Building self confidence

[janjump]

Hi I am new to this

I have for many years struggled with low self confidence therefore I find it hard to fit in socially so I have become quite isolated even though I work and have an supportive partner. I am a casual hospitality worker and find talking to customers easy as I don't have to socialise with them. I struggle to fit in with my co-workers other than for work reasons. I haven't been out socially for some time. How do I build my confidence and begin to feel good about myself. I have a poster with all the things I want to change in my life, I read it every morning and it helps in the short term.

Janjump

[Croix]

Dear Janjump~

Welcome here to the Forum. It can be very hard to write to a bunch of strangers and talk about such personal feelings, it takes courage and you have managed it.

In fact I get the feeling you do manage, more than you give yourself credit for. Not only in recognizing your life is not as you wish, but in the fact you hold down a job, interact with customers, get on well with your husband and I'm sure many more things.

So I'm not getting the impression of someone who should have such lack of confidence on social situations, it's something unjustified you feel abut yourself.

I guess there are two avenues you might consider to raise your self esteem, after which confidence will follow.

The first and less direct is to do things you are good at, from gardening to dunno waht. The important thing is you have accomplishment and pride in your achievement. This is a solid base. It does not have to be something huge, it can be as simple as sweeping a path, scouring a pot, writing a suggestion for work, making a diamond painting, painting a door ... the list is endless and you realy will know what is appropriate.

If I make a bookshelf (I have a house full of books) and it turns out well then I look at from then on and take pleasure in my work - do you get the idea? (mind you if it does not turn out well I scrap it on the spot:)

The other avenue is to see your doctor, explain what is happening to you and see if you have an anxiety condition or something similar. If you do then most likely counseling or therapy will be a help, getting you in the habit of turning around negative or fearful thoughts.

Do you think these might be reasonable things to try?

Croix

[janjump]

Hi Croix

Thank you for your reply I will do what you have suggested. I also realise it does sound a bit contradictory and I don't understand myself sometimes. I do know that socially I do struggle to hold conversations and may have some form of anxiety. I also think I need to work on believing in myself more and get some help to be able to work on holding conversations as I feel as though I have nothing to say that is worth listening to. Conversations with customers are brief and usually about the venue or themselves. I do work hard on seeing my value in the workplace and it is the customers who help me see that aspect. Again thank you.

[Nimi]

Hello janjump!

Nice to meet you! I am brand new too! Finding self-confidence is something that I also struggle with, so I can relate to this difficult battle. You're already heading in the right direction though and I think it takes a lot of courage to start taking those first steps. I think Croix had some wonderful advice, so I wanted to build on it a little and say that I recently read a book that has helped me to gain some self-esteem.

One piece of advice that really stood out to me was "celebrating the little things in life". These things often go unnoticed, and we may be extra harsh on ourselves when we can't see them. It is quite difficult to get into the habit of it, but remember that each day you get up and go to work not knowing what to expect - you are being brave! Small things like appreciating the fact that you helped a person out at work, or made the effort to smile and possibly brighten their day.

Best of luck, you can do it!
Nimi