Greetings...

[Duskfall]

Greetings to whomever might be reading this...

I'm Duskfall, I'm 24 years old and a very quiet person who is not very good at talking to others. I'm unemployed and have no friends or family to talk to about how I feel. I enjoy watching Anime, listening to Music and playing Video Games, I also enjoy poetry/song lyrics (I consider them the same thing), Astrology and aspects of Japanese Culture.

I'm not quite sure if I should write about how I feel here or if I should even be a part of these forums as I'm unsure if I suffer from depression or anxiety although I suspect that I do.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you enjoy the rest of your morning/day/night - Duskfall

[geoff]

hi Duskfall, welcome to the site and pleased that you have posted a letter.
There is nothing wrong with being quite, it may go against what people would rather prefer, but then people normally dislike people who are loud and very voicetress, so can there be a medium, well it depends on what circumstances you are in.
This is an anonymous site but all types of people ask different questions or their concerns and what is worrying them, so in other words it would be great to hear back from, because there is something that is troubling you, and the longer you keep 'bottling' all of this up, the worse it will get, so it would be to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Guest_322]

Hi Duskfall,

Welcome 😊

Hey, quiet is just as good as loud. I agree with Geoff that there are all sorts of people so we all fall on different parts of the quiet/loud (introversion/extroversion) spectrum- and that's perfectly okay.

Even if you haven't received a depression and/or anxiety diagnosis (I'm assuming that's the case judging from your feelings of uncertainty), the fact that you think you might have either/both is an indicator that something isn't quite right and that you're struggling with something. So I'm glad you're talking here on this forum. It's good to reach out.

I also enjoy music and find aspects of Japanese culture interesting too btw!

Dottie

[Guest_322]

Hi again,

Sorry, I forgot to add that I hear your loneliness loud and clear. Loneliness can hurt so much, and I know it's cliched but no one should have to go through their struggles alone. Again, kudos to you for reaching out- hopefully it helps you feel a little less alone.

Dottie

[TheSteve]

Hi Duskfall,

Thank you for sharing your story. As to whether you belong or not on these forums, everybody belongs. Whether you are here to share your story and nothing more, whether you are here for help, for company, for advice, for discussion, or to help others. This is a community made up of all types who are at different stages of life. We come together, we share experiences - you belong just fine!

As to whether you are depressed or not, well we can't diagnose you nor do we want to tell you something without all the facts. Even if you experience anxiety and/or depression, does not mean that you are "depressed" or "anxious" as a constant state. These can be temporary states for reasons that are likewise temporary. They could also be more recurring in nature, and thus you may have to sort some of your internal processes out to fully understand and get past them.

The fact that you are quiet and like to stick with yourself, great. Welcome to an outlet where you can share as much or as little as you want. No matter who we are or what we are made of, a support network is important - whether it be friends here at Beyondblue, family, friends at work/school, medical professionals, counselors, sport clubs etc. A support network is a really important piece of our lives, whether we are in full health or not.

Anyhow, welcome. Come back and chat, or share your experiences in other threads with people you can help. All are welcome.

Best,

Steve

[Duskfall]

Thanks for all your replies... I wasn't exactly expecting such kindness from people.

I honestly don't how to describe how I feel... all I know is that it's been progressively been getting worse. I guess I've been bottling up my feelings for a very long time and well I guess I'm finding it difficult to cope. I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling, every time I try I just cant think of the words. I finding less enjoyment out of the things I enjoy and in some cases they make me feel worse sometimes especially music, just hearing certain lyrics is enough to make cry and sometimes it just hurts to much to continue listening.

I feel as though everything I try is a complete waste of time... As though I'm designed to fail, a book that's been written and there's no way to change the outcome. I feel empty... as the days go by I feel more and more distant from my emotions. Music is really the only thing that brings those emotions back and when they return it hurts and when I recover I feel numb and hollow. I feel trapped as though I will remain like this forever, I want to walk out of this house and leave those I'm surrounded by behind and find a better life or way of living but I have no where else to go.

To quote my favourite set of lyrics "And when tomorrow comes the emptiness is gone, my journeys just begun" I'm simply waiting tomorrow to come and start my journey yet tomorrow never comes.