Hello! Not sure where to post...

[Argiope]

/waves

...I'm not sure how to word this, but I have a fairly specific issue I want to ask about and no idea which subforum to post it in.

The gist of it is that I have anxiety and depression, but I also have ADHD (combined type) and possibly Aspergers (it was brought up by the doctor I saw at a particularly low point of the depression but the other stuff was a more pressing concern).

Naturally these all exacerbate each other in plenty of ... fun... ways, one of which I am having zero luck dealing with on my own.

Without elaborating too much, I have trouble dealing with the mental fallout when I make mistakes; the RSD (rejection-sensitive dysphoria) from the ADHD makes it a) feel even worse and b)spontaneous, so I haven't been able to catch it before it starts.
Specifically I can't seem to get past the notion that mistakes are things I have to punish myself for, because otherwise why would they be counted as mistakes and hkgjhkfdhhkhgrrr-
So then every time that happens it drops me straight into a depressive spiral (which I can get out of with varying degrees of success) and heightens my anxiety, but that's best left for another post.

Thing is I don't really know where to ask about that, or even how to search for help with it; I've been able to find general help articles for the anxiety/depression/RSD parts seperately but I just can't move past that one block. I know this probably isn't even the right website to go to but I haven't had much luck finding help, and I can't afford to physically travel to seek help in person. (And I seem to be very bad at searching.)

This got really long, sorry...

[blondguy]

Hello Argiope

You are just fine here or under anxiety or depression....Here is fine as your thread will be just a visible

I understand the pain you are going through. I have had acute anxiety followed by depression since 1983 and it can be dark place to be in sometimes....Just like a rollercoaster ride...the ups & downs...

Ive had the same mega mental drop after making a mistake as well. This is where counselling is a huge help....I spent nearly 15 years trying to self heal and it didnt work (for me that is)

• See a psychologist or mental health carer...as frequently as you can (weekly or fortnightly is great)
• Even a good GP can be great to help us fine tune and find our 'balance'
• Mistakes mean you are human not a Pentium processor chip.
• Our re-action to mistakes is governed by our self esteem (or lack of it) and self worthiness.
• If your GP mentions meds..these are great when trying to rebuild our self esteem/self worth

Face to face counselling is the best and most effective way to find some peace of mind again. Its crucial

We can be here for you as many of us suffer similarly as you do. If you have any queries or even just need to chat you are more than welcome to post

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[Argiope]

Hi Paul! Thanks for replying!

I understand what you are saying about counselling, but perhaps I should have clarified that I meant "can't afford to travel" literally :V (Although the bus fares dropped just recently...hmm). I did try briefly via my university but they seem more concerned with whether one can finish one's study than anything else (it was still pretty good but I don't think we quite understood each other, and I've graduated so I can't try again).

As for dealing with mistakes, I've found the above does indeed help. But - possibly because of the RSD? - I tend to have an immediate, violent* reaction to realising I've screwed up. I can kind of deal with the bit after that, but the violent anger is getting to be a bit much. It comes back from time to time when I remember old mistakes too, but it's less intense.

Really glad to hear that counselling helps you so much! I know many people say the same thing but it's always a relief to hear it.

(late reply because Posting Is Scary ><)

*Not always physically violent, although that does happen, and entirely directed at myself. I can usually stop myself doing any damage, but that's happened before too (good thing I am a huge baby who avoids physical pain at all cost)