Feeling like nothing fits in my life

[happysmile]

Hello, everyone!

My name is William, I'm 26 and I'm new in this forum.

I have an issue since the first year I went to an University... I'm studying Computer Engineering, so you can imagine how hard that is...

The thing is: two years ago, I got stuck. I really don't know anymore what I want from/for life, to do for a living and what to expect from it etc.

I had suicidal thoughts but I got over it, but it seems that I still feel very lost, confused and like a loser.

I have lots of things to do, lots of stuff to study, but it's like I don't want it all, the thoughts of "how hard" something is for doing concretely just keeps me away from all of it, so I procrastinate.

In this lockdown, I had and am having oportunities for building a career, but as I remember that I'm about to get back to "technology studies" it keeps my away from it too, because I feel old and unable of doing it, like I can't be smart enough to learn hard things. I don't know if I'm being clear, but that's it. I see people growing around me, having a senior title just with my age, and I look at my whole self and feel horrible.

I'm unemployed, I don't know if I'll get a job, what job I'll get and what I want to work with, like now I'm null and void, empty inside.

Can anyone here show me a way out, point me what is happening to me, if that's over, or it's a symptom, or anything else, if there's hope?

Thanks alot, you all!

[Alexa1401]

Hey

Im sorry to hear that you have fallen into a rut.

Honestly, Im the same, first year uni, no job, feels like theres just nothing. But I can tell you now that there is always something, you have to be willing to see it and take the opportunity when it comes. It may take a while but trust me, if you need someone to tell you theres hope, theres something out there, things will change then here it is.

Can I ask, what do you like doing? besides technology. What really interests you. Think about it.

And yes with lockdown there were opportunities and still are to make a business, but realistically, things like that take time. AllI can say is try to find the things that make you happy and expand on them, find paths and work on them. You can change your mind about what you want to do career wise. You are never to old t learn new things. Because there is no age where you can no longer apply yourself to new things. Dont focus on what people are doing around you, because trust me, everyone around has felt the way you feel and have felt it.

Keep trying your best to move forward and take the time to think and focus on yourself.

[happysmile]

I just don't know what's going on. Yesterday, I was kind of hopeful, I had planned something in my mind and was happy about it. It felt like I was recovering myself, but then I slept because somehow my mind told me to. And now, I'm awake but not wanting anything, like anything will change, so what's the point of trying?

That's what makes me sad and angry everytime. I get a good vibe on my life, I think lots of things, but it's just so ephemeral... the feeling of emptyness comes back, hopelessness covers the day, and it's like I'm not worth it, I won't make any difference, I'll keep on failing because everything looks so difficult and impossible of doing that I stop thinking about, not even trying it. That invades me in an unexplainable way.

This ephemeral feeling affects me so hard, because my hope goes like fuel, ends so fast and I keep on oscilating through those feelings and thoughts, I just feel like a mess.

And a plus: I love lots of things! I love politics, psychology, reading, programming a software, developing websites etc. But all those things keep on bothering me, because I start to read a book, then I stop and ignore it for a long time, then I start a new project with software development, and I abandon it when it pisses me off, because I have no patience with some difficulties. And politics makes me anxious because, you know, we live a crisis, it's savage. I love music, I'd love to compose something, but I'm unable of keeping something for a long time, like it makes me feel bad if I keep going, so I hale lots of unfinished works.

Sorry for that bunch of text and maybe bulls****, but that's how I feel. And I don't even have the possibility of getting help, because I have no money for therapies.

[Alykat]

Hi,

I think the first step is that you have identified that things are not feeling right, which is sometimes the hardest and you've reached out! That took guts, I think the next step is to see your GP, you can go to one that Bulk Bills and get a mental health plan, if you are studying then you will get a reduced rate to see a professional if need be but your GP can point you in the right direction. Look at it as an investment in yourself and your wellbeing rather than a negative cost, this will help you justify having to wait for anything else you want to use money for. It is important.

I think it is important to discuss your options in regards to study and what you are interesting in going forward with someone from the Uni? Most educational facilities have a career councilor or someone you can talk to. We all go through these times of uncertainty with our choices and the most important part is knowing that you can change direction and take another path if you choose.

Be kind to yourself and use this time to explore other interests.

[geoff]

Hi Happymile, and welcome.

I'm sorry for how you are feeling but if you look at what you want to do they are confusing you because they are enormous tasks to achieve and I don't know if anybody could o all of this at the same time, it's too complicated.

Mentally it's impossible and it's causing trouble for you, not that I'm qualified to say, but experience tells me this as there were so many projects I wanted to achieve all at once, so I took a year off doing something I loved to do and forget about the list.

What we forget is to look after ourselves at that present time, put them on hold, you might change your mind in 6 months time, give yourself a break.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Kike]

Hi Happysmile,

I understand how you are feeling. Sometimes we need to pause and reset before being able to move forward in the right direction at full speed. It's great that you have many interests and you are curious about many topics. You have many options to feel mentally stimulated and engaged, and many options to make a positive impact. I also love science, sports, politics, business, music, drama, reading, and socializing.

Consider taking one task at a time, one day at a time. Start with a realistic daily "to do" list. Tick those boxes as you complete each task. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you have five goals for the day and only managed to complete three, you can take the last two to the next day. Make sure that you manage your energy and not only your time.

Start with baby steps looking after yourself. I tell you as an example, what works for me: Sleeping 8 hours a day, having a shower and shaving before eating my breakfast, eating healthy, exercising (could be anything from a walk to a long swimming session) minimum 30 minutes per day, reading and/or completing a mental game (puzzle, Sudoku, chess, etc.), preparing my "to do" list before going to bed, and making sure that I avoid sources of distraction when I am at work (for example, not accessing sterile social media, leaving my mobile in the car, and trying to complete one task at a time).

In essence, focus on what you can control (your sleep, your diet, your exercise, your private time) and be a bit more relaxed about what's out of your hands.

These uncertain times could represent a great opportunity to travel between the person that we are and the person that we want to be. The key is to enjoy the journey, not so much about the destination.

Finally, make sure that you are surrounded by people that have a positive impact on your life. People that care about you and you respect, admire, or love.