Feeling completely mentally drained

[Pepsicola]

Hi I’m Jess! 32yrs young. New to the forum. I have suffered from severe anxiety and depression for over 16yrs. I get better then I fall down again. I have been on medication for anxiety for 10yrs. Have been off it for almost a year as I decided to have another baby! Well we’ll well.... bub is 9mths old and my life has spiralled out of control. I don’t know who I am. I can say this is the worst I’ve felt in my entire life. Drs appointment booked to get back on my meds and see a psychologist to finally start getting better again. I HATE that I have to take medication but no matter what I do I can’t shake this one off. I feel SO alone. Suffocated by my own thoughts and worries. 100% consumed. Constantly fighting with my thoughts trying to push them away. But they are not going anywhere. Why me why me. I have a beautiful family. Supportive partner and two wonderful little girls. Everyday is a constant battle. I’m mentally exhausted. I just want to feel normal. I want to get up everyday and feel incredible. But my mind has other ideas. I hope one day to be able to concur this debilitating sickness once and for all. I am feeling somewhat positive that I can overcome this. That glimmer of positivity lurking in the background is what I’m holding on to. I know I can do it with the right help and support! xx

[Summer Rose]

Hi Jess

Welcome to the bb forums. I'm so glad that you posted, as there are many kind and caring people in the community who can support you.

I'm really sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. You have had to endure more than your fair share of pain and most certainly deserve some peace. Like you, I have faced many days with just a sliver of light to guide the way and somehow that has been enough to keep me going. You plough on and I'm confident life will get better.

Seeking treatment again is a great place to start. Nobody likes taking medication but sometimes it's just what we have to do to get and stay well. And that's okay. The main thing is that you start to feel better soon.

You can do this. With the right treatment and support most people experiencing depression and anxiety do recover. Never forget that.

Post anytime. Always happy to chat

[blondguy]

Hi Jess

Welcome and thankyou for posting with us 🙂

I am sorry for the pain that anxiety/depression has thrown at you. I understand you as this is my 34th year with the same feelings (symptoms) and 22 years on antidepressants (under management with my GP) whilst being in a senior corporate management position at the same time...ugh!

You are not alone with the way you feel at all. There are many gentle people on the forums that have similar feelings as you and I do....and yes...they are awful (understatement of the year)

Unfortunately the healing process does take some time....determination and the patience to heal. I was a dill and thought I could self heal for about 10 years....until the depression became serious....then I was happy to have a low dosage script of the AD's

I will keep this brief as there is so much to say here.

• The earlier anxiety/depression is treated the better our recovery is
• Meds are frowned upon often. I used to do avoid them too yet since anxiety/depression is partially chemically based it makes this awful illness a physical one and similar as people that have to take high blood pressure medication or insulin for diabetes.
• Fighting the anxiety/depression only exacerbates the symptoms and leads to further mental exhaustion which we dont want..'Acceptance therapy works wonders' ...seriously

Just for my anxiety/depression it took me over 10 years to grasp that I needed super regular counseling which worked really well to heal more effectively (Just fyi it was weekly for seven months whilst working)

If you have any questions or want to have a vent you are more than welcome Jess!

you are not alone

My kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Jess~

As many have found having what seems a pretty good life on the surface is no bar to depression and anxiety. It simply happens, and there is not always an obvious answer why.

It can seem so unsatisfactory to be reliant on medications, however it can be a fact of life, and by and large not too hard a thing to put up with. I've been on meds for very many years, and provided I don't forget to go to the chemist to fill my scripts it is pretty unobtrusive.

Actually in your case having the possibility of going back on a regime plus therapy and getting back on track is a comforting thing to feel. Hopefully you will not be stuck as you are for long. Going back to the doctor is a wise move.

I've not conquered my illness, but I have reached the stage where I can go on and live an enjoyable productive life with love and feelings of self-worth. This has been accomplished partly by, as I say, meds and medical support, and partly be living as sensible and stress free a life as I can. Exercise, nutrition, sleep, plus doing things every day to look forward to, to distract and take the mind away.

Actually as a mum wiht three little kids that's not going to be easy. You did say you had a supportive partner. Does he understand how you feel? Sometimes it can be hard without personal experience.

What I'm trying to say is that you can expect things to get better, to wake up looking forward to the day.

Croix

[Pepsicola]

I can’t believe I have left it so long to post in these forums!! I feel like I have an army behind me now after reading others experiences and now not feeling so alone. Wow. Thank you for taking the time to write such encouraging words. I am excited to see my dr and finally get to the bottom of this madness. Again, thank you for reaching out xx

[blondguy]

Hi Jess

No worries at all and thankyou for the super complimentary post too 🙂

Even though its not an instant chat based forum we are here for you and try hard to post back when we are able

I hope that tomorrow treats you well

Paul

[Pepsicola]

Hi Paul! Thank you kindly for reaching out on my post. I certainly don’t feel so alone anymore. Medication scares me so much but I KNOW it helps me so much also. I have been off and on it plenty of times over 10yrs but not this long (almost a year). I also have severe health anxiety so the thought of any drug in my body is like a parasite. I feel like long term its just going to be more harm than good (all made up in my head). But I know 100% that psychology alone will not benefit me. My mental health is just too severe. I have to keep reminding myself about how good I’m going to feel again and how enjoyable life will be 🙂 I’m really looking forward to getting on top of this. Focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. Again, thanks so much for reaching out Paul 🙂

[Pepsicola]

Hi Croix! Yes my partner is super super supportive and he has put up with soooo much already. It’s hard for him to understand where I’m coming from as he has never experienced anxiety as severe as mine. He has listened to me day and night and wiped many tears and held on to me through the stormiest weather. I am pretty lucky!!

It is definitely comforting knowing I soon will have the support and medication to help me feel some what normal again. I have never had consistent counseling as I thought I could deal with all that myself. I have fought so hard to fight the depression and anxiety alone for years. Lots of highs and lows. I am actually also getting an official diagnosis of my mental health condition. I feel it is a lot more than just anxiety and depression but I haven’t been 100% honest with my gps over the years.

Exercise and diet has a huge impact on the way I feel also so I am working on that after I’ve seen my gp. At the moment even getting out of bed is unbearable. I could stay in bed all day and hide but I have to be proactive for my children.

Thank you so much for your kind words! 🙂 I am glad you’re feeling better xx

[Croix]

Dear Pepsicola~

There are an awful lot of us that have 'glossed over' or 'minimized' things when talking to a doctor. Happens for lots of reasons from accepting things ourselves through to fear of consequences.

Still it is necessary, as you can't be treated properly until the facts are known.

I'm very glad that you, like me, have a most supportive partner. Once she found out my condition was not due to anything she had done she developed confidence and came, basically through trial and error, to find what she needed to do. Not a straightforward process as I wasn't that consistent:(

Croix