Hello from me!

[E419]

Hi everyone,

I guess like all new things, we need to get started from somewhere. I was nervous and reluctant to even go to the Beyondblue website, let alone be posting something here.

Long story short, I believe that I was once a confident and driven person, overtime, I lost that (or at least I felt that I did). I have gotten married and had my first child all in the last 3 years so things should be looking up for me.

But yet, I find myself second guessing myself, always upset and worrying. And I find myself getting angry at myself a lot.

Until one day, I had a conversation with my wife. She was upset and so was I. It was then and there, I promised myself that I would be happy. I just didn’t know how. Which is why I decided to look into Beyondblue and came across these forums.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m determined to be happy and stop worrying, but don’t know how. And I wanted to share my experience with the hope that others can relate. Likewise, to read about others experiences in order give back where I can.

[Quercus]

Hello E419 and welcome to the forums.

Good on you for taking that first intimidating step 😊.

I found that the reality of having children was many significant changes! A family to support. A little human utterly dependant on you. Juggling finances but wanting to also be home to see bub. The changes are massive! Feeling lost and worried and a lack of confidence in yourself anymore... It is a feeling many people (me included) relate to.

But it gets easier. And you're doing to best thing for you and your family by asking for help.

Have you had a chance to look at the checklist tests for anxiety and depression on the BB website? It might be good to start with those so you have an idea of what you're managing. You can also print the results and take them to your GP (book a long appointment) as a starting point for the conversation for support options in your area.

In the meantime there are a few things worth thinking about for yourself (and your wife if she wants to try too)...

• Try download a few mindfulness apps. Or a guided meditation. You could play one for the both of you (or even with bub... My daughter likes them when she is tired).
• Exercised lately? Take a picnic dinner and go for a swim. Music in headphones on a treadmill. Hit the gym. Go for a walk as a family. The best thing is to try find something you can distract yourself with when you are most anxious.
• Examine your support network. When is the last time you two went out alone? Does your wife have friends and family who support her or is that your role as well as working? When is the last time you had time for a hobby? What about your wife? Just because you are now parents doesn't mean you don't have needs as people. Who can you ask for help?

I hope you keep making your health a priority. It is stressful being a responsible parent but you burn out if you neglect yourself.

Hope to hear more of your story. Please feel free to join in on any threads that interest you.

Nat

[geoff]

hello E419, we all want to be happy and have no worries but sometimes life puts up too many hurdles for us to jump over, so we have to take it slowly but it can be done.

Life for your wife as well as yourself will change once you have a baby.

Your routine will be different and so will the r/ship between you and your wife, because the baby comes first, but along the way you will see the baby develop into a child starting to grow and make you laugh, being proud parents, so slowly you begin to be happy, telling your mates what the child has just done, that makes you happy.

All your finances change to being a single income family, down from two, so there has to be somethings that can't continue but when you manage to be able to do something small, that makes you happy and then there are things that need to be dropped, well that could even make you happy, simply because you never wanted it to happen, so that may bring a smile to your face.

Communicating between the two of you needs to be open and when there are times your wife is upset then go to her with somes chocolates and then vice-versa, a happy family will make you yourself happy. Geoff.