Belated intro to myself

[Chickenhead]

Hi,

So I've already posted a few times but thought I really should introduce myself. I feel like I've been dealing with so much for so long and things are finally starting to look up. But recently there's been a few things that have reminded me how much of a factor mental health plays in our lives, so I thought I'd reach out to establish myself in a community like this before I got to the point where I feel lost.

I grew up in a emotionally complicated home (I draw short of labelling it emotionally abusive) and in a very controlling church. After leaving the church and withdrawing from my parents home in my mid 20s, I married a guy who turned out to be abusive. I left, since divorced, received a diagnosis of high anxiety, had a phsychologist confirm I have Aspergers, been made redundant twice, remarried, had one baby and diagnosed with post natal depression, and am now about to have another baby. My ex has been unable to accept my right to leave and continues to interfere where he can. My husband is an incredible man and exceptional father, but has Autism and depression.

I feel like I've been in a really good place. My anxiety is at an all time low, but with the pending birth I am starting to get anxious (the birth wasn't ideal last time), and I'm concerned the PND is starting again. My ex is niggling. My husband has decided to change how he's managing his depression... which I fully want to support him, it's just another thing for me to grapple with.

I don't have much of a support network, and those I do have don't understand the complexities of autism. Besides, it's so much more comfortable for me to reach out in writing than it is to try and explain verbally.

I really hope I can contribute to others as much as others can help me out along the way.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Chickenhead to the forum.

Thanks for honestly sharing your story.

I understand that you have a lot to deal with now and in the future.

Congratulations on your soon to be born baby.

Is there a mothers group you could join and get some support from mothers with babies at the same age.

I am glad your anxiety is at a low level, and it is natural to worry with a new baby due soon.

Are you in a PND support group? I understand that you may find writing easier and I think there may be online support groups.

I think it is great that you are helping others on the forum as well as reaching out for help.

I wanted to warmly welcome you and thank you for sharing your story.

Quirky

[Chickenhead]

Thank you Quirky. I've noticed there's a group of posters that have responses in the thousands that seem to take the time to welcome everyone and between them make sure all the posts are responded to. I'm sure you would have A LOT of new people signing up so that's a fairly big undertaking. It is appreciated.

No I'm not part of any mothers group or PND group. My GP really wants us to join a play group for the sake of my daughter (social skills) and my husband and my sake (get us out of the house and around people). We will be moving in 6 months time and intend to find a new community to move into, so I hesitate to put myself through the stress of that commitment to just have to do it again, particularly given I'll have a newborn soon.

My upbringing left me with the sense that there are things I should be doing because it's the "right thing to do". That ever present pressure ties me in knots especially when the anxiety is triggered. A big part of getting my anxiety under control has been acknowledging the what and why of my anxiety, and then deciding if the "right thing" is also a "good thing" for me and our family. Most of the time it isn't. If that makes sense??

I don't read people well and have a lot of poor experiences with bullying etc. I have coped by staying silent. I know I need people, but people interaction is a huge trigger for me. So for now life is pretty isolated. That will have to change for the sake of my kids, but I don't think now is the time to tackle that one.

Chickenhead