A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[startingnew]

Hi Tams i think i clicked cancel instead of post 🤔

Anyway... welcome to forums. I havent met you yet so its nice to meet you 🙂

With enhancing the functionality of the forums if you take a look at the thread 'the forum suggestion/improvements thread' on page 8 ChrisB has written down some of the changes and upgrades happening here.

Hope this helps..

[Quercus]

Hello Tams20 I haven't crossed paths with you yet and I'm really pleased to see your feedback!

This might sound weird given my 2000 odd posts but I've been worrying the same about the forums lately.

The cliquey feeling comes and goes on the forums and it is actually one of the biggest concerns behind the scenes.

Sometimes I worry that the connections we form here exclude new members and that is a huge concern to me personally. These forums exist to try help people at their lowest when they are vulnerable.

When I was at my worst I was too intimidated to consider joining. I just read and continued to be isolated and at risk. And yes I was at risk.

I want better for others.

I'm no saint. I'm sure plenty of my posts isolate others. But I am trying to change that too. I created a thread about blogging. I think it is an important discussion to have. About realising within yourself when you are using these forums for social interaction. And whether a blog may fill this need better.

At heart whether you have outgrown what the forums were designed to provide.

Maybe others will find this offensive, after all we all need connection. But I always worry about new members and wonder are they being given the same opportunity and care that I was given when I joined?

Thank you Tams. I think negative feedback is just as important.

Nat

[Tams20]

Hi Nat,

There is so much good work done in these forums and I certainly haven’t felt ignored. And it must be frustrating when people form friendships here but are unable to make contact outside the forums because of the rules .

I do try to force my way into some discussions and it’s mostly been successful 😊. But there have been a few occasions when I’ve read the original post of a long-standing thread and thought that I’d like to join the discussion, but then I look at the last page and see that it’s moved so far from the original post that it would be rude to interrupt and take everyone away from their conversation!

Tams

[Quercus]

Ah! Tams you've got to the heart of my current question to self...

I have a loooooong thread. In long term support. And want to know a secret? It intimidates ME 😊

As a new member I used to read the long threads. The whole thing. And then reply. Sometimes you get a "standoffish" reply because the member is repeating themselves or the topic has already been discussed in depth. No fault of anyone's really. It is exhausting reading the many pages and posts in a long thread.

Then you consider the time frame. People change. So between the first post and the newest post people change and don't always want to be reminded of where theu began.

Long story short... I have been considering asking to lock my thread. Maybe I have outgrown it. Maybe of my thread wasn't so bloody intimidating people might feel able to say hello.

What do you think Tams? How can we bridge the divide between older members and new members?

[startingnew]

Hi Nat

I like the point you made about outgrowing threads. My story is still very much the same in most elements however the topic that brought me here doesnt affect me as much as it did a yr and a half ago. So my thread now is rather off course and only occassionally gets brought back to the original topic. I can also see why my thread would intimidate people. Think its 3000 posts it would intimidate me too if i was new here.

I dont have suggestions on what to do though im afraid.

[startingnew]

Hmm unless perhaps a change in thread title would work? Then each person's story would be in the same place but the title can be changed to suit your circumstances ie 'Not coping after Disclosure' to something else like hmm 'having a rough time' just as an example. But not constantly being changed just something to suit your current circumstances.

Hoping that makes sense. ..

[Flick_SnotGrass]

I like where this is going.

When I first joined BB about a year ago I had the feeling that some people didn't want to get better.

I don't like how that sounds but you know what I mean 'a Victim' or 'Broken Wing' or 'Helpless' types of mentality.

But I agree we outgrow that story as we get better.

We morph from Victim into Victor.

Cool.

Flick

[Doolhof]

Hi Tams,

Recently I have been wondering how to set up "Information" sections on various areas of mental health. Like say under a heading of DEPRESSION, have dot point strategies that may help people without all the personal stories, just the ideas and suggestions.

Is this the kind of thing you are writing about?

I can see how beneficial that would be. You go to a topic of interest, read information only and save the sharing of your story for other sections and threads.

I might even give this a go myself and see what happens. Ages ago I set up a SLEEP thread, people will need to do a lot of reading to find the beneficial aspects of finding ways to improve sleep.

There are some people like me who don't do precise dot points very well though, so some people may still provide longer replies even in a section aimed at relevant information only.

Cheers from Dools

[Tams20]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your responses 😊

Dools I think that would be a good idea to take the best advice and info for each topic and create an information section. Could even ‘credit’ the member who posted it to make it a bit more personal and show appreciation for the efforts being made to support others.

Once all of the good info has been captured you could move some of the older more social threads to the social zone (which is probably where they should be now). Or, as Nat suggested, lock off the thread so it is still there for people to read through. I feel there could be better use of the social area of the forums for members to have long and detailed personal conversations.

I don’t want to be the boss of the forums, just giving my experience as a user who has joined relatively recently.

Thanks, Tams 😊

[White_Rose]

Hello Nat

I have been looking at some older posts on this thread and wondering why there are no posts from me. When a thread is going well with lots of posts from a large variety of people I think it is managing itself. Even better when the originator of the thread is still around to chat. I tend to move to the not-so-many-posts threads and write there. It's a loss for me as I miss the great ideas, the conversation and support plus the new people who start posting here.

I started a thread when I came to this forum but it is lost in the mists of time. Really it was simply an introductory thread. Now I write where there are fewer replies or it is a new thread. In relation to threads becoming cliquey I know how easy it can be to stay with a group we feel comfortable with. That's OK because we try to give our best wherever we write. Simply because someone is writing on a few threads does not mean they are being exclusive. When a thread is meeting someone's needs it's good to stay with it until the need has been met and/or is being met elsewhere.

I have no thread for my whole story. It is scattered through other threads and I use it, if I can, to help and encourage others.

Someone asked about dealing with the emotional issues of a thread and the reaction to reading it. We all manage our emotions and reactions differently and it's OK to not answer when it is upsetting. There will be someone who can manage these issues, not because they are better than others and not because the thread has no effect, but because the writer is in a good space at that time and able to deal with the sadness etc.

I think we write where we can and leave what is difficult for others to manage. There have been a couple of threads in the past which have caused great anxiety and worry for me and others. This is where the BB support process kicks in. Posts do slip past the keeper occasionally. I do not believe there is a system that is perfect but that is what makes us human. We manage with what we have and when a post is overwhelming and worrying we can report it to the moderator and they will deal with it. Lots of support behind the scenes.

1. Write where you can.
2. Write about what you know. It's amazing how others relate.
3. Be kind to each other.
4. Try not to make assumptions. It complicates our chats.
5. Take care of yourself.
6. Remember more people read these posts than those who have signed up. Your words may help someone you do not know exists.

(Tams, the list is for you)

Mary