Feel completely overwhelmed

[blueguy71]

Hi all


I have just joined the forums. My short story is: I have been through an immense amount of change in the past few months and and feeling completely overwhelmed, and have developed what I feel is some quite severe depression.


My wife and I made the decision to separate about 8 months ago but it was only two months ago that she moved out. About the time that we decided to separate I had a car accident and the combination of that and the separation led to me deciding to resign from my job where I had been for ten years. Whilst I have been doing some contract work in the past couple of months it hasn’t been the most stable situation and I have been having to work by myself a lot.


I am still living in our family home (where we’ve been for more than ten years) although have sold it and will be moving out in about a month.


Our separation was quite amicable but our three kids are doing it bit tough as well.


I start a new role in a couple of months but am feeling very anxious about it and am not at all confident I will be able to be successful. And am very worried about what I’ll do if that doesn’t work out.


So I have a great deal of time by myself, caught up inside my head, and am having a lot of very negative thoughts. Guilt, lack of self confidence, worry about the future, worry about financial security are all at play. I am noticing many depressive symptoms including low energy, poor sleep, lack of appetite, low motivation, inability to make decisions amongst others.


At times it is all feeling so incredibly overwhelming.


It is good to be able to write all this down and from the little I have seen there are some wonderful supportive people on these forums so thank you for reading and I hope to be able to do what I can to contribute to others’ situations too.

[Birdy77]

Dear blueguy,

I am glad you have come here.

You have had so many huge changes in a very short space of time, I think it would be quite natural for you to be feeling all those overwhelming feelings that you are feeling.

It sounds like so many constants in your life have been untethered, i can imagine it would feel quite frightening and you may feel kind of anchorless?

I'm so glad it has felt good for you to write this down.

It sounds like, with all those symptoms you mentioned, it would be helpful for you to talk to your dr and get some supports in place. You are going through big changes, and you don't have to do this on your own.

Being there for your kids as well as they're going through this family change, moving house etc, you need to take good care of yourself before you can hold up your kids. You matter and you deserve support.

You are amongst friends here.

Please come and talk here any time.

🌻birdy

[blueguy71]

Thank you so much birdy for your thoughtful reply. You have absolutely confirmed my feelings about these forums and the support provided.

”Anchorless” is very accurate. At the moment I don’t feel I have any safe place - no regular work, home is empty and cold. I do have a number of friends who have been very supportive and who I am talking too. But they can’t be there 24/7 and neither should I expect them to be.

I have been to the GP and have visited a psych for several sessions. Am on medication which I think is helping.

However I am recognising that the main solutions ultimately have to come from within me - the GP and psych can’t “fix” they can only “support”. It is a combination of things I need to do relating to mindset, routines, sleep (this is huge - I am not sleeping well at all).

At the moment it just feels really hard. But getting such a wonderful response from a complete stranger does certainly help, so thank you again.

[B_bear]

Hi Blueguy71 I’m in a similar boat. Separated a few months ago. Ex moved out. I work in a stressful field so with that and the separation I’ve found myself at a pretty low point. Exercise, socials, chatting to friends and spending quality time with the kids has all helped. I will also consider medication if I feel like this much longer. I hope you start to feel better soon. With the new job it might be a welcome distraction from the quiet times you mentioned. I’ve found staying busy is a must. If I don’t it’s very easy to fall into a dark place.

[blueguy71]

Thanks for sharing B bear. Whilst I wouldn’t wish you to feel how i’m feeling at the moment, I do appreciate knowing that I am not alone in feeling like that. I totally agree that being busy is key.

Good of luck with your journey and whilst i am not a doctor I would certainly say don’t be afraid to give the medication a go.

[Birdy77]

Dear blueguy,

I am really pleased to hear that you have those supports in place with your dr and psychologist sessions and medicine. Without these, it could feel even worse than it feels now, so it's a really good start.

Of course it all feels so incredibly hard right now. Even the simplest of tasks probably feel mammoth at the moment: getting out of bed, feeding yourself, getting some exercise. I think this is natural, as pretty much all your familiar routines and structures gave been ripped away from you, all at once no less. This is no small challenge. You are doing well, getting through each day as you are.

I'm really happy to hear you have some good friends to call on and to help you through this time, although they can't be there 24/7.

Being in the house by yourself must feel really strange, it is filled with a decade of memories of you building your family. I think when you move into your new accommodation, it may feel a bit like you can start to move forward or something.

Feeling anchorless is frightening, and as you and B bear have both said, creating for yourself some routines will really help you. I know it feels hard, but it will be worth it.

When you feel at a loss, or if you might dissolve (this is how I've felt in the past when everything familiar has been ripped from under me), can you think of some go-to activities that could help you get through that moment? Reading a book, going for a run, gym, digging in the garden, dancing, playing music.

If all else fails, come to the forums and talk to people who care.

Thinking of you.

🌻birdy

[blueguy71]

Thanks again birdy for your wonderful reply. I can see why you are a “valued contributor”.

Agree about the new house. Should hopefully feel like a fresh start, moving on.

I am just about to make myself some dinner, with incense and music. And a glass of wine (one is okay, I think).

That certainly does help. As it feels productive.

[Birdy77]

Dear blueguy,

That is wonderful news!

Cooking a yummy dinner, incense, music, wine. If you have a candle to light as well, even better.

It is definitely productive because it is looking after you. So important.

If you can keep doing this - treat yourself as you would treat a beloved friend, or how you would wish a loved one would be treated - you will be doing so well.

You have taken and are taking beautiful, strong, healthy steps towards new beginnings.

Enjoy your dinner.

Thoughts are with you,

🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

Dear blueguy,

I wondered how you are today, and hoped that you have some things today that can help you feel settled or purposeful or simply distracted and ok.

What you mentioned about how the changes and "fixing" needs to come from within us is of course spot on, but sometimes can feel like you just want to chuck it in the too hard basket because just getting through the minutes if the day is hard enough.

Sleepless nights are so difficult because that's when the thoughts can run riot, when everything else is quiet. Do you have any apps on your phone that you can use at times like that, I know a few forum members like one called Smiling Mind. I use different things that I find on Spotify, one that I've used recently is called Headspace - Mediatation Made Simple. Can help to break the spin cycle of thoughts sometimes.

I hope you are ok.

🌻birdy

[blueguy71]

Thanks for checking in Birdy. It has been an up and down couple of days. Right now am feeling not too bad but have had some pretty tough moments over the past 48 hours. Am heading interstate for work tonight which is good as it gets me into a different location (although I am still isolated not that different location).

I have listened to a few meditations so thanks for that suggestion.

Really appreciate your support.