Hello, thinking it's time to share...

[Nature83]

Hello all, I have joined the community because I think it's important for me to share my story. Why, because often I think that to feel depressed and anxious we must have experienced one significant turning point in our lives such as death, loss of job, separation etc. Well, I don't think this is the case with me, I'm someone who is experiencing all of this because of the day to day pressures that we are often faced with in today's society. I'm not sure where to start, so here we go. I think anxiety and depression is something I have probably dealt with for longer than I have been diagnosed (diagnosed about 5 years ago). At the time of diagnosis I felt ashamed and embarrassed because of the social stigma that is sometimes attached to anxiety and depression. I questioned why me, what have I done to deserve this? I am a good person with a big heart that cares a whole lot about the wellbeing of others. Since diagnosis I have naturally tried to find the answers to some of my questions around why me? Through the help of a psychologist and through my own drive to reflect on why, I came to the understanding that as a child I was always shy and lacked confidence in myself, would never speak up because of fear and rejection and always avoided conflict with others. Moving through my teens and early adulthood I avoided social situations, they made me feel uncomfortable because I felt as though I was unable to contribute to discussions and had nothing worthy of sharing. Moving into my mid 20's I graduated from university and achieved a Bachelors degree. It was when I started working in my chosen profession that everything came crashing down. The work pressure was getting the better of me as I started to think that I wasn't capable of completing the relevant tasks. After many tears and discussions with my very supportive boyfriend he said I think that you need to go and see someone. I ended up taking his advice booked into my GP and had my BF I decided to do something about how I was feeling and ended up really started to experience depression and anxiety. The pressures of work, work and more work left me feeling like all I did was work, because I started neglecting all of the other things in my life, such as my loving family, friends and boyfriend, exercise, sewing, shopping, going for coffee etc.

[White_Rose]

Dear Nature

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm pleased to meet you and pleased that you found your way here. You will find a number of people here who will relate to your story.

You have obviously thought a great deal about the impact of depression and anxiety as it applies to you and to other people. Your insights are invaluable. Thank you for sharing.

I think you are right when you say depression is not necessarily the result of past trauma. By the way, I will just write depression without adding anxiety as it allows me more characters to write. According to mental health experts there is a gene which makes a person more likely to be an emotional empath or sensitive to others. This sensitivity may lead to depression because these folk absorb, so to speak the emotions of others. Bit of a catch 22.

Now it's quite likely I have totally messed up the explanation, but there is evidence that those people with this the sensitivity gene are more at risk of depression. A bit like those with the gene that predisposes them to breast cancer. Not guaranteed you will have breast cancer but more likely than others.

You have described your childhood being a shy child and avoiding social situations. I wonder if this is also because being in crowds for too long makes you feel uncomfortable and wanting to escape to your own home. You are a good person who cares about others, another indication of sensitivity. You may find it productive to search on Jeffrey Young, psychologist, and his book on Schema Therapy. Also try 'being sensitive' or 'sensitivity'. It's really interesting. I think someone called Elaine Aron has written on this subject but I don't know anything about her.

I recently came across 'emotional sensitivity' which I found interesting, "empathic temperament" is another phrase. Not sure what it all means but it is apparently about being sensitive and is beginning to intrigue me.

Your comments about stigma are so true. This is one of the biggest barriers to people asking for help, the fear of being seen as unstable etc. Of course we know it's not true, we are as sane as everyone else, possibly more so. As you say, work pressures can be overwhelming and also lead to depression. And when work becomes the reason for getting up in the morning, you can almost yourself becoming depressed.

I hope you will continue to write in and share your story with others as well as offer support. I find it helpful for me to to swop stories and experiences.

Mary

[Wednesday]

Hello Nature,

Firstly and most importantly of course you are a good person and you have nothing to be ashamed about. A mental health illness isn't so different to any other illness and it's not something you ask for? It's great that you are getting some help. Did you and your GP consider any meds to help out?

If you look at the stats there is a lot of people with depression and /or anxiety. Yet we still don't really understand how it works. I was just reading a briefing from Business Insider Australia, called This new study is a sign of just how far we have to go to understand mental illness, I'll just quote a para from it:

Mental illnesses seem to be distributed, emergent properties of the brain — our most complex organ which we’re only beginning to map and understand. We can describe them in terms of symptoms or recurrent underlying thought patterns described by patients, but we’re years from a thorough, mechanistic understanding of most of these diseases.

There are a lot of theories but as every student would know the more theories the less we really know.

You wrote:

The pressures of work, work and more work left me feeling like all I did was work, because I started neglecting all of the other things in my life, such as my loving family, friends and boyfriend, exercise, sewing, shopping, going for coffee etc.

Can I ask where are you up to with this now? T

Have you looked around the site at all, you may find some interesting info? Dr Kim you can locate from the home page and wrote (14/9):

... but neurobiological research shows that “neutrons that fire together , wire together”. What that means is that the more you think and behave in a certain way, the more automatic that becomes for your brain. Your challenge is to change the “automatic response” from “I feel sick and anxious and this doesn’t help so I’m going to stay home" ( and picture the “terrorists “ in your brain celebrating the victory as they succeeded in getting you to think the way THEY wanted !!) I know this is hard , but I’m going to survive the temporary discomfort and do this” ( and picture your healthy brain celebrating its victory over the terrorists!!) .

I hope you don't mind the quotes! Even normal (?) people will have to battle the terrorist from time to time. Time to prioritise you as a whole person rather than an illness. How do feel about starting to rebuild some of those useful neutrons? A coffee catchup with a friend maybe, (every baby step counts)?

Ava

[Nature83]

Hi Mary, thanks so much for your response. It's so lovely to correspond with others that understand how I am feeling. I have often wondered if it has been proven by experts in the field if sensitive people are more likely to experience depression. I guess it does make sense and I agree that if you are someone that is sensitive that you take on others emotions. I know that I am someone that observes the actions and emotions of others and often can relate and understand others. As a result of this I do find that I can become quite emotional, quite easily because there's very little I miss. If you can somewhat relate to this, are there any helpful strategies that you have learnt to manage your emotions?

Thank you for your recommendations on Jeffery Young and Elaine Eron, I will do some research and start reading when I can get my hands on these resources 😀. Because I can personally relate to emotional sensitivity, I think it's also an area I want to learn more about.

At times I do feel unstable but I am also aware of why and that's because like I said before I notice things that often others would not. It's unfortunate that there is a stigma around mental health, ( being sensitive is more than likely in my genes) but the more people speak out the more awareness there will be.

Thanks again for your insights and encouraging me to write, I actually find it quite therapeutic. I hope you are well, take care 😀

Nature83

[Cornstarch]

You sound like you have a very "porous nervous system".

I do too.

It sucks at times, but you have to honour it, and express it somehow, or you'll get sick.

That does't mean you have to go public, or share one-on-one, and be forced into disclosure.

But even if it's only in the privacy of your own home you should let it out somehow.

In other cultures this would be viewed as a gift.

In Western, rational, left brain culture it is seen as weakness.

I'm trying to embrace my porous nervous system as best I can. I get jealous of rationalists because they are so high functioning and achieve easily , but maybe I am in my own quiet way too.

Just because I don't receive an award for my quiet survivorship it is still something............Good Luck

[Nature83]

Hi Ava,

Yes, your right nobody asks to be challenged by mental health. I have found that it is something that has crept up on me overtime and most likely during a time that I have been 'truly getting to know myself and who I am'.

It is something that I speak to my GP about, who is very supportive and understanding. As for medication, I am on medication, an anti depressant. I have now been taking it for just over two years, I do believe that it helps me because without it my emotions can be quite erratic. The medication is useful as it allows me to stabilize these emotions a little more than without. In addition to this I am also beginning to learn what triggers my depressive state. I have come to learn that I don't like cold weather, short days, being over worked and not having the time to exercise. Do you find that you have particular triggers that you have identified? If so, what strategies do you use to eleviate them?

Thanks for your quote from Business Insider Australia, the brain is certainly an area of study that needs to be explored further. Like you said there is evidence to suggest that we can understand the signs and symptoms of depression but we're far from understanding the mechanics of why these signs and symptoms occur.

As for where I'm at, at the moment, my days are improving although for the time being one of my biggest triggers, work has been removed due to taking some time off. As a result, I have found some time for myself and have been able to focus my attention on doing a few things that I enjoy. I do head back to work soon and I am hoping that I can maintain a few positives whilst also working. Staying positive is important at the moment, I am determined to conquer the terrorists 😀.

Thanks for your final words of advice, the people around me often tell me to consider my whole person and life, not just one aspect. I know that when I can consistently focus on this

I have had a little look around the site but still need to further explore. I will read up on what Dr Kim has to say, hopefully it will help. Thanks for your final words of advice, the people around me often tell me to consider my whole person and life, not just one aspect. I know that when I can consistently focus on this I will be putting my best foot forward to building the useful neurons in my brain and heading out for a coffee with a friend.

Thanks again for your words of advice, I hope that this message finds you well.

Nature83

[Wednesday]

Hi Nature,

Sorry for the delay. I've been in and out of hospital with pneumonia and other stuff. Running bit high on steroids! I can't write now but will get back to you again soon.

You will find a ay to manage this, baby steps will get you there.

Ava

[Wandercharm]

Hi people,

I'm new here too. It is certainly a balancing act to deal with health issues, isn't it?

Nature83, I don't like cold weather, short days, being overworked and under-exercised either. There is lots I can put up with for a short period if necessary, but I'm going with the strategy at present that finding a good workable balance is the key. For me having a plan, or a list, or a diagram of my intentions for the week helps remind me why each piece is important. Do you have a plan for when you return to work? I hope it will be a successful transition.

Mary, it was bolstering to read your thoughts on sensitivity, as I have been using the word sensitive to combat my negative self-talk frequently of late. It has much more positive and useful connotations than the word "broken". Hopefully, Ava, if “neutrons that fire together , wire together” then I will be rewarded by continuing this habit. 🙂 Also, Nature83, "because there's very little I miss" is a good reminder of one of the benefits I had again forgotten. Thanks for reminding me to doubt myself a little less.

Hey Cornstarch, I'm with you on "I'm trying to embrace my porous nervous system as best I can. I get jealous of rationalists because they are so high functioning and achieve easily , but maybe I am in my own quiet way too." Hopefully it's us quiet ones the world should watch out for. 😉

Wandercharm.

[Wednesday]

Hello all,

I don't know if it is the meds I take for depression that makes it easier for me than you guys but I certainly don't envy your anxiety. Though I do get the odd panic attack, mostly more of a PTSD sort though.

You are all so amazing the effort you put into getting through each day, hugs (only if you are comfortable with hugs that is) for all of you. While we still have so much to understand about our brain you still hang in there, bless your cotton socks.

[Wednesday]

Hello again Nature,

You are one of life's gems and don't you forget it!

You said I have come to learn that I don't like cold weather, short days, being over worked and not having the time to exercise. All of these seem to be very rationale, but valuable for you to know that they push your buttons. The anxious part of us often causes us to doubt ourselves just because it can not because we are being irrational. Hope fully that is an area we can strengthen our neural pathways by fighting back and saying (shouting) long work hours are stressful and I'm not doing them anymore. Of course that is easy for me to say and I don't know your work situation etc.

You asked me about my triggers. Depression is my demon and has been probably most of my life. Any hint of rejection or a raised voice can send me into the deepest depths of despair. Of course I may be over reacting but those dam old monster neural pathways will win out.

What I have learnt, I hope you don't mind a little thread crashing, is that you really do only have this moment in time. I have chronic illness, which has narrowed my life down enormously. The things I planned to do when my children grew up and I had money to spend on me are now not easily possible.

The lunchtimes and late nights I worked for the various companies both public and private meant nothing when I became ill, just another replaceable employee. I could have walked around a garden had a coffee/glass of wine with a friend, seen a play. I could have taken a day off to go for a drive. So many thing I would have loved but I always put work before me.

My gorgeous babies are now full grown. I love them to bits, did my best, made mistakes. I have irreplaceable memories of going tad polling, making mud pies and going to free concerts. Now they are dispersed and have their own universes and priorities as they should. No regrets.

I've learnt those people in my life that suck the energy out of me I don't need. I've learnt to tell the precious people in my life that I love them every time I see or talk to them.

Life is far to short, you don't know what tomorrow will bring so enjoy this very moment.

I guess what I am saying is this is your life and down with terrorists! You will need to love yourself more than you ever have, see your loved friends, sew something pretty for summer, a walk in the park anyone?

It is so pretty outside today, I hope it is where you are.

Hugs, x