Feel like a failure....don't know what to do

[Shane_W]

Hi, I am finding life hard at the moment and don't know who to talk to or how to work out a path forward. About five years ago, when I was 34, I went through major burnout from work.....had depression, panic attacks, emotional exhaustion and had to quit work and have time off to rest and recover. This meant a complete career change as I no longer had the capacity to do the same type of work again. I got another job working night shifts ( which paid less) and started studying in the day just finishing a uni degree last year. Fast forward to now......I think I choose the wrong degree, all of the jobs I am looking for associated with my degree pay less than night shifts. As of last year our four kids are all in school and the oldest has started high school. They are at a private school which is great, and cheap for a private school comparatively........but my wife and I just can't afford it now the oldest is in high school and the fees increased. I feel the financial stress of the fees and feel like a failure as I can't find work that pays enough to cover the fees for the school the children love. Have been feeling depressed, anxious and like a failure as a person over Christmas and at the beginning of this year. Don't know what to do......the public school nearby has a bad reputation. Maybe we should move to an area with better schools. I feel trapped and as though I have failed my wife and kids. I don't know who to talk to about this or how to move forward. I really don't want to get back into the place I was at in burnout. It took me years to recover.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I think you are over extending yourselves at the moment. Trying to be best parents can result in getting things out of proper perspective. You cant live beyond your means.

With schools you usually hear the bad reputation and it isnt fair, not realistic.

Sometimes in life we should be more radical with our actions where appropriate and moving your children to public schools is an action that is reasonable. Then the financial pressure will ease.

Often people choose the wrong career path. We get members posting here about that. You're human, its to be expected. So put it behind you. With the private school fees disappearing you could afford to return to that field. You'll also stop shift work which not only disrupts homelife but reduces your lifespan and hinders mental health (been there).

It might be time to be radical.

Google

Beyondblue Topic be radical

Repost anytime, take care.

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Shane W,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here. I'm sorry that you're struggling with this but I'm glad that you reached out. I'm getting from your post that you feel like a failure because you chose the wrong degree and now can't afford the fees, have I got that right?

I don't know you, but I don't see a failure. I see an incredibly hard-working man whose battling depression and anxiety (no easy feat!), taking risks, making changes - all for a better life and to support your family and kids. That doesn't scream failure. If anything, it makes me kind of sad because you've worked so hard and now the workforce is letting you down by not paying you as well as you need - and that's completely out of your control.

So - what is in your control and what are your options from here? You mentioned moving to a different area - are there other options?

I wonder if it might be worth talking to your wife too if you haven't already. You are a team, and even if she doesn't understand how you're feeling (or you don't want to tell her) it could help being able to brainstorm together and think of options that might work for the both of you.