Dear E~
I'd like to join Jess in welcoming you here. Having a year out is fine, too many people drop out in first year and waste a chance, so a pause can be very good.
I'm afraid there is no easy answer for a job in some rural localities, and this can be a very corrosive thing. It's very hard to convince oneself of one's own worth when friends are all working and you are not, particularly if you are being pressured - a bit of an unrealistic thing to do.
I think Jess' idea of seeing if there is any voluntary work is pretty good. I have done a lot of that and find it gives structure to life, interest and feelings of accomplishment - plus it looks good when applying for jobs.
Trying to deal with anxiety and panic attacks is not something one should try to cope with alone. May I ask if you have been to your GP about this? My anxiety kept getting worse until I had proper medical support. Do you have a technique for the attacks?
It's a pity about your parents, are they aware they are damaging you by being so volatile? While it might be too much to expect them to change their natures is there any possibility of their toning it down when others are around?
You are not droning on, quite the opposite. To express what is happening to you is very necessary, plus without that how would we know how to respond?
Croix
