Depression / Anxiety or is it Bipolar? I'm so over the rollercoaster ride

[Dreamer1992]

Hey Guys,

I am 25 years old and I've been diagnosed with depression and Anxiety at the age of 19. Since then I have been on antidepressants and over time as the condition has worsened, my medication dose has increased.

I had another life-changing event occur- my mother was hospitalized for a period of 10 months and then she passed away from a serious infection. This was a big shock to my whole family and a very horrible time because we were always on the edge of our seats, being told that she would make it or not make it. It was tough for us as well because the procedure she went in for was a simple checkup- not life-threatening at all

She was my counselor, she helped me get through these periods of self-doubt and shame and always forced me to get back on my two feet. Throughout the whole ordeal, I lost two jobs mainly because of my depression and anxious episodes. One time I will feel so strong and determined and know what I am doing, then a month or two later I will be so low at times unable to get out of bed, have no drive for work, I feel afraid and ashamed of failure and letting down people, I can't even bring myself to call them and say I am not coming in. In this period of low mood - I suffer from bad insomnia and my mind cant rest, I sleep for most of the day and I don't want to socialize or speak to anyone (This is so horrible and embarrassing for me because I am such a bubbly and confident person who usually socialises with any living thing). Its like I wear two masks and I'm so over hiding behind them.

So I have realised it's not going away and its happening again. Luckily, at the moment I am working casually- I went for a permanent position in the company but I wasn't successful. I know it is because of my frequent sick days. I am a good worker and I know I can achieve great things. I am getting to a point in my life where I want to settle down with my partner have kids and save for a house. How can I do that, If I keep moving from job to job because of my illness?

I am at a point where I think putting myself into an inpatient program is my best chance to combat my constant mood swings. What do you guys think is the best option? Can anyone recommend inpatient programs for mood disorders?

Thanks:)

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dreamer1992

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story. I'm really sorry to hear that you are unwell and having such a tough time.

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to be dealing with depression and anxiety and lose your mother in such tragic circumstances at such a young age.I am so sorry for your loss.

I think you are doing a marvellous job to get up each day and keep trying, despite the many challenges that you face. You should be very proud of yourself.

I am not a doctor and can't advise you about treatment paths but I can suggest that you have a good talk with your doctor/psych about seeking inpatient treatment. For what it's worth, I care for my daughter who has anxiety and OCD and she has received excellent and vital inpatient care in the past. Of course, everyone's journey is unique.

I am sending you kind thoughts and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You keep moving forward and look after yourself x

[Dreamer1992]

Thank you, Summer Rose, that is the path I am leaning toward as its too much for me to handle anymore.

And I want to get better and control these negative thoughts and keep going on in life without falling down so many times. I am glad you had a good experience with your daughter in an inpatient program.

I hope your daughter has found the light and is on a positive road to recovery. I too am keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and thank you again for the response. x