A question for our new members (and regulars too 😊).

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking lately about inclusion on the forums and wondering...

What it is like to be a newbie on the forums?

Anyone feel like answering?

In the offline world we all deal with cliques. And feeling like we don't fit in or belong sometimes.

When I joined the forums I remember seeing members with thousands of posts and people greeting eachother like old friends.

I wanted so badly to feel like part of this community. I know I'm not alone... Sometimes I see a thread where someone is disheartened by a lack of response.

My question (sorry for the waffling) ...

What helped you to feel welcome here?

Here is my list (yep quite keen on lists)

• For newbies start your own thread in welcome/orientation. If you post your story in a social thread or someone else's thread you'll get lost in the system.
• On that note... Try not to make multiple threads on the same topic. If you are finding you need support speak up in the social threads or in a thread you contribute to a bit... Give the title of your thread and ask if someone will come have a chat.
• Read the rules and the posts in the welcome orientation section. Seems obvious but I don't think everyone does... And there is a lot of useful stuff in there!
• Remember the forums are not immediate. If you need immediate help there are the support numbers. Everyone on here is just like you (voluntarily contributing and dealing with a mental illness) so if you flood the forums with posts getting angry or upset about a delay in response or a post held up in moderation people tend to get overwhelmed and upset too. The helplines are there for a reason please use them 😊.
• Take the time to respond. There is nothing worse that writing a reply and then the new user never comes back online. There isn't a notification system. You've got to log on and check. Please do.
• Write to others. You don't have to know what to say. Or have advice. Sometimes it is just nice to have someone aknowledge you or to know someone is listening.

Enough waffling from me.... What does everyone else think?

Nat

[swtpotato]

Great post.

as a newbie I started my own thread before reading any others immediately after having a panic attack. Remember being so nervous and refreshing my thread every few minutes. But wish I had found/been well enough to post here during the worst part of my episode a couple years ago. So much relief after people found and related to my struggles.

Also yes feeling like mine were trivial compared to others. The more I write here the less I think like that.

I felt intimidated by the longer threads and avoid them as I feel like an intruder and it's overwhelming. So I've kept to the new and shorter threads more which has been good but can't shake the outsider feeling still but that's just me.

I love the threads they have helped me more than I had ever expected.

m

[Quercus]

Hi swtpotato 😊

I'm really glad you posted this...

can't shake the outsider feeling still but that's just me.

Nope... Not just you. I feel like this. The forums change. New members... Old members... People returning... Names changing.

The BB cafe for example in the course of a day you can completely lose track and feel awkward all over again.

Or you read a long thread and everyone seems to know what's happening and you don't. That's normal 😊

I haven't read sooo many threads. Yours for example (sorry! I will get there). We all have our own MI and you read whatever helps and interests you. That's ok. I found reading too many threads was overwhelming. Too much at once. So I slowly work around. And that's ok. Yes it means I feel out of place sometimes but I've also got to look after myself.

Sometimes that means admitting I don't know someone's story because I suspect the thread has triggers. Protecting myself. That's ok too. Long threads I like to read the newest page and then the first pages. It gives you a feel for the thread (whether you feel it will be safe for you to read or not).

Personally I don't care of you've read my long thread or not... Unless you like gardening some of it will bore you! But if you find a new topic interesting.... Join in. The more the merrier!

Isn't it interesting how we all seem to feel similar things....Thanks swtpotato 😊

Nat

[Guest_341]

I feel lost as a newbie. ..😔😢 don't feel like I fit in at all

[Quercus]

Hi Julie,

Can you explain why? Specific things that have made you feel that way?

I'm a little surprised by this but glad for your honesty. Your thread has had a lot of replies.

A few things to think about....

• Have you done a keyword search to find threads that really interest you and that you want to contribute to?
• Have you thought about what you want from the forums and whether it is realistic and achievable? What is your goal?what made you join here? Is what you need something the forums are able to provide? Or is face to face support needed?
• Are you responding to people's questions and prompting people to keep talking? I'm guilty of this. Closed conversation. It makes it really hard for people to respond if you don't give them something to work with.
• Are you reaching out to others in a meaningful way? Give support to recieve support is the way the forums work. Some of the best threads are a two way street. Like Quirkyword's thread "be yourself but who am I?". She asks questions all the time. I love it. It encourages others to give their experiences and comment and at the same time support Quirky.
• Are you considering and making allowances for others? This is a community of people with mental illnesses like yourself (CCs included). It has to be give/take or people tend to back off because they get exhausted and this is bad for their own mental health.

Sorry for all the questions. I would really like it if you could think about it and write back Julie.

Nat

[Guest_341]

I feel overwhelmed by your reply Nat😢

[demonblaster]

Hey Q & all 🙂

Awesome thread, can't imagine why you felt what have I done after posting, it's great thanks

I'm still newish and I guess my first thread in grieving before I came back recently more often that I aim to continue to do, was is anyone gunna talk to me, which I was so relieved they did, a few beautiful kind caring people, felt immediately comforted & secure.

Really good points you make and one that stands out is encouraging people to come back and reply, it takes time and energy which is great hoping to help people but when they don't return, could have used that time somewhere else.
I get there's reasons & in some cases they can't get back

Also being newbies may not know posts can take a while depending on demand so may feel ignored

Thx again 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi Julie,

I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed.

I do have a blunt personality some people find difficult. I am sorry if you find it hard to cope with. It is how I am.

It wasn't my intention to upset you.

Is there a thread you enjoy? Have a look around. There will be people who you relate well with. It just takes time.

Nat

[Quercus]

Hi DB,

Love your thread on acronyms by the way so useful! Thanks for your reply.

Which did you find harder... Waiting for the initial response or keeping the conversation going?

I like how you support others. I see your smiley avatar around a fair bit always welcoming others. It's nice.

Good point about there being reasons people don't reply. I just have to hope it's because they used the helplines or reached out offline I suppose. I need hope. 😊

Nat

[Guest_341]

It's fine, I'm leaving anyway. This has upset me immensely and I feel even more useless now.

[demonblaster]

Mardi Hi & thanks Q good of you to say 🙂

Mardi I read that post & few others before replying here, please don't think I'm having a go cause that's not the case at all. Hun I'm very sensitive and tbh really I didn't see any harm intended or bluntness, truth, I truly don't think Quercus was out of line or blunt.

Just questions and saying how it works here.

Hope to see you around 🙂

Tc