery (there are a few examples of these you could look up)? Even running a plant business from your home if you have the ground space to do it? With a goal in mind that will take you back to what you love, you will have more motivation and your mind will have something constructive to focus on. If you were working for yourself, you would be free of the pressures of working for someone who is not aligned with your ideals.

I think it is great that you have an appointment lined up with your GP and I would highly suggest talking to them about a mental health plan to see a counsellor. We do not diagnose on the forum, but from my own experience with depression, I think this is the direction you are heading in and you just need some help to get on top of it.

Please let me know your thoughts, I would be happy to continue this conversation with you.

Take care,

indigo

[therising]

Hi Rob

While my husband's a firm believer in the idea 'No one loves their job', as I've said to him in the past 'You believe this because you've never met anyone who does (love their job)'. The job we love is the job we've been born to do. It, in some way, fits into our nature. So, the opposite of that is a job that's not natural for us and it's one we can typically feel. My heart goes out to you while you no longer feel the job you once loved, the one you absolutely thrived in.

For a sensitive person (someone who can sense easily), I've found humor is an absolute must. Without it, life can become incredibly stressful and even depressing at times. Was saying to a sensitive co-worker the other week 'It's amazing how a sense of humor can begin to turn things around a little. For example, if someone tells you 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', my response to that would be 'Hell yeah, I'm sensitive. How else do you think I can sense a dismissive a*****le?' 😅. Some people insist on spouting nothing but poop. Gone are the days where I'd sit and wonder 'What's wrong with me?', after someone told me to 'toughen up'. These days, I'm more so a gal who questions 'What am I sensing, how is it impacting me and how do I need to manage it?'. In other words, it's not about 'toughening up', it's about coming to our senses.

While I love aspects of psychology, biology, chemistry and all that kind of stuff that relates to how we tick, I also tend to look at things from a natural or soulful perspective. No doubt about it, some people are simply soul destroying and it sounds like you've met a few in your time. One of the biggest challenges in life would have to be 'How to manage soul destroying people?'. A handful of ways that I've found

1. With a sense of humor. Learning to channel our inner comedian pays off at times
2. With a sense of questioning or a sense of wonder, while wondering aloud at people occasionally. 'I can't help but wonder why you'd say such a thing. You have to tell me because, for the life of me, I just can't work it out'
3. Finding other sensitive people who can sense like you. With such people in our life, we're left with no doubt when they say 'Oh, definitely, that person definitely feels soul destroying and mentally disturbing. It's not all in your imagination'
4. A masterful level of emotional detachment. Mind you, I am no master at this, far from it. Still an apprentice, in the making. From pure feeling through to pure analysis, sliding from one extreme to the other on that scale offers certain abilities. For example, we could think 'I can feel you being enraging. Now that I've felt your nature or gained a sense of it, I'm going to emotionally switch off as I slide to the other extreme. Now, from a purely analytical perspective, how am I going to manage you and your enraging nature?'. Through pure observation, we may observe this person can't be reasoned with. They're simply unreasonable. Learning to only state the facts, without offering reason, can be a self esteem booster at times. 'You understand you're a micro manager, right? And you understand, you're making this way of managing my problem, right?'. While that person may insist 'No, I'm not', with all confidence we can think or say 'Oh hell yeah, you are, I can feel it and the challenges that come with it'

Next level sensitive, can involve having to learn to read people and their thoughts, read situations accurately, read emotions (including our own and other people's emotions) and a number of other things. Being an ex emotional drinker, who used to rely on alcohol for a sense of emotional regulation, I found learning to better understand the really tough emotions and what they're about can involve managing the rawness that can come with them. With such rawness, things can hurt a lot more. Without alcohol, they can feel much sharper. While I'm not a fan of such emotions, they can be incredibly telling. Btw, I can't help but wonder whether you can sense anyone raising you, really raising you (your spirits and sense of awareness) to the point where you can feel it. Sometimes a depressing lack can be part of what we face.

[Robo]

Hi Indigo,

Thank you for such a thoughtful and kind response. It really hit me deeply—and in a good way. You saw something in my story that I hadn’t clearly seen myself, especially around how much that job shift affected my sense of self-worth. You're right, I didn’t leave soon enough, and I’ve carried the weight of that experience with me ever since.

I do feel like I’ve been slowly losing pieces of myself—drifting from what I loved, what made me jump out of bed in the morning. Your suggestion about returning to my roots through running a nursery or starting a plant business really struck a chord. In fact, I’ve actually been quietly working on a project, I am also wh&s qualified and am have been quietly building a safety system business called Riverina Safety Systems. It’s early stages, but the idea of growing something from the soul up—is giving me a glimmer of hope I haven't felt in a while. I think it might be my path back to feeling whole again. I was going to apply for the Parks Manager role at council that has come up but I would be dealing with a culture I didn't build and problems I didn't create so that is off the cards for me.

But it's been a tough week. I lost my mum just a few days ago. On top of the grief, my brother hasn’t included me in the funeral plans or any of the formalities. I wasn’t even told when her funeral is. That’s left me hurt and confused—like I’m invisible in my own family. It's hard to process grief when you’re shut out of the very moments that help us say goodbye.

Your words reminded me that I’m not broken—I’m bruised, maybe burnt out—but not finished. I’m still here. And I’m trying to find that place where I feel like me again. Talking to the GP next month is my next step. I’ll definitely ask about a mental health plan and getting some help to talk this through properly.

I really appreciate your time, your encouragement, and your honesty. It means more than you probably know.

Take care,
Rob

[Robo]

Hi therising,

Thanks so much for your reply—it was like talking to someone who actually “gets it.” Your words had both clarity and comfort. You’re right: the job I loved wasn’t just a job—it was wired into me. Being outdoors, working with the living, watching something grow from scratch—that gave me meaning. And when that was taken, or slowly eroded by people who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) see value in me, it didn’t just knock my confidence, it chipped away at the core of who I was.

You nailed it with the idea of “coming to our senses.” I used to think I was too sensitive or weak, but now I’m beginning to realise it’s more about being tuned in. I’ve sensed soul-destroying people before, I just didn’t have the tools or the confidence to call it out or protect myself. Your example of flipping the script—from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what am I sensing, and how do I manage it?”—is powerful. I’ll be holding onto that one.

I’ve also used humour as armour for years. Most people see the jokes, but they don’t see the battles behind them. The drinking and smoking are, like you said, probably old tools for emotional regulation that don’t work so well anymore. They’ve been numbing the sharp edges, but they’re dulling the good stuff too.

I’m going through a tough moment right now—my mum passed away last week and my brother hasn’t included me in any of the funeral arrangements. That grief, mixed with the feeling of being excluded from saying goodbye, is a heavy load. I keep telling myself it’s not personal, but it feels personal, and that’s hard to shake.

What’s helping me right now is slowly working toward something that feels like “me” again. I’ve been building the bones of a little enterprise—I am WH&S qualified and am creating an enterprise called Riverina Safety Sytems where I can help sme and start ups—and even though it’s small, it’s giving me something I lost: hope. Your message reminded me to keep pushing forward, even in small ways. Even when I feel raw or tired. Especially then.

Thanks again for your honesty, humour, and strength. It was a gift.

Take care,
Rob

[indigo22]

Hi Rob,

I am glad to hear you are beginning to see yourself more clearly, you are definitely not broken.

I am so sorry for your loss and about the way you are being treated by your brother, unfortunately, there is one in every family. I had all sorts of problems with my sister over my parents estate, although it came as no surprise as she has always been a narcissist and was just letting everyone see her true colours. I suspect that your brother may have some control issues, which is why you are being left out of the process. You have every right to be involved in the arrangements, this is your mother too. You may just need to be a bit more forthright in your approach with your brother and make him understand that what he is dong is not right and unfair to you.

I am glad to hear you are working on a project, that is always a good way to refocus your thoughts onto something more positive. I hope you do get back to your roots and find yourself jumping out of bed in the morning again, looking forward to doing what you love. We should all be doing what we love, that's what makes life worth living.

We will be here anytime you feel like talking.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo