Hello, and not sure where to start...

[Slam]

Hi,

Sort of feeling my way around a bit at the moment trying to work out if this is the right path for me or not. Always been a bit of a "stress head" I worry too much over minor things and what people think of me, try to keep everyone happy and avoid any sort of confrontation .

As it turns out this has all been fairly obvious to those around me but there has been a total lack of self-awareness on my behalf until week after last I felt sick as a dog, Vomiting, headache, chest pain etc. Went to bed early, had a terrible night and in the morning when my wife asked if i was ok I burst into tears and told her "I just can't get my shit together".

Dr's appointment later and i found out that i have been having anxiety attacks. Finding this out has been both a blessing and a curse because now that i'm aware it almost feels like the floodgates have been opened and i'm noticing so many more personal issues (stresses)that I have been keeping bottled up. Good that I'm hopefully getting better at dealing with these things but its been somewhat embarrassing telling people about it.

One has been resigning as my son's under 12's football coach and leaving the club (longer story than I have characters to explain) which involved telling club officials and some of the parents that i'm close to why i quit. Telling my wife that one thing that was 'doing my head in' was that i constantly felt like i was always letting her down by not providing her with the things she dreams of took me almost two weeks to summon up the courage to do and ended up with both of us in tears. I have tightness in my chest now just typing this stuff.

There is a bunch of other things that I've confronted/exposed with the help of my GP, friends and family that in the cold light of day seem really minor and stupid but as a mate told me "even one piece of paper gets heavy when you add 100 of its friends to the pile"

So at the moment I'm sort of playing it by ear. As a rule i feel better but i have had a few dark moments so i'm contemplating whether i just see how i go for now or go and speak to someone professional. I'm entitled to 5 free sessions through my employer (my boss has been brilliant) but I'm not sure if I'm 'broken' enough to bother.

Thanks for letting me vent anyway.

[white knight]

Hi Slam, welcome

Your story is not uncommon here. What is unusual is that you are proactive about it and that gives the best chance for your loved ones to grasp at all the quirky symptoms. One you mentioned, resigning from a responsibility. When we find out we have a mental illness of any kind its time to reduce these things to make way for mind repair which might or might not result in a full recovery.

Most of us here know that its better to accept your state as lifelong and if it proves otherwise that's a bonus. So, having said that one is best to make permanent changes and be prepared to really think about new additions to your life to prevent stress. Acceptance is a problem because we think we are still capable in doing the activities we have always done, committees, extra work, pleasing our partners and all the while being a parent. So your opportunity to see a professional should always be taken up as a preventative measure.

Seeking help can come from many angles, peer support like here, medications, professional medical staff, changes in environment, goals, employment, occupation, hobbies etc all should be reassessed.

Here below are some threads pertaining to this topic. Google them and if you don't feel like reading much, just read the first post I've written.

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: know your limits- beyondblue

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself, the grog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Repost in those threads or here. I hope they help. All the best

TonyWK

[Slam]

Thanks Tony,

Looks like i have some reading to do 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Slam,

Welcome to the community here. You mentioned you can receive 5 free sessions for help through your employment.

My suggestion is to use them! Don't think of yourself as broken, just needing a little direction right now.

If your have a car and it is not running right, you generally take it to the garage/mechanic to have it looked at, to see if it needs some care and attention.

We humans sometimes need a bit of a tune up as well. Like Tony mentioned, you are being really proactive about understanding what is happening and working on changing/fixing things.

Venting helps me too! Hope you find your way around the forum okay and you feel welcome here.

Cheers from Dools

[Slam]

Hi Dools,

thanks for the reply it has helped. Booked in for my first counseling session next week.