A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[swtpotato]

Hi Mardi,

I hope you stay around, BB can be a wonderful place and I know you'd be able to help others with your experiences.

Do you feel like you're not getting as much out of it as others appear to be? I always compare myself and interactions I've had with others here and then think there must be something wrong with me for still finding it difficult...

Even though I don't think Quercus was intending on insulting you, more aiming to figure out new ways for you to take charge of your own experience here - which yeah can be interpreted to be finding 'fault' with how you've been going about things -- which he (correct pronoun??) is not at all I promise, just blunt, but like I also would probably have interpreted it the same way if it was me tbh, as I automatically like to assume things are my fault of course...

Mardi I'm glad you are here! Hope you feel comfortable enough to continue asking for tips/posting about your struggles.

m

[savvii]

Hi Quercus,

I haven't read silently for years, visited a few times since I joined in 2013. Sure I'll drop by your thread, thanks for the invite. My own thread? Why not.

Savvii

[geoff]

hi Nat, a lovely compliment and in actual fact I've been on this site for 13 years. Geoff. x

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

I'd like to thank Nat (Quercus) for an awesome discussion here. It can be really overwhelming coming to a space like this, especially if you're not feeling well.

To get the best out of any support channel, it helps to make sure your expectations for what it can deliver are realistic.

The main purpose of the forums is to discuss. Sometimes, these discussions will be challenging, and if you find talking here too overwhelming, then this may not be the right place for you. In 4 years managing these forums, I can honestly say that I've rarely encountered any post here that was intentionally designed to upset or offend somebody else.

Unfortunately, depression and anxiety can mean we bring our own lens to a space like this, and we can read tone and intent into someone's words that simply isn't there - I've seen disagreements happen here because of this, and we actually have a whole thread about it written by Dr Kim:

Taking things the wrong way (on the forums and in life)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/taking-things-the-wrong-way-(on-the-forums-and-in-life)

We have a wonderfully supportive community here that wraps its arms around people who are struggling every day. That this community is made up of people who are themselves struggling, and still have the energy to provide support for others is truly inspiring and it's one of the reasons I love coming to work every day.

That said, there's only so much we can do here. You may decide, as Mardi has done, that the forums aren't right for you at this point in time. That's fine too.

You can always call our support service on 1300 22 4636 to speak to one of our professional counsellors about other options that might work better for you.

Let's keep this discussion happening, and to any newer members reading, reach out and say hello.

[Quercus]

Thanks Chris.

Yesterday was a pretty horrible learning experience.

To anyone reading I'm just like you. Dealing with a MI (depression specifically) and I'm enthusiastic about new members because if I could go back and do my worst moments again that is what I'd want to change...

To have spoken up.

To have cared about myself enough to ask... Is this normal? If I go to the GP what do I say? Are they going to just brush me off and send me away? But I didn't. I buried it and suffered quietly. Needlessly. For so long.

So I'm going to brush myself off and try again. A bit more gently this time maybe. If you are reading Julie I am sorry.

Improving the forums is important. If someone is finally at the point of being able to ask for help I don't want them to feel unwelcome. Or afraid to ask. This is close to my heart.

So on that note...

What makes you feel welcome on these forums? What do we need to improve?

❤ Nat

P.S.

Savvii I will look out for your thread 😊

Geoff 13 years!!! My goodness I think we need a new badge... BB hero?

DB and swtpotato my thanks. For trying to explain when I wasn't able to. I appreciate it.

[swtpotato]

Thanks for your post Quercus,

I think it is also a natural tendency of us with MI to automatically feel like 'outsiders', or like there is something wrong with what we are doing on here -- a reflection of what we are going through rather than what people post.

As in real life it is hard to separate these kinds of feelings from reality. Working towards feeling accepted and included in a new place online when one may feel excluded in life will always be a bit tricky.

I think it is always the individual's responsibility to seek the help that is best for them, with help and guidance of course. The best help is the assurance that this is a non-judgemental welcoming place. Not sure how the forums can be improved from how they already are. Maybe a social space specifically for newer members to chat?

[Quercus]

Hi swtpotato and thanks,

l love this!

The best help is the assurance that this is a non-judgemental welcoming place.

The idea of a chat space for newbies is interesting. There is already the cafe for younger users and LGBTI cafe. My thought... Would this be divisive... Old users vs new?

Such an interesting idea... What do others think?

[swtpotato]

We do already have the get to know you thread which is good mix of everyone, so maybe not.

[Quercus]

Very true.

And the circle of support thread.

The 'thread killer' thread is a good mix of people too (lighthearted and silly fun where the object is to be the last person to post). To be honest that is one of the first places I posted to get a feel for the forums.

[Croix]

Dear Swtpotato with a wave to Quercus~

I quite agree with what you are saying:

a natural tendency of us with MI to automatically feel like 'outsiders'

Not surprising, if it wasn't a symptom of the illness itself there is still stigma in areas of society to get burnt on.

Of course this feeling of isolation applies here too in this busy and confusing place full of people that 'got here first' and often appear to be 'old hands'.

It can be very daunting to enter, and while such areas as the Café have their part to play many make a thread and wait there after their first post. So I guess one good way to break down this reticence and ensure people quickly feel comfortable is for everyone, in so far as they are able, to look out for each other.

Where they feel comfortable they could drop a post to others, especially folks new on the scene. This in fact does happen. Quite a few, once they have become established reach out. There is always however room for more.

This does not have to mean a deep and meaningful message, a simple "Hi, I'm so and so, welcome" can alter the whole flavor of the beginner's experience. Of course if someone does have something more concrete to offer so much the better.

Croix