Hello everyone!
Writing on here as a newbie. Thought I would give an overlook as to what i've struggled with over the past years and where I am now...
I struggled with a lot as a child - Parents divorce when I was 7. A severe fear of thunderstorms (recovered now). Daily fights within the household between family members. An older sister who was dealing with BPD whose behaviour put a lot of stress on my mother. A lot of loneliness. I am the youngest of 4 and sometimes envy my older siblings for getting a breezy childhood, whilst I was left to deal with all the grown up problems during mine. ANYWAYS - I survived and can't complain because overall I had loving friends and family (divorce wasn't messy), and was a happy kid who brought the family together.
During the later of high school I started to develop anxiety that would cause constant nausea and developed slight agoraphobia (I went on an SSRI which eased the nausea). In my first year out of school I developed an extreme fear of terrorism. I quit my job, started to drink everyday, and went into a cycle of avoidance. After 2 months of this I sought help, went to a clinic and did a CBT program which worked! I came out, went back into work and had a perfect 4 years of living a successful life! During this period I had a few hard life experiences, my Dad being diagnosed with MS and taking on the responsibility of his part-time carer, as well as my mother having a stroke (which she recovered from luckily). I took these problems in my stride and continued on with life.
Fast forward to late last year, out of the blue I started to have panic attacks before or during everyday 'stressful' situations, things I would usually be able to control normally. I ignored it because my life for the 4 years before had been amazing, why would things change now? Went to work on a Monday and had a severe panic attack out of nowhere, I was sent home and from that day its like my mind switched - I began to panic 24/7, had intrusive depressive thoughts, constant crying, over-worrying about my parents health. My medication was upped and am seeing a psychologist once a week. Returning to work tomorrow after 2 weeks off... I have 85% returned to myself. I am just so worried now about how I will do returning to work after such an ordeal, I'm not confident that my panic attacks won't return, I don't want to quit my job again. I want my old life back, I'm only 23 and I want to live life without the fear of this happening again!
