First timer - Stuck in a rut

Morpheus4 · ‎11-08-2018

Hi,

I have had anxiety / depression for about 2 years now, associated with a difficult relationship with my boss. I have been on medication since being diagnosed, and although this helps me keep going to work, I am still very up and down in my emotional life. At the moment I am feeling quite anxious / angry / despondent, but mostly feel that I am stuck in a rut - getting no joy out of life and just going through the motions. I have stopped looking after myself in terms of exercise and eating, and although I usually get a bit slack in winter, I can't be bothered doing anything to change my thinking or approach to life.

I have a supportive family and colleagues and a couple of friends, but I have a nagging suspicion that the way I choose to be for these people is part of the issue, and that I am not really being my try self - but I don't know what that is anymore.

I have also had some counselling (CBT) and although I can identify some of the ways I think "erroneously" it does not change my reality very much.

I am scared about trying to get a new job as I am in my late 50's and want to retire in a year (as agreed with my wife). But I think I have some concerns about not working too, as I love the challenge of my work - I just want to do less of it, and work for someone who respects / appreciates me.

I see that others on the forum have similar issues, so I know I am not alone. Currently I am just trying to pace myself and hope that things will get better as the weather warms up and a few of the current work / life stressful issues are solved.

So I guess I am looking for ideas on how to start to get better again.

Thanks.

Doolhof · ‎11-08-2018

Hi Morpheous4,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and welcome to the community here. Being stuck in a rut is something may of us can identify with I am sure.

How about you take a curious peak over that rut of yours and see what is out there.

Take yourself out for a walk in a an area you don't usually go walking, take the wife, take the family, if you have a dog I am sure it would enjoy a walk as well. While you are out walking look for different things be curious about what is around you.

Did you play "I spy" as a kid? Do a little of that. Some people call it mindfulness.

Do you have any hobbies or interests you could remotely strum up some enthusiasm for? Is there a car show on this weekend, a gardening display, a footy game you might like to go and watch, anything to get you out of the house.

Changing jobs right now might be a bit difficult due to the low mood. Are there things you can do each day to make the job you have now more bearable or enjoyable?

I was in a volunteer position where a person was being a bully. I ended up greeting that person very warmly each time I saw them and asked them how they were, what they were up to and other small talk. The bullying stopped. I felt a lot better being positive instead of dreading seeing that person.

Just a few ideas for a start! Take a peak over that rut and see what you can see!

Cheers to you from Dools

Morpheus4 · ‎12-08-2018

Thanks Dools - some food for thought. And some action today, pushing myself out for a walk and practicing my A-Z of gratitudes. I will see how I feel tomorrow about greeting the bully warmly - a bit of fake-it-til-I-make-it?