anxiety triggers anger and depression

[Jac68]

I have been battling anxiety, anger, depression on & off for a very long time. I have difficulty regulating my emotions & often react too quickly to my triggers. I can see what I’m doing, often in hindsight, but have a deep desire to be heard & understood. This also means I often disregard the recipients’ feelings. I’m a coward & often express my built up anger & resentment via emails & texts. Then I feel ashamed & guilty! I need to learn how to be respectful in conflict resolution. When I feel threatened, anxious or angry, because I think the situation is unfair, I somehow feel justified in lashing out against the decisions or actions of others who hurt me. I get so worked up about unfair decisions because I feel helpless & my opinions are dismissed. I crave connections with people but anger & resentment prevent me from letting go of times they’ve hurt me or I’ve felt used. IF I actually try to talk about it, I struggle to explain myself well & ruminate about it. Then I get upset & withdraw. When am I going to learn? be brave? become articulate face to face? manage my emotions? It is a constant battle for me. Yes, I often feel overwhelming & profound sadness, but more often I feel deep anger & resentment when misunderstood, or worse, dismissed & ignored. 😞

[PamelaR]

Hi Jac68 and warm welcome to our forums

It's good you've found your way here to our community. What I also find good is that you recognise you have been triggered. That is a great step towards learning how to manage the anger and to work out where the anger stems from.

I am not a health professional, just someone with anxiety and depression who has also been a very angry person in the past. What you've described above is how I use to always feel and use to behave. While I was never physically abusive to anyone, I certainly knew how to talk in a way that wasn't very nice. So I do understand how you feel overwhelming and profound sadness. It is so hard when you feel dismissed, rejected, misunderstood, isn't it?

Like you I recognised my anger and didn't like it. So with help from health professionals, I learnt how to change my responses to situations that caused anger. Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), I learnt to - STOP in any given situation. I.e.

• S - Stop (before I say something)
• T - Think (what is happening here)
• O - Observe (how can I change my response)
• P - Proceed (say something different (nicer) to what I was originally going to say)

However, years later I learnt that all the anger built up inside me and was directed internally. What I learnt later on by another health professional was to work out the root cause of the anger, to look at the situation differently and to let go of what I'd originally thought. This is a difficult part, but it is doable.

If you're interested (no pressure), there is a website that gives details of different courses, different organisations that provide counselling for anger management. The website is - https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/anger-management

Sometimes getting a helping hand, or talking with someone about what you're experiencing does help to move forward.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[fred2018]

Hi Pamela and Jac 68 , it was helpful and somewhat comforting to hear your stories and advice. I am currently in a bad state , possible due to a decent depression that has been a bit exacerbated by anxiety and a few other things. I feel that once my job situation is sorted as I'm currently unemployed and we know that doesn't bode well, I keep my self doing purposeful things things that I will get into a better space. But thanks for the anger management link ill have a read through and check in soon to get this anger sorted well you better managed thats probably a better way to deal with it. Cheers