Feel completely overwhelmed

[blueguy71]

Hi all


I have just joined the forums. My short story is: I have been through an immense amount of change in the past few months and and feeling completely overwhelmed, and have developed what I feel is some quite severe depression.


My wife and I made the decision to separate about 8 months ago but it was only two months ago that she moved out. About the time that we decided to separate I had a car accident and the combination of that and the separation led to me deciding to resign from my job where I had been for ten years. Whilst I have been doing some contract work in the past couple of months it hasn’t been the most stable situation and I have been having to work by myself a lot.


I am still living in our family home (where we’ve been for more than ten years) although have sold it and will be moving out in about a month.


Our separation was quite amicable but our three kids are doing it bit tough as well.


I start a new role in a couple of months but am feeling very anxious about it and am not at all confident I will be able to be successful. And am very worried about what I’ll do if that doesn’t work out.


So I have a great deal of time by myself, caught up inside my head, and am having a lot of very negative thoughts. Guilt, lack of self confidence, worry about the future, worry about financial security are all at play. I am noticing many depressive symptoms including low energy, poor sleep, lack of appetite, low motivation, inability to make decisions amongst others.


At times it is all feeling so incredibly overwhelming.


It is good to be able to write all this down and from the little I have seen there are some wonderful supportive people on these forums so thank you for reading and I hope to be able to do what I can to contribute to others’ situations too.

[Birdy77]

Dear blueguy,

I hope your time interstate is refreshing - I know it can be that, but it can also feel extra lonesome. Please remember you can come and chat here on the forums if you need distraction - there's social pages as well if you want to explore, just to get your head away from heavy thoughts.

I'm glad trying the meditations have helped a little. Sometimes they take a while to settle in your mind and make a positive difference.

I hope your kids are doing ok, and that you are taking good care of you.

🌻birdy

[blueguy71]

Thanks Birdy. Trip interstate was okay - nice to be somewhere different.

Agree with getting the mind distracted - I will give the forums a look - distraction is THE key to managing through all this.

Kids are doing pretty well all all things considered. Fortunately as mentioned my (ex) wife and I are in very amicable terms and I am sure it will stay that way. I think we both care about each other and the kids too much to resort to poor behaviour towards each other. So I think the kids are at least just dealing with logistical issues mostly, rather than serious emotional ones.

Thanks once again for your support. It really is making a difference to how I am feeling.

[Frak]

Hi Blueguy,

I am completely new to this and this is my first post. I'm in a similar situation, separation imminent, 2 great older kids, 16 and 19, and a lot of time up my sleeve. I'm trying to start a new business which may not be successful which is also stressful.

Sleep is difficult but helping others has been a good distraction for me. Exercising has been my solace too. I'm trying to do good self care too, like eating well and keeping alcohol intact lowish.

What you are going through, similar to myself could deteriorate into a crisis situation so I recommend being self aware as to how you feel. If you feel you are running at a 5 or less out of 10, then try and spring some actions into place to enjoy life more. (This is really a note to myself).

I really feel for you and wish you the very best. If you need someone to talk to at any time, I think calling lifeline 13 11 14 can be very useful too, as well as coming on here.

My situation is similar to yours so I think I know some of your struggle. Managing thoughts I find at times the most difficult for me. I'm trying to dream a good future and by golly, I want it. I hope we both score that great future.

Wishing you the best.

Frak

[blueguy71]

Thanks very much Frank. Sorry to hear about what you’re going through but thank you for sharing.

agree with taking action and not letting the thoughts take over. But taking action can be really hard.

Also agree that helping others is a wonderful way to feel Breyer and also with your diet and alcohol suggestions. In short, I agree with everything you said!

Wishing you the best too. I trust that the universe will hopefully look after people who are good people and it sure sounds like you are.

[blueguy71]

Sorry I did mean to type Frak but autocorrect took over!

[Frak]

Thats fine, my name is Frank so autocorrect was right. I did register as Frak to be more unique but now I can't change it.

Yes, Taking action is really hard and sometimes, I feel like a boxer who gets knocked to the canvas, but I keep getting up again, and again. If nothing else we become good role models for our kids. Never say die, I say.

I hope you can find enjoyment, I want to find more of it myself.

regards and best wishes

[blueguy71]

Well hi Frank!

We have to keep getting up. I agree. As you said that is how we will become good role models.

But it is hard. I have never had trouble getting out of bed in the morning (I always bounced out) but now it is hard. Making decisions is hard. Which it has never been previously.

I trust from all the success stories that I hear that we can get through this. But right at the moment it feels very difficult.

[Birdy77]

Dear blueguy,

Your safety zone has changed, all the usual stable, secure things that you could count on without thinking about it - eg. your marriage, your home, your job - are no longer there, so things like making decisions, is now really hard no doubt because your mind is working overtime to think on things you didn't need to before. Your worries about the future, financial stability, new home etc etc etc.

It will take time to get through this difficult stage, but you will get there one day at a time, and sometimes just one minute at a time.

One really good thing is that you and your (ex)wife care for each other still. What a blessing that is in all of this.

Frank, I'm sorry you're going through this as well, I hope your business venture goes really well, that must be a big added stress at this time.

I am glad you can both be here to support each other.

🌻birdy

[blueguy71]

Thanks once again birdy. Appreciate your thoughts as always.

One minute at a time is right. Today I am setting me and the kids the task of a big tidy up/clean out ahead of our move in two weeks.

Not the most enjoyable job but at least there will be some small sense of achievement at the end of it.

[Frak]

Dear Blueguy and Birdie,

I am getting some piece of mind reading your posts. I am inspired by you Blueguy, that you can look ahead and, see a small improvement by tackling the cleanup job is a step in the right direction.

Today my wife and I work out the money/asset split situation.

If I can view it as a job needing to be done well for all involved then that will be another step forward. I will have to be mindful to assert my rights because I am the one losing financially out of this. It bugs me because I was the financially sensible one saving as much as possible and she was the spender.

Focusing well on one job at a time is important.

Wishing you all the best blueguy.

Frak