Hello, First post here.

[SUMWON]

Hello,

I am a 45 year old male, never spoken with anyone about this before but i have gotten to a point where i just can't hold it in anymore and need some help. I have had depression since being in high school. I never found it easy to make friends when i was young, now if i try to make friends i always seem to try and find a way to kind of push them out of my life.

I have had the rare occasions where i have contemplated suicide just to get that easy out, but could never bring myself to hurt the ones who love me.

Just sick of feeling so worthless and defeated. Sick of taking one step forward and getting pushed two steps back. Sick of constant restless nights with no sleep. Sick of the crying and trying to hide it from people so they don't ask questions.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Members here including us community champions use our lived knowledge to pass on our experiences to guide people like you that need advice. So in this case it is a "been there done that" experience, so I hope I can help out.

I'm 69yo. A few years ago I was really low and ended up walking into our local community health centre. Distraught I took about 90 minutes to settle down. So if you feel the same please do the same or ring lifeline or the number below. 

The loneliness us depressants feel is debilitating and its often the case that although all alone with our deepest thoughts and distress, we want support but not the human factor that comes with it. That day I mentioned is a good example because the lady, an admin assistant didnt talk, she just held my hand until my wife arrived. Perfect!

This isnt the first time, I've had bipolar and other issues all my life so what I must remind myself during those periods is that I'm lacking logic and I have excessive emotions. I made it my task that if I fall in a heap I would think logically only in one area- getting help and each time it has been a success. 

I have a relative that I suggested she buy a dog. It's amazing how doing that has improved her life. Perhaps there is changes worth considering and I've got one link below on how to think radically if you fall down too far. 

You dont mention if you take medication or have ongoing therapy and the like, obviously I'm going to recommend it. Without it, it is much easier to fall across the boundaries of safe actions into the unsafe and thats the value of them. It wont do much else but prevention is better than cure.

I've got a few links below that could help how to cope better.

 https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical/td-p/47...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/crying-a-gauge-to-our-mental-strength/td-p/214763

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[SUMWON]

Hello TonyWK,

Thank you for your reply, I am not on any medication and have not had any therapy. My first post was the only time i have opened up and expressed myself.

I would also like to thank you for the links, hopefully this will give me a better insight on how to manage and control my depression.

[white knight]

No worries.

It is well known within mental health circles that to confront most mental illnesses effectively is to utilise all strategies. Medication, diet, therapy, even youtube videos, environment, employment, family and other relationships. In reality you could use all but one of these and you still wont have the desired effect on improving your situation with depression. 

So you might feel reluctant but even dabbling into some of those could prove worthwhile. I've know some people with depression that tried everything then they changed companies they worked for and improved immediately, or went into FIFO mining jobs and had the same effect especially when extra income overcomes financial constraints. 

So many sufferers are unaware of the rut they get themselves into that is contributing towards their illness. This is where therapy becomes crucial as a trained person can spot the issues face to face in their interviews.

I dont want to come across as pushy however, ultimately the choices are yours but the lived experience with depression and anxiety over 35 years is rammed home every time my depression does its circle and returns but it no longer returns with the ferocity it used to due to those steps mentioned.

I hope you're feeling better. Feedback on the links would be beneficial to me. 

TonyWK