Hello Everyone

[Twineleven]

Hello Everyone!

I joined up onto the forums about 2 weeks ago, as soon I was confirmed I closed the website and avoided it until now. I pondered why I did this, obviously in the act of signing up, I want to in some way get help for the way I feel, read other peoples experiences and perhaps make some friends with people who actually understand what I'm going through, yet anxiety still has a ridiculous hold on me. I've concluded that just the act of writing the first post stresses me out so badly I didn't even have the motivation to do it. I'm sure a lot of you feel similar to me on this...having anxiety and depression is EXHAUSTING and even asking for help is tiring, having the motivation to say "I'm not okay," is at times impossible.

I would say I'm pretty impressed with myself for finally sitting down and writing an introduction, so I'll keep it nice and short and hopefully build up more momentum to write more in the future.

My name is Alex, I'm 25 years old and an identical twin (which I add because it has a huge significance to my identity). I'm a long time anxiety and depression sufferer with a history of abuse. I live in the country on a large property surrounded by forest, I'm a huge animal lover, I enjoy reading, gaming and swimming. When I am in a positive mood I also enjoy writing. (Right this moment, writing this is excruciating though).

Thank you for having me on here and I look forward to getting involved.

xo

Alex

[ro63]

Hi Alex , and welcome yes it is exhausting talking about how we feel ,but it is important to do so and helps to get things off your chest ,and there are many people here that can totally relate to how you are feeling ,I have had depression for many years and it is back with avengence at the moment it comes in waves I am actually seeing a counsellor later tonight and am dreading having to go through the whole story over again but I need to do this and hope he is someone I can click with ,so glad you got your first post off and I hope it has releived some pressure for you and you should be impressed with yourself it takes a lot of courage to start the conversation and you have it good on you alex ,All the Best Regards Ross.

[MarkJT]

Welcome Alex, great to have you here and even better that you have posted after signing up a couple of weeks back. The forums are a very safe and supportive place and filled with people with lived mental health condition experiences.

For your first post it really says a lot about you and there will be so many others that will read your story and get so much out of it. You are helping so many people just by being here so awesome stuff.

Please feel free to post wherever you want to, ask questions, seek advice, give advice....what ever.

Mark.

[geoff]

hello Alex, welcome to the site and thanks for posting your comment, which I know must have been so difficult for you to do, but all first posters feel exactly the same as you, and I was no different a long time back.
You write down what you feel you need to say, but then you fiddle around with your wording, delete something that is very important, but too embarrassed to post it, in fear of any criticism you may get back, but that doesn't happen here, and by the way I'm also a twin.
What you have said to us may have been difficult for you to do so, we all feel like that, until we are able to start talking with people who are no different than how you feel, that's important because it makes you realise that there are actually plenty of others in the same position as you.
It's terrific that you are here, and whether you want to respond to other comments or whether you feel comfortable and tell us about your own anxiety and depression, but I'm concerned about the abuse you had to go through.
This maybe a bit scary for you to open up, we appreciate that, but maybe you could begin by talking about any peripheral issues that may help you edge into it. Geoff.

[Twineleven]

ro63: You sound similar to me in a lot of regards, I also cycle in and out of depression and anxiety. The funniest thing about my condition is when I'm in an up cycle I'm quite high-functioning. Since diving into this downward patch (which had triggers, but I might post about it in another thread cause its a long story), I had a meltdown at work. One of my colleagues was so shocked, she sat there and told me I was one of the 'nicest, bubbliest, happiest girl' she had ever met. I was so confused, I think what people see on the outside is very far from what I am inside. I don't open up and I act 'happy.' I think in a way this stops me from getting help until I fall really deep. I wonder if you get the same experience with cycling in and out of the depression? I hope the counseling session went well... I think telling the story can be therapeutic but equally draining.

MarkJT: ​Thank you for the lovely message, I will really try to stick at it. Not only to get help but to equally connect to a group of people online. I don't talk about this kind of stuff to my friends in real life, if anything I'll just cut off for a few weeks until I feel better. It's unhealthy.... so this is all in all good for me.

geoff: You're a twin? Fraternal or Identical? Are you close with your twin? I'm really interested to see the perspective of other twins. One of the reasons I have been very down recently is connected with my Twin. She had a baby 8 weeks ago. I was with her during the delivery. It was a hard birth and a close call, after giving birth my twin bled out and wouldn't stop bleeding, she lost 2 liters of blood​ and had to go into theater. I do not have a lot of family, my twin and I inherited our house from our Dad who passed away from cancer two years ago. Almost losing her has deeply effected me, it's also effected her. We both have post-trauma over it. Both of us have fallen into deep depression. My twin got put in a mother and child psychiatric ward yesterday to help manage her post natal depression. I'm so sick with worry about her I couldn't go to work myself.

[ro63]

Hi twin11, yes I do kind of cycle in and out but the problem for me is it comes out of the blue ,it's hard to prepare for it when you don't see it comming ,met a councellor last night he seems ok and caring so i will see how it goes ,telling the story over and over does get very drainning and it takes a while to click with a new therapist ,but it is what it is so i will go with it and hold on for the ride ,All my best Ross.

[geoff]

hello Twin11, we are fraternal and have always been very close, thankfully he hasn't been through anything that I have, and that pleases me so much.
He would drop everything if I asked him for help and has been there when I have been in every diabolical situation, at the moment he's o/s but would return home straight away if anything happened, just as I would for him.
There have been several occasions he has always been there for me, and if anything did happen my wife (ex) would ring him before anyone else.
When we pretend to be happy and feeling well, it's easy for people to see the outside of you that is far from different from how you actually are on the inside. Geoff.