Can't stop thinking about it

[BullGem29]

Hey guys. I'm new to the forum. Been diagnosed with anxiety since I had a DVT episode 2 years ago. I don't cope well when I'm overwhelmed and lately I've been having a very bad time and I'm really looking for some impartial advice with my latest issue as I can't stop thinking about it and can't move on for worry.

Yesterday one of my work colleagues was made redundant. There are 3 of us in the same role and I'm very close to one of them. It was well known that I didn't like the one who was made redundant. Just wasn't a team player and would leave the rest of us to do the work which unfortunately this week reached a peak and lead to numerous emotional outbursts for me. All done in private and unknown to my friends and colleagues. Anyway I had a chat to my other colleague about how overwhelmed we were both feeling by our workloads. Later that day we received the redundancy news. My immediate reaction was oh my god more work for us. I turned to my colleague who was in the meeting and exclaimed oh my god to her. It was perhaps a little ott but it has been perceived by others in the room as happiness at my colleagues redundancy. I feel so bad that my exclamation has been wrongly perceived and I worry that my subconscious self may have been happy about it because of how negative I've been feeling towards her. I've always received a telling off from my boss for being perceived as bitchy and I'm just not. I don't know how to move past this. I don't want my colleagues thinking I'm happy that she has gone. I'm happy for myself and my mental health but not for her and her situation. It feels so selfish but nobody knows what her presence and lack of team work does to me mentally. Does any of this make sense? Any advice for me? Thanks v much

[Soberlicious96]

Dear BullGem,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I feel the need to start by asking what a DVT episode is? I haven't heard that term before?

Anyway, in relation to your problem, I would hazard a guess at saying that every one of us at one time or another has had both a difficult colleague, and a mouth that runs off before our brain engages. I know that I have, plenty of times!

Perhaps the thing to focus on now is what you can do to make a difference in the way you can interact with your remaining colleagues? You could perhaps try and explain yourself, but I would also suggest that if they don't want to talk about it, or don't feel the same way, then perhaps take it as a hint to just get on with the job at hand and give it the best you have. Try to focus more on what you like and what you do well, and build on that.

I too have a colleague that is very different from me; we are chalk and cheese. But there are days when we can get along and it's okay. On the not so good days, I tend to feel some anxiety, but I have learnt to write out my frustrations in a journal and then I am able to let it go and move on. I gotta "get it out" but I also need to make sure I'm not harming anyone in the process ..... In other words I keep my inner bitch to my inner circle .... As best I can anyway.

I don't know if any of that helps, but at least now you know you've been heard. Take care. Hope things improve soon. Xo

[Kiki207]

Hey BullGem

We can all get a bit bitchy at times and that's ok. I think you should now focus on making sure all of your other work colleagues see that you aren't a rude person. Explain the true story to them, because right now they know bits and pieces. Show them that the work colleague was in the wrong by constantly giving you and your friend extra work.

As Soberlicious said, writing in a journal is a harmless way to let go of your emotions. It certainly works for me!

~Kiki

xox