At wits end

[erin1969]

I currently suffer anxiety and depression. I live in a small rural remote health clinic and every week I have a different DON. Whilst most are wonderful, some treat me like an idiot. I have been in my admin position for 2 years and I know a lot about the clinic and the community. I am an educated person however each week I have a new boss, for the moment, and I find some of them condescending and treat me like an idiot. I do not deliberately do thing to irritate them, however one DON is happy with what I do, then the next will want things different. I hate coming to work at the moment. Our usual permanent DONs are on stress leave or rehabilitation to return to work, but I am felling like I don't want to come to work. I can't answer phones and if I do because they ring too long I am chastised. Some calls I can deal with myself, however some of my superiors want to control the whole clinic and I sit her for 7.6 hours doing nothing, because god forbid I use my initiative and actually do something without their permission.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Erin

Welcome to the forum. Also, thanks for your work in remote area health, that's such an important service.

The current work situation with the revolving DONS (Directors of Nursing?) sounds frustrating. I can imagine that some of them are bossy or arrogant, I know having spent some time as a patient that people with medical expertise can be appallingly arrogant, I think it gets taught in nursing and med school ; )

Under all that bravado, some of the DONS are probably a bit anxious about being responsible for an unfamiliar centre. Some people respond to that by micromanaging, and trying really hard to monitor every little detail.

All this is about them, not you. They probably don't know what you are capable of, and aren't sure what to delegate.

I bet that in fact you are the steady and friendly face of the centre for the patients, who are the ones who really need the help. You're probably the person who doesn't continually change, and who knows who they are. I bet you also know everything about the day-to-day running of the centre.

On behalf of patients everywhere, I would like to thank you for being there and knowing the community. That's really important. I know that the simple kindness and compassion of the local pharmacy assistant and the GP receptionist have been helpful and comforting to me personally.

I'm sorry that the revolving bosses keep changing your day-to-day job, but that really important connection with the community won't change.

If you changed your focus from thinking about the bosses to thinking about the patients who appreciate your assistance, would that help while you wait for the situation to settle down?

I hope that you soon get a more permanent boss who appreciates all the skills and knowledge you bring. In the meantime, feel free to vent here.

[Vero]

Hi Erin and welcome to the forum.

of course you are not an idiot. I can tell you are aware of your environment and your abilities and very kind hearted. You are not a user. Your work ethics are spot on excellent. Current situation maybe temporary, however there maybe something you can do to improve your predicament. If you have “tool box meetings”, weekly team meetings, or similar you could raise the issue of confusing and contradicting requests. If you feel this would be too confronting ask for one on one 10 minuets meeting, if this is too much again draft a polite, short and right to the point email and forward it your supervisor. If you feel comfortable doing it prepare a card and write a note and give it to your supervisor with a muffin. Yes baked goods perform magic, regardless how people may react to them (it s worth checking any dietary issues and avoid those). It is not what you give them but the act of giving them something.

The note, conversation, whatever format, should contain words of welcome to the practice, your usual activities and your other capabilities, and how you could assist to offload the workload with a smile. Thank your super for time and consideration. Avoid any comparisons with a “normal” workings of the practice. New super may feel insecure and this could easily trigger that.

the revolving door of incoming and outgoing supervisors does not put any staff members in good position. Supers are concerned with running the practice and are not managing it’s team, no matter what they put on their CV. You and possibly others in the practice are not seen or being seen in beige, blending with furniture. Make yourself being noticed. Promote your skills and abilities. Furthermore promote your work ethics.

Country living and environment is wonderful. People are respectful and kinder to each other. If you missing on anything in living rural is fast pace vulgarity, lack of consideration for other, bullying and toxic narcissism. Be encouraged, you have a role to play in this community.

All th best.

[erin1969]

I would like to say a huge thank you for responding. It makes me understand it is not me, however I take everything personally. I do feel that they prefer me not to be here and maybe that is their insecurity not mine. Even those I am not a practicing Christian, I bought a timber cross to have with me all the time and when things get to me, I will go outside, have a smoke, yes I smoke, and hold my cross and pray for strength. Being in a small town, I cannot talk to people so have come to be a little isolated. I don't even talk to my husband about it.

On the weekend, I do not have headaches or anxiety, however when Monday comes, I wake up with headaches and anxiety. I used to say if I won lotto, I would still work here, however now its I am out of here. I visit with counsellors but I do not feel they understand the dynamics of this small town.

I have found your respond comforting and will be a regular visitor to this sight as an unbias way of finding comfort on my tough days.

Thank you again

[White_Rose]

Dear Erin

Welcome to the forum.

Both responses from Vero and Stormcloudz are excellent and have great advice/suggestions. Have a good look at both suggestions. I do like the idea of writing a note to a new DON about your services and skills. Please include your rapport with the patients that go there for treatment.

I cannot add anything to the above posts. I hope you can find a way to resolve your difficulties without leaving the clinic. It's good you are going to stay on the forum.

Mary

[Vero]

Hi erin1969

talking to JC (Jesus Christ) is a great idea. He would be listening with or without cross and a cigarette. He responds but he is a gentleman. He will not talk when you talk, he speaks with a soft voice.

you can change people’s perception about you. When you ready, responding with ability to reality (whatever the situation might be) is taking responsibility. This goes both ways: creating new impressions of yourself and guarding you image. You are aware of the latter and with it you have enough sense of self preservation to control this. Changing other people’s perception of you is possible. It has to come from you.

all the best

[erin1969]

Just found out yesterday that one of the nurses I have had most trouble with is coming back in August for 3 weeks. I have not slept. Will she treat me like she did before? The current nurse says you will be fine. These are nurses who are ment to understand mental health. Lucky the Physchologist comes at the end of July. I will definitely see him and I might just have to put my big girl pants on and suck it up. I don't want them to beat me but I hate having these thoughts. There has got to be better medication out there which takes the thoughts and emotion away.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Erin

That's good that the current nurse is supportive about the future, it sounds like she thinks you will be OK which is reassuring. I can understand why you are anxious, change at work can be surprisingly upsetting.

Maybe there are some strategies that you can put in place to help you manage the new nurse now that you know what the issues are? We could make suggestions based on our experience if that useful. What happened with the nurse last time and are there things you could do to improve the situation for yourself?

Good on you for posting and getting some support : )

[erin1969]

I could take leave however I don't want to waste precious time off. I will probably come to work earlier and go home earlier which just leaves me 5 hours a day working directly with her. I have medication to calm me down and I have had previous discussions with an executive manager and she just suggested that I leave and go home if she upsets me. But why would she allow her back knowing she upsets me? The nurses are irreplaceable and do a remarkable job and I feel I am replaceable even though I am permanent and they come, stir things up, and then leave. I guess I will get stronger with every challenge. I just wish I could stand up for myself instead of feeling I deserve this treatment

[White_Rose]

Hello Erin

You said in an earlier post that the psychologist was returning soon and you would talk to him/her(?) Sounds like a very useful way to go about making changes with yourself. You know you cannot change anyone else. It's very sad because we always 'know' what is best. I am being a bit flippant but it is true we can only change ourselves.

I really love the idea of a muffin and and job description. It is surprising how people will react when someone takes this step forward and welcomes them. I expect they have had many temporary position like this and it does get wearing to adapt to all the different situations. Can you imagine carrying out the same duties you do now but in a different setting?

To be met with friendliness is great as I suspect your rotating door DONs feel the same as you, "oh no, not another place". When you can see how the other person feels it is a great help to settle our own feelings. So write down what you do, make sure your name is at the top and leave it in the DONs office with the muffin or whatever. I think that is a practical action you can take which will get your point across more easily and show that you are willing to take the first step and be gracious.

Have a go and tell us how it all went.

Mary