Hello I am new here

[mrob]

I wish to tell you about myself I am 58 years old and sadly single after 16 years of marriage as my ex decided that she wanted a life without me. I have also had three family members passing away in the last four years all with cancer and the most recent one year ago my younger brother.This was extremely hard as I spent every day for the last four weeks of his life by his bed and sadly was holding him as he took his last breath and passed. I had to organise his funeral and take care of everything. I feel guilty because I said to him about an hour prior to let go. I am hurting struggling and always crying because I don’t know what to do it is truly hard when you are by yourself. Thank you for reading every one

[Peppermintbach]

Hi mrob,

I’m deeply sorry for your multiple losses. For the loss of 3 family members & for your marriage...

I feel it must have been heartbreaking & devastating to lose your brother recently. Those feelings must still be so raw...

Also, when your ex walked away...that must have been so painful too...

I feel your sadness, grief & vast loneliness. You’ve had so much happen. Lost so much. Your pain is profound...

Thinking of you,

Pepper

[mrob]

Thank you for the beautiful reply and damn it’s so hard to stay positive and you know they say men don’t cry well I disagree. It’s definitely hard to deal with especially when I stood next to my brother holding him and telling him to let go even though I knew he would never wake up again I felt so bad I told him to stop living

It was so very tough as I was the only family in Brisbane and I had to organise his funeral and let the family know that he had left us and watching him being taken away it destroyed my soul

I know I have been through hell and that is why I decided to go to this place and hopefully try and get my life back on track and yes my marriage ended and wow being on my own I never realised how tough that was going to be

I am truly sorry for rambling on and from my heart and soul I thank you for reaching out to me that really means so very much

Thankyou 🌹

[smallwolf]

Hi mrob. welcome to beyond blue.

firstly it is ok to ramble here. If you are hurting and need to write down what you are feeling, this is good place to do it. Other people who read your posts will be able to understand what you are saying, and will also see how strong the relationships were.

Your feelings at the moment are natural. Nobody really knows how it should feel until experienced and each time is unique. Crying is OK as well. And with the end of your marriage as well... I know there are Mens Sheds in the Brisbane area. I wonder if, and perhaps not straight away if you don't want to, but giving them a call. It might give you an outlet, and a way of moving forward.

If you want to chat some more,

Tim

[demonblaster]

Hi there mrob and everyone 👋

Welcome to the forums matey. Here's as you'd no doubt be aware from your lovely caring replies a great safe community that support eachother in hard times which you poor man certainly are going through.

For now I'm tagging your thread so I'll beee backkkk sometime soon

Laters ☺

[Peppermintbach]

Hi mrob,

You’re most welcome to write here any time. I think you’re very brave to talk about your emotions. Please don’t be sorry for unloading your emotions from you heart and soul. If anything, I think here is exactly the place to let out some of the feelings that we are struggle with...

Also, I think it’s absolutely okay for a man to cry. But I’m also aware that there’s sadly still a lot of societal pressure for men to hold in their feelings and act a certain way...even today in the 21st century. I think it’s absolutely okay for men to cry, to talk about their feelings and to say they are struggling.

I think it’s okay for you to feel however you need to feel. You’ve lost a loved one, you’re allowed to grieve and feel all the emotions that go along with it...you don’t have to pretend to be feeling okay.

It must have been such an intense and emotional experience to organise your brother’s funeral, and you had to do that all by yourself too...that must have been so very rough...

I feel your deep love for your brother. He was so lucky to have had you in his life...

Thinking of you...

Kindness and care,
Pepper

[demonblaster]

Hi Mrob and everyone 👋

You poor man what a rough time you've been having in the past few yrs.

I think loss of loved ones is the hardest pain we go through.
I'm very sorry hearing amongst so much else going on Mrob that you went through so much with your brother.
It's full on isn't it.

It takes time and how longs entirely for you in your own time to process.
So much fills the mind and so many emotions running on full steam.

Something I've noticed is sadly guilt seems to get many people when grieving.

I don't know why our minds need to make us feel bad and that we did wrong when so often is the case we've done the opposite like in your situation.
You looked after your brother in probably his greatest time of need in heartbreaking circumstances.

You poor guy there's so much to absorb and the grieving process often begins before the time of passing on.

Especially being your brother Mrob I honestly feel it's ok to say how you felt. You don't need that guilt on top of how you're feeling already.

Being alones a mighty ordeal to get used to isn't it.
I found Rob if that's ok to call you ☺ I grew a lot towards liking myself more because I only had myself for company. I guess survival kicks in when it's needed.
Although I saw friends often it was still very roar being alone but in time I became ok in my own company which I hold hope will be same for you

I'll never understand the mentality that men shouldn't cry. I mean I know what they're on about but it's a load of. I think it's great when a bloke shows his emotions. It's healthy and a needed release.

It's good you've come here it really is an amazing community of caring people.

See you later. You're not alone here and people understand ☺