Day One - Newbie Here

[StinaStaffyMum]

Hi every one,

Yep I'm new here. Sitting here in my psychologist's room after a session and free to just sit back and chill out while some group therapy goes on next door.

I have battled depression and insomnia for over 20 years and every day is a challenge. Then three years ago I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, anxiety and social phobia. I live online rather than outside. Here I can be anonymous and not be judged. Most of the time. About the only time I go out to anything is when it is something to do with my dogs; somewhere I can take my dogs. They are my life. My reason for existing.

I want to share some words I wrote last night in an attempt to mind dump to help me to sleep. It's a stream of consciousness poem.

White Noise

Words words words
It's all just while noise
That fills the emptiness
when I go to bed
Shouting, screaming at me
to listen to the anger to the hurt. the injustice -
No, it's not fair! It's not my fault!
What did I do to deserve this?
Why should I have to suffer?
And why Should it be left up to me?
Why? why? WHY??
These words scream at me
Plead with me to listen
But my calm resistance
of my outer self
Just lies there
Eyes closed
And pretends to hear nothing
while inside the blood boils
The stomach churns
The anger seethes
And the heart cries -
All the words that fill my head
Whispering, nagging, taunting,
Till the screams are all I hear
And all I want to do
... is sleep.

Cheers

Stina

[Guest_5218]

Hello Stina, and welcome to the BB Forum.

I just read your poem and it is very poignant and touching. You obviously have a talent there.

I am sorry to hear of your suffering over the past 20 years. You are right in that you will not be judged here, but you will find many others who are suffering similarly to yourself. So you will receive lots of comforting advice and support.

I'm pleased to hear that you are recieving psychological help with your depression, anxiety and phobia. Are you also on any medications to help you? There are some antidepressants which may also help with sleep. Perhaps you can enquire with your GP about options?

I am a dog person as well. I cant remember a time that I havent had a dog as my constant companion. I have a little mini-foxie cross at the moment. Only a little thing, but she is 4.5kgs full of enthusiasm and unbounding love and joy. Our pets are truly a gift and we owe them much, sometimes our very lives.

What sort of dogs do you have? If you are interested you may be interested in reading or contributing to a Pet thread here on the forums. Look up the Staying Well section, and find a thread called "Pets - Helping us through the tough times and Keeping us Well". Lots of feel good stories there that you may find some enjoyment out of reading. And I would love to read more about your dogs there also.

Anyway Stina, welcome to you and I hope you find that the Forums are a comfort to you and that you find the support that you need here.

Kind regards,

Sherie xx