Hello

[Beytala]

Hello, my brother died nov2016 he had a massive aneurism and was on life support, l had not seen him for a few months and the last time l did we were arguing and l asked him to leave our home Dean and l would always fight but l knew he loved me as he knew l loved him, when we argued we wouldn’t talk for months, l was told that the Sat am they had been to the market and brought some plants, when he got home he didn’t feel well and said he was going to have a sleep and never woke up again, the lady where he was thought that it was strange that he wasn’t up in the morning as he would always make a cup of tea, she left him in a chair and and didn’t check on him when she finally did (Sunday am) he wouldn’t wake up, eventually she rang a ambulance, the police rang me 11 pmSunday it had taken them all day to find me as all she told them was that he had a sister in melb, to this day l don’t know why she didn’t give them my phone no if she had of l could have been there the day before, l got to Brisbane at 8 the next morning and stayed with him they told me that l had to turn off the machines that were keeping his heart beating, l waited and hoped that he would slip away on his own as the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth, and then it dawned on me that he would hate to be in a hospital and kept alive by a machine, he hated institutions, at that moment l knew that l had to let him go, it was the hardest thing that l have ever done, he died at 11.25 that night l was holding his hand. Everyone tells me that it gets easier, they all lie because it hasn’t it gets worse, every time l think of him l cry my heart is broken and l don’t know how to make it stop our father hasn’t spoken to me since l told him and when l went to see our mother she told me to get back in my car and leave, and then 4 days after the 1st anniversary of his death my 17 yo son was rushed to hospital and we nearly lost him, we found out that he has leukaemia, l am so angry and l take it all out on my husband, l am angry at him for not coming with me to Brisbane when my brother died, he let me go alone. I try not to but it just comes out. I miss my big brother so much and it hurts so much. Always & Forever

[startingnew]

hello and welcome

well done for sharing your story, things are sounding so tough for you! grief is very tricky and has many stages. it does take time to heal (there is no time limit) but you shouldnt have to go through this yourself.

Have you thought about speaking to your gp and/or a psychologist so they can help you process things better and learn new healthy ways to cope? some extra supports wouldnt go astray esp if your not feeling supported by your loved ones

[Croix]

Dear Beytala~

Sometimes life forces us into circumstances no human being should have to be in. Dealing with your brother's situation was a soul-destroying predicament, and even if you are sure you acted as he would have wished it does not really help. I can understand as I had a similar situation with my first partner, there is no right answer, no way to make it feel right.

People say it gets better, which is about all anyone can say, and surprisingly for me that has come true. Then again I've been in a different world from you, with no parents taking out their grief in blaming you. Plus I've married again.

The first thing to change for me was I was no longer completely locked into thinking of the hospital and the end and my loss. I found other memories started to surface and while sad were not bad ones. Now very many years later it is OK.

I'm very sorry about your son, it is so young to have such a thing. I do hope he is OK.

You make it sound as if your husband nears the brunt of your anguish. Do you think he deserves it? True, not going with you does seem a great mistake, are there no redeeming circumstances?

Croix