Hello everyone, I'm a 28 year old woman who has struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, I've never sought help for this and always found a way to just push through life but the last 24-48 hours have been hell for me. I can't remember the last time I've felt so bad..Saturday afternoon I couldn't stop thinking about how I wish I wasn't here because I just don't see the point to ongoing unhappiness. I feel like life will never be good for me. Sure I have good times, but they never last. I feel that I have to constantly work to be happy or content or even neutral, which is exhausting.
The last 24 hours I have been crying a lot. I've had 3 weeks annual leave from work and today was supposed to be my first day back at work. (I work as a nurse in a hospital - this job alone brings me alot of anxiety and depression due to the high level of stress/demands and antisocial work hours). I managed to sleep on and off from about 10pm until 2am this morning and then I could not sleep and knew I wouldn't get back to sleep so I called in sick, I just couldn't bring myself to go to work.
I am feeling very stupid as this breakdown seems to be brought on by the end of a very new and short lived relationship - We've known each other about 2 months. I have had relationships before (my longest was 6 years) and I feel I haven't been this severely effected by a break up. I think I'm so upset by this break up as he is the only person I've met in 2 years that I seriously pictured myself having a good relationship with and already began picturing a future with us. I feel i subconsciously sabotaged this in the beginning because of my issues from previous relationships, so set myself up to fail.
I really just don't know what to do. I tried going to my mum's house where my sisters and niece also live to distract myself but I left to come home because I couldnt stop myself from crying.
