A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[Quercus]

Hi Sheba1,

Thanks for making my day. It take a whole lot of guts to make that very first post but the second and third and fourth I found so much harder. So I was stoked to see you came back... And for giving me a topic I wanted to talk about. Hope to see posts 3 and 4 and 5 at some point... It is lovely to have you as part of the BB community (and you too Alli!).

Hi Allie,

Welcome to you too! Have you found your way yet to the under 25s cafe in the social zone? Good place to say hello and join the conversation. I hope to see you about too.

❤ Nat

PS thanks Croix and Flick for welcoming Alli.

[Quercus]

A new topic (thanks Sheba1 for the inspiration).

What were the first threads you posted in when you joined? How did you find your way? How did you feel?

For me it it went like this ...

1. Created my own thread... Got to about 5 posts before I felt brave enough to post elsewhere. Felt very awkward about what I could ask or say or do.

2. Checked out the social zone. For me the cafe was too overwhelming but there were lots of threads that I liked that were slower paced. Favourite movies, what are you reading (easy to build confidence but not the conversation I needed).

3. Then I found the Staying well section. These were more my style. Awesome helpful threads and the plus side is there is more of a discussion in them.

Blondguy's ... Do you love yourself? And his Mindfulness thread.

Croix's ... Store your happy memories here

4. Then I found the treatments andtherapies section. Another area for discussions. I found a thread on psychotherapy.

5. Experimenting with reaching out. I found it somewhat awkward that sometimes a member would write something I wanted to know more about. But if I asked it would take the thread off topic.

So I started finding threads. Not everyone has their own thread but most do. If something interested me I'd do a keyword search (or just ask) for the username and post to their personal thread and say hello. Best thing I've ever done.

[Quercus]

I started to read. You'll never know everyone on here. It's impossible. But when I started writing to others and offering feedback and support a strange thing happened. The more support I gave the more I was given.

6. Then the moment. I was having a really down day. Another member created a thread called Kanga's Virtual Garden. I burst into tears. To me this felt like a gift. I felt like I belonged here. So I dived into writing to people. New users. Older users. Which threads? Everywhere!

7. And the inevitable happened. Conflict. Being triggered by others. Being overwhelmed. Being too invested. Burning out. And conflict. Like offline. But different because here we are anonymous. So if someone was hurting I felt helpless to help.

The most important lesson! We give and recieve support. But at the end of the day this forum has limits. People have limits. And sometimes we need to make changes offline and ask for help. I learnt I am not responsible for anyone but myself. It is a hard lesson but an important one. Doesn't mean I don't care though.

8. So currently... I'm still here. I write on my thread to organise my chaotic brain and pretty much everywhere else to help others where I can. But slowly is the way to go.

I have days where I don't feel welcome. Where there are new faces and I am too tired to read all the stories to work out who is who (have learnt it is ok to not know 😊). Or when there is conflict and I feel like whatever I write will be wrong.

But then I remember... We're all here to manage our MI. I don't have to be perfect... I just have to care about others and try and try again.

I belong here. So do you. That's my saga. What's yours?

❤ Nat

[Chocomocha]

Hi there. I’ve been Australia for nearly 5 months. I came here to get reacquainted with my mom and dad. Haven’t seen them for 9 years. I lived in Asia for 17 years and they live here ( originally from New Zealand) It has been a roller coaster 5 months and it has added a lot to my anxiety. I’m glad I was able to find this place to chat and get advice. Mahalo.

[Bethie]

Here is amazing. Sometimes posts can trigger people then the beauty of the internet kicks in. We can turn off

[sswc]

Hi Quercus,

I am new here and reading this out a smile on my face, a calming smile.

Thank you for posting such a positive message for us newbies 🙂

[PamelaR]

Dear Nat (Quercus)

Such a beautiful message and so many good pointers! Love it. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[Sapphire_]

Hi Quercus.

Im not new. Ive been on here a few months now. I basically created my own thread after reading alot of others and needed support. I was scared that i wouldnt get any replies or that people would think i was stupid and shouldnt be here.

I got replies and good advice. I still think i dont deserve the help and kind words people write to me even though i post alot. Maybe too much. Ive only got one thread, I dont want to take away from people who need the help more than i do.

I only just yesterday wrote my first reply to someone elses thread. I feel like i dont have any good advice or knowledge to help others especially since i can barely help myself. I wrote on a thread today to let someone know i was thinking of them but other than that i feel like its not my place to intrude on other people's threads.

Everyone here has amazing advice and are so caring. I dont think im like that so i dont reply to others threads in fear i say something wrong and upset someone.

I hope this was ok to say. Sorry if its not. I apologise.

[Quercus]

Hello and a warm welcome to the forums to you

Chocomocha (Mahalo) and SSWC

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

these forums are a little haven for many who need a bit of TLC and support and to learn from others.

I hope you both feel comfortable to join in wherever you like.

Hi Bethie and PamelaR,

you've both been on the forums for a little while now. Do you feel like sharing what has helped you feel comfortable to stick around?

Thank you all for the kind feedback. I started this thread because I feel really strongly that being welcome as a newbie is important. My own experience made me want everyone to find encouragement too. I can't respond to every new member so this was my attempt to help.

Bethie you're right about triggers. I remember a member once made a thread called this forum is making me depressed. We all have limits. I think that is why it's so important that everyone knows regardless of the number of posts you have your voice is important.

Replying to another person and sharing an experience or offering care can make all the difference to them. It doesn't matter what you say really.

Think of the first time someone replied to you... That feeling of "oh! A complete stranger feels I am worth their time". Didn't it feel beautiful?

I'll stop waffling (I do that). Just wanted to say welcome really... And thank you.

❤ Nat

[PamelaR]

Hi Nat

Good question - what's made it comfortable for me to make it worth sticking around? That's easy, you've put your finger on it in your post. How good is it to have someone (a stranger) reply to you. It is awesome!! Someone has taken time out for 'you'. Wow.

There are so many who are willing to share their experiences. It's wonderful. It gives me a 'good feeling'. Not all threads are 'happy' so to speak, but, it's the generosity of people's sharing what they can, which makes it worth my while returning to this site to these forums.

BTW Nat - you were NOT WAFFLING!! You're a warm welcoming person. Someone to make you feel comfortable to return.

xxx