Feeling down and talentless and numb

[Al1234567890]

Hi
I've been feeling completely pointless today. Like I'm untalented in everything and any sort of idea of a job in my future doesn't appeal to me and makes me feel sad and horrible so why would I ever want to put myself into that position. I really want to do well with uni but I wake up wanting to sleep and don't know how to get out of this continuois slumber. I want to do things but I'm so tired and have no thoughts. It's like all my feelings are gone and I can't feel anything towards anyone or anything and I don't know how to feel again, but also I keep beating myself up because people are actually struggling and I keep complaining and being self-pitying and that doesn't feel like a valid reason to feel this way. I just wishi could stop feeling like this.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Al1234567890

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum and welcome to a really safe space to get these thoughts and feelings out, I am so proud of you for reaching out here to get some advice and some support at this time, it is really tough to be feeling like you lust for life is not so bubbly and shiny.

Firstly I wanted to ask, is this feeling of being untalented and completely pointless just started today, or is this something that has been with you for some time? The reason I ask is that it is ok to have bad days, to feel as you have described above, like you are wallowing in self pity and that all your feelings have gone, however when you have been feeling like this for some time that is when we perhaps need to take a step to consider whether there is some professional help and support needed.

I also wanted to say you are no less important than anyone else and your feelings and thoughts matter, you matter, that just because others are suffering too does not make you any less entitled to get some support and some help, we all matter and are worth the means to be happy and to enjoy life, every one of us.

It is a very unusual time too with isolation and I am sure that is not helping much to how you are feeling, I am just wondering if you are managing to keep in contact with friends, family? We are going through a very weird time that really does make out emotions very much at the forefront of our lives and I hope you have some people with whom you can connect with.

Can I say I am 45 and I have had many different roles in life, have many career changes and even to this day and studying to maybe use that in a future role, but my point is that it is ok not to know what you want to do "for the rest of your life", that you may have 1 job or 100 jobs and that is fine too, I think if you focus on the courses and study what makes you happy, then I really believe the rest will fall into place, and you don't have to figure it all out today, or tomorrow. There is so much pressure put on young adults of today and I am so sorry about that, but enjoy now, do your course, make some friends and let the future write itself.

I hope to chat to you some more Al1234567890, huge hugs to you

Sarah

[Al1234567890]

Thank you so much for replying, I really needed to hear that.
These feelings come and go quite rapidly and sometimes it's external pressures like uni, relationships, covid19, climate change, etc that cause them and other times they can come out of nowhere and it's like I know how to stop the feelings but I don't have the energy to just "wake up". I feel like it's been like this for a few years now and I keep waiting for it to end but it hasn't yet. I do have a close relationship with my family and I'm greatly appreciative of that but I often feel that I burden them a lot by trying to tell them how I feel, especially since I know they've got lots going on in their own lives and I don't want to add to their stresses. I don't really have a friend who I can talk to these things about as I'm regarded as a pretty "happy" and "positive" person, so these conversations never feel like they would be welcomed and I always get the impression that people don't really understand how and why I'm feeling the way I am.

[Aaronsis]

Hello Al1234567890

I hear what you are saying in that you feel like you are the bubbliest person in the room, so why on earth would you have any worries and concerns, that should you share how you are feeling with a friend that it would come across as strange, like perhaps you are making it up and that they may even discount what you are saying. That your family are too busy with their own lives so you don't want to burden them with how you are feeling. This is the mask that people who are struggling with depression and anxiety sometimes wear, to make out like they are perfectly fine so as not to impact others, which is so very thoughtful that you don't want to upset or burden others but ..what if we all did this, what if we all walked around putting on a brave face and really inside we were just ready to explode, with sadness and pain. Well we don't, can I suggest to you that even by you opening up your pain and sadness and how you are struggling with a close friend, they may even in fact share with you how they feel too, not that this to be the reason to speak, you do it so you can feel supported but you just don't know how anyone feels really and you are most certainly not a burden, to your family or your friends. They love you, they would want to be there for you, to help you get some support and to listen, that is what family does and you have said you have a close relationship with your family, let them love you and support you.

Might I even suggest to you a call to Kids Helpline, they are on 1800 55 1800, this might also be a wonderful place to start, to have a chat and get some advice and some support. They even have a webchat available if you prefer that.

It might even be time to check in with your GP, to have a chat and to see if they think you need some extra support also, how would you feel about doing that?

It is a really strange time and one like we have not seen before, it does cause all sorts of emotions and the fact we are at home and not socializing as we normally would and not getting out and about like we usually would also, it really does impact our mental health. What are some of the things that you like to do that make you feel good about you?

Chat some more to you Al1234567890

Hugs to you

Sarah

[Al1234567890]

Thank you again, this really is making me feel a lot better. I think I'm going to try and talk to a friend sometime soon about how I've been feeling and maybe just let her know. It will be hard but I guess it would be nice to tell someone. I've been feeling much better today and feel much more positive about things, so hopefully this feeling lasts. I think when those feelings come back I'll try and talk to my GP about it cause whilst I'm down it really feels like I can't go anywhere or do anything and I don't want to feel like that anymore. I wasn't aware that the kids helpline had a webchat which I think i'd feel much more comfortable using so I'll make sure to remember that and use it when those feelings come back. In regards to what I do to feel good about myself, I'm really not sure. I don't really do anything that makes me feel good about myself, I usually just try and distract myself from thinking about my own presence like watching movies or daydreaming. If I start to think about myself too much then I feel all those bad thoughts coming back so I just try to avoid that.

[David35]

Have you got any family members who are good listeners?

[Aaronsis]

Hello Al1234567890

Great to chat to you some more and I am so happy to hear that you are feeling more positive, I think also in these times when you are feeling good it is nice to be able to write this down somewhere, to remind yourself that good times are around the corner, that they are possible and they do happen, that while it is ok to have a bad day, or even a bad two days, it is not good to live in this space so a little note to remind you that feeling good is possible too.

I am wondering if you might try to think of some things and even try some things that you can put in your bag of tricks to start to add some happiness to your life, like reading or painting or music, movies, sport, trying some things that you find enjoyable so that you do have a "go to" when you are feeling down, something to help pick you up again. Along the way you will find things you love and things you don't like and this is exciting too, to find out about you.

I think it is a great idea to chat to a friend and I am happy to hear that you think so too, sometimes just getting it out helps and just knowing too that you have someone on your team who understands that you have had some bad days, that you are feeling bad sometimes, and so that they can check in on you.

Seeing a GP is also a great way to get some feedback as to how you are feeling and if they feel like you do need some extra support. They have all sorts of things to offer so this too would be great, I think you can even do this over the phone or by video now with the COVID rules so this is handy also.

It is really great to chat to you and I hope you are feeling better about sharing your feelings here.

Hugs to you Al1234567890

Sarah

[hob2]

" ..those feelings come back I'll try and talk to my GP .."

yeah, could be some chemical imbalance .

Try & see; GL anyway