Chronic fatigue

[Simmo123]

Had Cfs for 18 years there seems to de no help or no one that cares.it messes with your head you can't work to unwell .even friends and family think you are lazy.cant be around negative people.had heart attack reasently wife left dog died fairly lonely

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Simmo,

I would like to give you a warm welcome to the forums 🙂 I'm admittedly unsure if I'm the best person to respond as I'm not sure what to say but I figure that I would give it a go...

I don't have CFS so I can't pretend to understand what it feels like...but I imagine it has been one rough ride. There has clearly been a lot of loss in your life and I know it probably sounds trite coming from a stranger but I am sorry about your dog. Loneliness is horrible; I can empathise even if my "brand" of loneliness is different to yours.

I think it shows incredible resilience that you have managed so many struggles all these years and especially with such inadequate support...it can't have been easy..

Please feel free to come back to talk to us. We would like to get to know you better. I'm not sure if I'll say the right (or wrong) things but I'll try to support you as best I can.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Simmo123]

Thanks pepper just having bad day so much going on in my head.very frustrating everyone thinks I should do more .i Feel like a looser I am currently trying to get my house on market. So much to do enjoy doing work in garden painting etc then hit the wall and loose days of my life recovering.afew hours work I loose days .i keep telling myself to harden up other people have bigger problems .as for cfs ? Every ones got there opinions I'm living it and I don't imagine the pain head aches hot and cold sweats mental fog . Well I have tried to cope I tell myself 23 years married now nothing I do love her but that doesn't count for much.i tell myself she deserves to be happy .cant believe she won't talk to me

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Simmo,

I'm glad you decided to pay another visit...the expectations and lack of understanding must be disheartening. I imagine trying to explain CFS is possibly a little like talking to a brick wall sometimes- and I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but just trying to say that your friends and family just don't "get it."

There was a saying on this forum that "pain is pain is pain", which basically means it's not a competition; everyone's struggle is valid in its own right. Someone's struggle being perceived as a "bigger problem" doesn't make your own pain any less real or take away from it. Hope I'm making sense...

23 years...wow...I can't even imagine how heartbroken you must feel. You have a lot going on and it must be overwhelming.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Simmo123]

Thanks pepper for chat i do think it helps.i am lucky enough to have 3 beautiful children. And 2 adorable granddaughters.there pretty Mutch the only reason I'm still here.trying to look for positives in life . Hard some days i live in small town feel to much shame to walk down street.my ex knows everyone I want to hide I feel stupid I haven't done anything wrong.i taught my children to be honest but I can't get that from my ex does my head in trying not to hate her. I know full well it hasn't been easy on her.well pepper I hope you have a wonderful day thanks

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Simmo,

I'm glad chatting here helps; I think sometimes we just need human connection. Your children and grandchildren sound like the light of your life and you obviously love them very much. You are all very lucky to to have each other 🙂

I suppose less privacy could be one of the pitfalls of small town living...it must be really hard sometimes not But I have to say, I respect you for trying to take the high road by trying not to hate your ex. That is very telling of your good character.

Thanks for asking 🙂 I appreciate it. My day is off to a slow start and I'm doing the usual morning procrastination thing...I have an appointment so need to get going soon. Lol.

It was nice talking to you 🙂 hope to see you again (only if you want)...

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Simmo123]

I find it hard to talk to kids don't want them to see me not coping I'm supposed to have my shit together as a parent.i put on a good front that everything is ok.cant stop crying hard to find any help.my so called friends aren't banging on door or seem to Care.i find people want to know you when helping them out but when I need hand there's no one. Well pepper I do hope your day is a positive one and thank you I'm going to try to do some painting to get my mind busy. I do appreciate you listening

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Simmo,

I don't have any children so I can't speak from first-hand experience but it must be a lot of pressure on you- as a parent- to put on a brave front for them. I've seen a lot of posts on the forums where so many parent are struggling to "keep it together" for their kids. It must be so hard; my guess is it's partly parents wanting to shield their children from their own pain. Forever the protector...

Sighs...it's sad when people only flock to you when they need something. Reciprocity is so important in relationships (including friendships). It hurts when you find that no one is there when you need them...

I hope painting helped...I get a lot of relief and comfort from various creative outlets so I hear you...

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Simmo123]

Hay pepper thanks for your kind words.i am grateful my children are grown up they are all doing well in life.they don't live near me so that's hard .the one thing I did do right in life . Iam sure people think I need to change diet etc done that there's not much I haven't tried .also dealing with withdrawal s from smoking 6months now I still want a smoke I went cold turkey when wife left.do feel better financially but that's it hoping to avoid the big heart attack.mind you I have days I want to throw away my medication and hope for big heart attack. Yes I enjoyed the little bit of painting . Now I ache feel pretty shit I will have lazy day today more painting tomorrow .still struggling to see the upside of life right now .i had my dog for 12years she was my best friend and companion when ex left I wasn't coping so I arsked her to look after dog for week while I tried to find some help.i never got to see her again I don't even know where she is buried apparently animals pick up on our stresses .iam saddened by this she was my best friend.feel like horrible person .i still don't know why I didn't get phone call from vets to go and say good bye. And lay her to rest in her yard .i feel guilty for leaving her

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Simmo,

I am so sorry about your dog. Honestly, animals are the some of the greatest teachers of unconditional love in my opinion. You must miss her so much. Not being able to properly send her off must be hard- maybe you could still have your own little ceremony...hey, I hear what you're saying but at the same time, you didn't "leave" her; you weren't in a great headspace at the time and asked your ex to look after her. It's not your fault, Simmo.

Congratulations on giving up the smokes. That's always tough but good on you for trying to stay away from the cigarettes...even if it can be hard sometimes...

I hope you get some more painting done today as you seem to enjoy it 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper